You Never Had To Question My Loyalty But I Was Right To Question Yours

 

From the very first day, from the very first time you told me you loved me, I have always repeated that the only thing that you could do to make me stop loving you is to cheat on me. And here we are, you managed to make me leave you.

I was all about you. Don’t you remember? How much I smiled whenever you should come walking my way. I would always try to memorize your every move when you were walking toward me. I would remember your smile, the way your eyes wouldn’t move away from me and the way your arms were spreading while you were welcoming me into your hug.

 

Today, whenever I remember the time and effort I gave you, I start crying. It’s just the bitterness that’s eating me alive every time I want to think of you. Like it’s telling me that it was all my fault and that I shouldn’t have let you into my life. But who would have known?

 

At that time, you were everything to me. There are still days when I wake up hoping that I will turn to the other side of my bed and that I will see your face, how you’re still sleeping so peacefully. I wish for all those things to just disappear, I wish for that moment of truth to vanish from my memory and I wish that the idiot I loved wasn’t an idiot.

There is nothing more important to me than loyalty. With loyalty, you put your partner as a priority and you decide that you two are more important than a fling or a one-night stand. I still remember the time when you looked me in the eye, dead serious, telling me that I was the only one you wanted in your life and you would always get mad at me whenever I asked you if you would cheat on me.

I was right for asking, wasn’t I? That one-night stand was more important to you than all our kisses and the months, nights and mornings we spent with each other. That one mistake made you lose someone who was ready to love you until death do us part. I was the person who was ready to do anything to make you happy—but that doesn’t include forgiving you.

I will never forgive you. Maybe one day, when I am done with sobbing and when I am too old to remember the details, I will forgive you. But believe me when I say that you don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve to be forgiven, for you are a monster.

Ohh, I am not exaggerating. You were waiting for me to come and see how your head had found its way between her legs and that was enough for me to label you a monster for as long as I will remember you.

 

Don’t even try to apologize anymore. I have heard enough. “I’m sorry,” and, “I was drunk,” and, “I didn’t mean it,” and, “You know I love you” is everything that I got from you. But the only thing I actually wanted was for you to vanish out of my life at that exact moment.

 

But thank you, truly and full-heartedly—thank you. I owe you one. You made me see the real you and you helped me see with eyes unclouded that the man I once loved is nothing more than a beast who can’t shake the sexual tension between him and his ‘friend’. Thank you for helping me remember how important loyalty truly is and that people like you shouldn’t even bother to stay in my life.

 

Maybe one day it won’t be so hard anymore. I like to believe that there are faithful people out there. People who will make me a priority above everyone else, people to whom I will be important and special. I will save my love and my attention for when the time is right for me to give it to them.

Until that day, I will remember that time you gave up on us in the most disgusting way ever. Thank you for doing it so I could leave. Maybe one day I will even forgive you and you will be nothing more than a memory.

 

ThoughtCatalogs
ThoughtCatalogs
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