We’re all living in a society where we create new list of our personal needs every day. We just love that phrase “I need”, like “I need to change my car”, “I need to buy a new pair of shoes”, “I need to get another cell phone”, “I need to work on my body because summer is knocking on our door”, etc.
If we would just stop and think for a moment about consumerism that is surrounding us, this could be very understandable. Many people are concerned when some of us are thinking like this, although it doesn’t justify us. But what is much worse is when we move these ideas and these thoughts into our relationship it can become a huge problem.
I love you, but I just don’t need you!
If you are familiar with these kind of sentences “You are my life”, “I am nothing without you” or “I would die without you” or even if you melt every time your partner says “You mean a world to me,” then consider yourself as a part of those people who make their relationship the center stage of their lives.
Love is a freedom, not suffering
We can often hear phrases such as “I have to/need to be with him/her all the time” or “I would do anything for him/her”!
Have you ever asked yourself what really lies behind these phrases? Perhaps, one person in the relationship thinks that he depends of another person, perhaps a person have lost his own identity or there is a fear of losing that person. Seriously, these kinds of statements can truly tell us that there is some kind of insane relationship behind.
Love can create a bond between two people and sometimes it can become a painful chain when there is no freedom. If two people want to be in a healthy relationship, both of them must be clear that being with that special person is a personal option, but not a necessity.
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Sex? Communication? Romantic Dates?
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Instead of saying constantly “I cannot live without you”, it would be much prettier to say ”I could live without you and be happy” even if we are not used to, or something like this “ I choose to be with you because I want you to be a part of my happiness and my life”. At the end what you are actually trying to say is “I love you, but I do not need you”.
We have been taught or we have heard from someone that sometimes when being love it’s inevitable to suffer and I find this as false. From the moment you start having a bad time in the relationship, there is no longer love, at least for the people who understand that love is synonymous with well-being, happiness, to have unconditional surrender, respect and most important to have the freedom.
Couples who go from loving to enduring each other, who start to tolerate situations which go against their principles, who allow disrespect or emotional blackmail do not do it because they love their partner, but because they didn’t learn how to love themselves.
People are sometimes self-deceiving thinking that they need each other. They actually continue to live in the routine which is not satisfying, because they believe that if they end that relationship they will not find love again.
People often separate and start new relationships. Some people suffer the loss of a loved one and eventually move on, even we know that someday won’t be here and life will continue.
Keep in mind that nothing is forever and know how to give up. You have to know what doesn’t suit you and what helps you to value the people who are part of your life. Try to maintain healthier relationship which is based on the choice of what we want and not what the others impose to us.
Your partner is just ONE part of you!
People often fall into the trap thinking that their relationship is everything. You can hear them saying: “He/she gives meaning to my life “. And as much as romantic it sounds, it’s one of the worst mistakes that can be made.
We cannot allow that the meaning of our life, our happiness is in the hands of another person, no matter how much we love.
Of course, the person we choose to share our life is an important being, but it can’t be the only or the main thing in our life.
Every single person’s life is complicated with many other things. We just need to dedicate some time to our own growth as people. Our emotions and our own goals in life are part that which cannot be left aside.
Remember, you cannot stop being who you are, you cannot lose your essence and identity just to satisfy your partner. If so, you will find yourself in a toxic relationship based on fears and obsessions.
Do not forget that if you want something does not mean you need it: to love someone means also to love freely, to love someone means to choose that person every day without depending on it.