Love advice

Is It Love Or Emotional Dependency? 10 Ways To Know

It’s so easy to confuse emotional dependency with love. There’s a thin line between the two, but nevertheless, it’s very visible. It’s the line that separates desire for somebody from neediness.

You see, when it comes to love, it’s connected with desire. It’s about choosing somebody to be a part of your life, someone who will add to your bliss.

Emotional dependency, on the other hand, is connected with neediness. It’s like you are addicted to that other person, you look for your value in their eyes and your life without them has no meaning.

This behavior brings you nothing but pain and emotional crashes, one after the other. You confuse want with need. That’s why you have heard the words clingy and needy too many times in your life.

 

The thing with emotional dependency is that you behave the same way in every relationship you have ever been in. That causes your relationships to fail.

It’s not easy to admit to yourself that you are emotionally dependent. At times, people who suffer from it are clueless about their state. They really can’t see that there is any cause for concern.

That’s why there are clear signs of emotional dependency that you should look for, to see if any of it sounds familiar. If it does, you need to work on overcoming emotional dependency asap.

1. Feeling of emptiness when they are not around

It’s normal to miss somebody you care about when they are not with you. Regardless of whether a short or long period of time has passed, you would like nothing more than if they were right beside you.

But where emotional dependency is concerned, you do more than miss them, you feel like you are empty. You are sad and even anxious and concerned about if they are coming back.

2. You are often overwhelmed by jealousy

When your loved one is not with you, you want to make sure that he is not around the opposite sex. You convince yourself that you trust him but that you don’t trust those around him.

You are terrified that someone could steal him away. You catch yourself being overly possessive and jealous for no apparent reason.

Your insecurities are convincing you that something is off and you can’t shake that feeling.

 

3. You cancel all your other plans to spend time with them

It almost feels like you are constantly looking at your phone waiting for a text or call from them, waiting for them to make some plans and you jump at every opportunity to spend time with them.

You have no problem with canceling any of the prior plans you made with your friends or family. He is all you care about. He is first on your list of priorities.

It’s obvious that this is all due to emotional dependency and it can be one of the things that you will regret the most. The relationships you have with your friends and family will suffer and get damaged.

Also, your partner will look at you as someone who has no life and is there to be at his service. Sooner or later, he will start taking you for granted.

4. When you don’t hear from them for a couple of hours, you get anxious

Where are they? Who are they with? Did they forget all about me? Is something bad happening? Did they change their mind about our relationship?

Millions of questions run through your brain every time you don’t get an immediate response. You don’t have faith in your relationship, your partner or yourself for that matter.

You would like nothing more than if they texted you all the time or at least replied asap. You hate not hearing from them for a long period because you are scared that it means the end of your relationship.

 

5. If your partner doesn’t act a certain way, you don’t feel safe or loved

This is also connected with hearing from them as often as possible but it goes beyond that. It’s connected with all the expectations you have from your partner.

You expect them to behave in a certain way, to do some things as you imagined or you even go to the lengths of wanting them to behave like your friend’s partner because in your opinion they are the best.

And if something doesn’t go as scheduled or planned, you feel as if they don’t love you enough. You start feeling unsure and you fear that might signify the end of your relationship.

6. Your mood depends on them

They make your days brighter or darker. When they are around and giving you attention, you are happy. As soon as they leave your sight, you are miserable.

Also, when they are sad and concerned, you are as well. When they are happy, you are happy, regardless of what their happiness or sadness is concerned with.

They shouldn’t be the one altering your mood. You are the only one who should have control over that. Someone else shouldn’t create your days; you have yourself for that.

 

7. You need your partner’s constant approval

Instead of looking at yourself through your own eyes, you are looking through theirs. That’s why you require feedback from them.

You fish for compliments and you feel great when they reassure you of how beautiful, smart and sexy you really are. You seek validation in them instead of looking inside of you.

Compliments are always welcome but you should feel confident enough about yourself that you don’t require your partner to boost your ego at all times.

8. Your greatest fear is that you wouldn’t be able to live without them

Of course, you want your relationship to last and you wish that the person you adore would be yours forever. But you can never know—there is no guarantee.

Your fear of them leaving is so great that you would tolerate anything to make them stay. You put up with all sorts of unforgivable things because life as you know it would be over if they walked away from you.

You have to realize that your life existed before them and that it will surely exist after them. It may even be better than the life you are settling for now.

 

9. You firmly believe that your love will change them

If you are in a relationship you are not happy in, if your partner keeps treating you poorly and you keep hoping and believing that your love will change them, you couldn’t be more wrong.

Nobody changes radically for love. People change only because they feel the need to change and there is nothing that anybody else can do about it, no matter how strong their love is.

 

10. You keep putting them on a pedestal

Your partner is the epitome of perfection as far as you are concerned. You raised them high and you don’t look at them as your equal. You look at them as some divine creature that needs to be worshipped.

It’s OK to have a good opinion about your partner and to look at them with admiration. But if you are taking it too far, that’s not good for you or your relationship.

You won’t be able to be yourself around him, you will want perfection and you will be devastated when your perfect partner does something that’s far from perfection.

You have to understand that we are all made of flaws and virtues and that we should be accepted and loved just as we are.

All in all, emotional dependency can cause real damage to both you and your relationship. Its main source is the lack of self-esteem and insecurities you are filled with.

That’s why the first place to start is with building your confidence. Detaching yourself from that other person and creating your own life. The life you are proud of. The life in which you love yourself more and more with every day.

The person you are with should be your equal. They should be there to add to your happiness and the life you have already made for yourself. They are not there to define you or complete you. You have to make yourself whole.

 

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