To The Man I Love Who Has No Idea About It
People are always telling me I’m going to find another you. But what they fail to realize is that there is no other you. And even if there was, I wouldn’t have it. I would still choose you.
When we first met, I was absolutely stunned by you—by how you behaved, how you talked and how you treated everyone around you. I couldn’t believe that I’d ever get to meet such a man. I know what I wanted my man to have the minute I got to know you. He should be tailored by you.
You are a simple guy. The one every mother would like her daughter to marry. You can make me laugh no matter what mood I’m in. I can joke around you because I know you won’t get mad. I can be comfortable around you, and not have things awkward. You can keep me laughing and you sure as hell can keep me on my toes. You accepted me for who I am, but I don’t know if you’d accept me if you knew how I feel about you.
The idea of you and me has been keeping me awake at night for a long time now. The idea of always having you by my side never escapes my mind. I can’t stop imagining how you’ll show up one night and make everything that’s dividing us disappear. How you’ll let go of all our burdens by a simple gesture, by showing up at my house one night and kissing me slowly.
I truly believe you and me are soulmates. I believe we’re two souls separated by birth and now we’ve found each other. It’s just that it’s a bit complicated. A little bit more, to be honest.
See, you’re exactly what I am and what I was looking for. But your timing sucks. Or is it mine? Sometimes life complicates things more than we’d like it to. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do, you can’t be with the one person in life you actually want to be.
And I’d ask those people that tell me I can have another you, “What’s the point of trying with somebody else when my heart is taken although my status is single?”
Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter that I want you so badly when I know I can’t have you.
It’s not that I’m giving up on you, I’m just deciding not to fight for us.
The thing is, I’d rather have you the way I have you now than risk it all. I know it’d take me to the sky if things worked out between us, but I also know it would tear me to pieces if I lost you. The stakes are too high, and I’m not ready to gamble you. I’d rather settle then accept the possibility of not having you in my life.
You have no idea how much I like you, how much you make me smile, how much I love talking to you or how much I wish you were mine.
But, I’ll never say out loud how I feel because I’m scared to mess things up. I’m scared to ruin this special connection between us with wanting more. I’m not sure if you’re ready to give up on what you have to be with me. And it would kill me if you weren’t because there isn’t a thing I wouldn’t give up for you.
But, if you ever make a choice and that choice turns out to be me, if you ever do what I don’t have the courage to do, there isn’t a thing you should be afraid of.
Because if you chose me, I’m yours. If you decide to try, I’ll give us a shot.
I’ve chosen you a long time ago.