I know you thought you would get over this guy the second you walked away from him. That you would leave him in the past, where he belongs, the moment you cut him out of your life for good.
After all, everyone keeps advising you to go no contact. Everyone keeps telling you to stop talking to his friends and family and to get rid of everything that might remind you of him. To avoid all the places you could run into him, to stop listening to your songs and to stop looking at your old photos.
And this is exactly what you did. You followed each one of these steps but somehow, you still feel that this man exists inside of you. You still feel like he is a part of your being and it still hurts when you think of him.
Somehow, you still haven’t let him go. You still haven’t gotten over him and you still haven’t moved on with your life, the way you hoped you would.
Yes, you thought that you would mend your broken heart the moment you broke all ties with him. That you would rebuild yourself the moment you deleted his number and blocked him on all social accounts. That you would stop thinking about him the day you stopped seeing him in person.
You were convinced that one morning, you’d just wake up and that he wouldn’t be the first thing that went through your mind. That one day, you’d just stop feeling like someone was stabbing you in the heart.
That you’d stop thinking about him and about your relationship. About the things that went on between the two of you and about the things that could have or should have been.
But this didn’t happen, as much as you wanted it to. You couldn’t magically snap your fingers for him to be gone from your heart or mind.
Well, let me tell you one thing you need to learn. Letting go needs time and it never happens overnight.
It isn’t easy like ripping off a Band-Aid and it doesn’t happen when you want it to happen. Letting go is a process which requires more patience and energy than you might think.
Letting go happens gradually and it takes a lot of work and struggles. It is not a miraculous moment in which you suddenly know that you are over someone who you loved so much.
Letting go isn’t one big step you take just once. Instead, it is a collection of hundreds of tiny baby steps you take one by one. It’s a series of milestones that you reach over the course of time.
It isn’t loud and it doesn’t make a big entrance. It doesn’t happen when you expect it to happen and it doesn’t make you a new person overnight.
And it takes a different amount of time for everyone.
So don’t let anyone try to convince you that you are taking too long to recover or that you should have moved on a long time ago. Don’t let anyone try to predetermine a timeframe in which you are expected to pick up the pieces of your broken self.
And no—it doesn’t mean you are weak just because you can’t switch your emotions on and off. It doesn’t mean you are less strong just because you can’t force yourself to forget someone when you feel like it.
Instead, it only means that you are way stronger than you might think. Because you have the courage to face your feelings. Because you are brave enough not to lie to yourself, saying that you’ve moved on when you clearly haven’t.
It only means that you are strong enough to fight with yourself and with your emotions. That you are strong enough to push yourself forward even when everything around you is holding you back.
You might now be aware of this but while all of your struggles are happening, you are actually letting go, without even being aware of it. You are getting over it and you are moving on with your life, without knowing it.
Suddenly, you see that you are living your life without this person by your side. You catch yourself smiling and you realize that there has passed an entire day in which you haven’t thought about him.
Suddenly, you see that you’ve let go and you have no clue when or how it happened.