The ideal thing when dealing with a narcissist would be a no-contact policy.
However, if you have kids with him, going no-contact would be impossible. It might seem to you that you will be stuck with your narcissist your whole life.
But that does not have to be the case.
There is one thing you can use to handle co-parenting like a boss with a narcissist.
Since you cannot entirely use no-contact when you have kids with a narcissist, the gray rock method is the method that will help a lot in reducing your communication with him to the minimum.
When co-parenting with a narcissist, the gray-rock method will definitely come in handy.
The gray rock method is all about being unopinionated, uninteresting, and boring.
You definitely don’t want to be the center of attention and attract your narcissist with your drama.
You have to make it seem like your life is boring, like there is nothing going on, like there is nothing for him to see.
The only topic you should talk about is the kids.
You should talk about the grades the kids get at school, their achievements, their school performances, etc. You don’t owe your narcissist anything more than that.
You see, a narcissist does not care about you nor does he care about the kids. He uses the kids, so he can get involved in all the drama that happens in your lives. The drama is what he loves.
When co-parenting with a narcissist, bear in mind that using the gray rock method will be a bit challenging.
He will give his opinions about the kids, and it will be difficult to not get caught in the fight because whatever you say, he will have the opposite take.
It’s going to be really hard, but don’t get caught up in self-defense!
The truth is that narcissists do not have any real opinions about anything. They want to say the opposite of what you say just for the sake of disagreeing.
Remember to always keep calm, and never show your emotions to him!
No matter what he says or does, just act like you are not upset, and act like you are totally indifferent!
It is perfectly normal for you to be angry and for you to want to argue with him, but there is no use in doing that.
If he sees he is making you angry with his opinions, he will more than likely enjoy it. And it will, once again, be him who wins.
Also, you will look like the crazy one in front of your kids.
Your kids must not see you arguing in front of your narcissist because he can easily turn that to his advantage.
You cannot let your narcissist turn your kids against you. The first thing that you have to do is talk sincerely with them.
You have to be honest, and tell your kids that you and your narcissist are not getting along but that both of you are trying to do what it takes to make them happy.
The second important thing is that your personal life should not be brought up when talking with your narcissist about the kids.
You should never ever share information about your personal life with him. Sharing is a boundary. If you share anything, he will use it against you.
He does not need to know what happens in your private life.
If you share you’re happy about something, he will make you feel like shit.
If you share that you are sad, he will make you feel even more miserable.
They love doing this. They are master manipulators at it.
Once that your narcissist realizes that he cannot cross your boundaries, he will be upset and furious.
But every time you set a boundary and enforce it, you get stronger. You gain more self-confidence and more self-respect.
And one more thing that is important: you will set a healthy example for your kids.
They will learn to implement healthy boundaries early on in their lives.
The most important part of it, you will become like a grey rock—plain and boring. And that’s when your narcissist will leave you alone.
He will start searching for a new victim, someone who will feed him with the energy you decided to deny him.
It takes a lot of hard work to master the art of grey rocking. But once you’ve mastered it, it’ll be totally worth your while.
Your narcissist will have to honor the legal agreement of shared custody—and you will be seeing him a lot. But with the method you’ve mastered, he stands no chance.