Loving a cheater is that kind of love that drains us. That kind of love that leaves us broken, empty and exhausted. You never enter a relationship expecting for someone to be a cheater, you never give your trust to someone if you know it’ll be played. You never let someone in if you know that they will take you for granted. And even with all of the signs screaming in your face that he is not who you thought he was, you still hold on to hope that maybe it’s all in your head. That maybe if you try harder and love him stronger, he will change. And that’s what wrecks us. Our love, our crazy fire that burns us back, our silly heart that still believes, even when it gets broken over and over again. That’s what loving a cheater does to us.
He makes you feel like you’re not enough. You feel like every other woman out there is more beautiful than you are. Every other woman has his attention, while you fight just for a second of it. You start doubting yourself, wondering if maybe it’s you. If maybe it’s something you did or the way you are. You start wondering how to change yourself to make him love you, while he does nothing to stop you. While he does nothing to show you his love.
He makes you fight for his love. You feel like if you stop trying he will leave, so you keep on fighting and fighting until you run out of strength. You keep on giving parts of yourself just to make him happy, until you lose yourself completely. But the thing is, he loves himself more than anyone else. He will always put himself first, always put his wishes before your needs.
His games will make you afraid of ever trusting anyone again. His betrayal of your love, of the history you share, is just because he needs more. Just because he is incapable of loving and settling, he will break you. And his actions will leave scars on your gentle heart, the heart you will hide from the world. They will be the cause of all the walls you build, because you are afraid of getting hurt again. You will shut yourself out, because you are so tired of being neglected, so tired of giving and getting nothing but pain in return.
He will make you feel like you’re the unlovable one. You will believe that it was you, that you could’ve done things differently. Maybe you could’ve worn your hair like that girl at the bar and bought a dress like that girl at the restaurant. Losing yourself in comparing to other women, trying to fit the mold of perfection he has. But darling, you are already perfect. It’s not you who is the unlovable one, it’s him who is incapable of loving.
He will keep on hurting you over and over again, as long as you love him. Every single time you look away, it’ll break you. Every time you wake up alone in bed, it’ll shatter your hopes into thousands of tiny pieces. And every single one of those pieces will pierce through you, hurting you and making you bleed. As long as you stay with him, he will break you. And even if he apologizes, he will never change. Even if he offers to make it up to you, he never will. Because is there a way to make up to breaking someone? Is there a way to make up for destroying someone? For planting a seed of fear in them, for making them build walls just to keep them safe?
He will never love you the way you deserve to be loved. He will never care for you the way you cared for him. And he will never treat you the way you’re meant to be treated. He is capable of only giving you pain, over and over again, until you decide it’s enough. Until you put yourself first and walk away for good.