A Letter To The Narcissist Who Destroyed Me

Dear “You”,

I don’t even want to give you a name. You don’t deserve one. You will be referred to as “You” and that’s the kindest thing I could have ever said to you. This impersonal, cold, distant pronoun. You don’t deserve anything better.

How are “You”?

Is the sun still shining brightly through your windows? Or did you cover them up with dark curtains to avoid the light—to live in the darkness like I do?

I guess you didn’t. Nothing has changed about the way you look at things.

You leeched off of me. Period. You sucked me dry. Period. You destroyed me. Period. You moved on to the next one. Period.

Oh, that poor girl. She doesn’t even know what awaits her. She has no idea. She thinks you are the best there is. She thinks you’re going to give her the world. She thinks you wear your heart on your sleeve. She thinks she has found the one.

She is a fool as I was.

Nothing was ever about me, was it? Everything was about you. If you had a bad day, I had to suffer. If your life wasn’t going the right way, I had to pay for it.

You had such power over me. I really can’t imagine why and how I let you do that. It’s either that I was too weak to fight you, or you were too strong in your mind-playing that I didn’t even stand a chance.

You were convincing me of things that are not real. You brainwashed me. You turned me into an obedient little puppet.

I was the one who had to dance to the music you were playing.

You’re really something.

You never managed to at least pretend you are not in love with yourself. I was a ‘third wheel’ in our relationship although it was just the two of us.

Although I blame you for a lot of things, I blame myself, too. I should have known what was going on. Actually, I did know what was going on, but I refused to believe it.

I refused to acknowledge that was happening to me. I refused to accept I’d fallen into a trap. I refused to see you as you were—a narcissistic piece of s**t.

 

I tried to make the two of us work. You were a challenge to me and I never walk away from a challenge. I thought I could change you. Boy, did I get it wrong.

I was addicted to you. You were my fix. Every time I needed a dose I would come back. I was afraid to be alone so I went back for a fix of you—every single time.

The only thing that I got from you was humiliation. I got someone who thought he was better than me—someone who thought he was better than anybody else.

In our lives, I always came second. I always came right after you.  

“You”! “You” destroyed me. You manipulated me. You insulted me. You took my life away from me. You robbed me of all my feelings. You made me numb. You made me indifferent.

Your sharp and cold words trained me to feel absolutely nothing. During our fights, I just sat there and stared at a fading spot on the wall, waiting for you to finish. I just moved my head like a zombie in an approving manner—just to make you stop. I agreed to everything you said.

Just to make you stop. Just to enjoy the silence again.

I really can’t say at what point I gained enough strength and courage to call the things by their real names—to see clearly for the first time after a long time.

Was it because I had nothing left to lose? Was it because I was so indifferent that I didn’t care what is going to happen to me anymore?

I don’t know. The only thing I know is that I had enough. You took everything from me. You drained me. I had nothing else left to give you.

Maybe you were the one who let me go because I wasn’t of use anymore. All that was left of me was an empty shell.

You don’t need empty shells. You need someone’s energy to feed off of. And I didn’t have it anymore. Now, it’s her turn to feed you and to become a simple outline of the beautiful woman she was before.

But you know what. I filled my outline. I filled in my sketch with pretty colors. As I continued to live my life without you, I added colors one by one.

After some time, I finished my work of art. I finished my masterpiece. I finished myself.

 

ThoughtCatalogs
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬 is a wonderful blogging website with the WordPress theme. It will motivates the needs of any person & make them inspire instantly, all the way to complex online magazine websites. Whether you need a website for video blogging, video tutorials and lessons or any sort of , The thought catalogs platform is the perfect choice.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Discover

Sponsor

Latest

Daily Horoscopes, Thursday November 26, 2020 for each Sign

This is an interesting and very controversial day. On Thursday many will feel the special attention or love of a man who is in...

THE KIND OF PARTNER YOU ALWAYS ATTRACT, BASED ON YOUR ZODIAC SIGN

  Have you ever felt like you’re always attracting the same types of guy? The circumstances in which you meet them may be different but...

USING RISING SIGN TO ACCEPT & ADAPT TO CHANGE in 2020

The Rising Sign is a very important sign in a person’s natal chart, though it has been often been overlooked in the past as there...

Why You Should Never Settle For Less In Life

  This might seem stupidly obvious, but it’s something that we simply can’t stress enough—you only have one life. You might be thinking ‘well obviously’,...

This is how the Full Worm Moon will affect your zodiac sign June 2020

It’s a new month and we can’t believe it: February flew by and we’re now moving right into June . In other words, this...