He does not want a relationship, but always contacts you ?! Eric Hegmann, Pair Advisor and Parship Coach, explains what such a behavior really means to a man.
He does not want a relationship, but always reports – what that means
Maybe you already had a few dates, maybe you just chatted a long time and repeatedly, but now somehow, getting to know each other is not going on. You want clear signals from him that he really considers you as a partner, that he is willing to invest in a shared relationship. Instead, he keeps you at bay with statements like, ” I’m not sure if I really want a relationship ” or ” Actually, I need my freedom … “
Such people who, for whatever reason, perhaps because of a recent, very painful separation , show behavioral patterns of attachment anxiety, are actually out of the question as relationship partners. You would break off the contact for self-protection, or at least not continue to pursue intense – but he does not let up, reports regularly, keeps reminding himself .
What to do with contradictory signals?
You ask yourself, ” What is this? What does he want? “And maybe you’re secretly hoping that these are signs that he’s interested in you and you just have to prove to him that his fears are unfounded with you, that a relationship with you does not constrain him, but on the contrary Enrichment would be. Because if there was not something between you, would not you be in his mind again and again, why else would he bother to contact you?
Such thoughts drive many singles that I advise. And often I hear the sentence: “I know that he feels something for me, so I will not give up.” What sounds brave and self-confident, is unfortunately only a fish on the hook. The Angel is called withdrawal, triggered by an avoidable binding behavior. The retreating man provokes an impulse that makes the woman strive. Conversely, this is exactly the same. Therefore, the many strategies come to make themselves scarce in order to be interesting. In many men disguised in alleged attachment anxiety , which is almost always introduced sentences such as: ” I’m not the relationship type. “
Not only men have a hunting instinct, women as well. The difference, however, is that women want signs of commitment when they retire. Men want to conquer – but not for a relationship. Because if they are ever put to a decision, then they will always be able to say: ” That I do not want a relationship, I have clearly communicated from the beginning. “
How To Get Inside Your Man Mind
If you want to trigger strong feelings of attraction and adoration in your man, you have to know how to get on the same frequency with him. Imagine never having to deal with his silent treatment again. (Which is just really code for “I’m angry but don’t want to talk about it”.) When you know how to read him and know what he’s thinking and feeling, unpleasant situations like the silent treatment will be a thing of the past.
So why do such men keep coming back? There are different reasons for this. One is sure sex . Some are honest and say that directly, then you know what you are. But many just love the game and they know that the retreat often causes the woman to think that with an unforgettable night, she would already get rid of his attachment anxiety. Good for him, frustrating and hurtful for her.
How do you know if he is really interested?
Some men certainly have a lot of attachment anxiety. They would like to enter into a relationship, but they do not tolerate closeness and responsibility, possibly having painful relationship experiences. They just do not want to get hurt again and therefore keep their distance. However, these men are suitable only as a relationship partner, if they have gotten this fear under control and defeated. I can only warn against trying to treat him myself. It will not work and in the end your injuries are so great that you need the support.
Another group of men who act like that are those who can not decide. In times of dating apps it is normal to have several irons in the fire. The likelihood is high that your contact is one of those who meet several partners in parallel. That means you are an option, but not its priority. He thinks you’re okay, but he secretly hopes there’s going to be something better. Because if you were his favorite, he would fight hard for you. Keyword: male hunting instinct. If nothing is to be noticed, then “he just does not like you”, as the guide of a “Sex & the City” authors aptly says.
How can you tell that he really cares and does not just hold you back?
- He adheres to his agreements, he does not put you, he makes common plans , which he also implements.
- Not only does he get in touch when he wants something from you (and be it boredom), he remembers what you said , he responds to your wishes.
- He only meets you and no other candidates.
- It gives you the feeling that there really is room for a partner in your life and he really feels like the changes that would mean a relationship .
- He wants you to feel comfortable in his presence and he gives you the feeling that he likes to be with you – not because nothing “better” has been found.
Men who say that they are not – or at all – not interested in a relationship, which you are welcome to believe. This will save you disappointments, lengthy on-off phases and nights of hope and worry. Of course, you have to make an effort for love, but it’s only worth it if your contact sees it as well and does not only speak of it, but proves it through action.Our Author: Eric Hegmann, Couple Advisor and Parship Coach – His work focuses on attachment behavior and negative beliefs and beliefs that lead to fears and protection strategies from re-injury. Based on this, he has developed a test that allows you to assess the relationship type of your partner .
What drives him? What makes him happy? What is he striving for? Because if you know that, you can decide whether it will feel good in the long term.