Feeling alienated and distant from your partner after a big blow-up is truly a nightmarish feeling. You keep asking yourself if this is that one fight that will do you in and wondering how and if you can recover from this.
Frustration, anger and fear are taking over you and you can’t help but feel like there is no going back from this.
After a traumatic confrontation with your man, there are two ways how you can cope and move forward from there.
First one is the healing you must do on your own, to get your mind to that healthy place, so you can figure this out with a clear conscience.
And the second one is your joint effort in solving this in a positive way, genuinely wanting to get better and heal.
After a brutal fight, here are 5 ways how you can help fix your relationship get better as a couple.
1. Identify the root of your problem
In the heat of the moment, things will be said by both parties that will be regretted when you both cool off.
In this situation, you are both the ‘victims’’ and both of you are on the same side, as hard as it is to realize at that moment.
This is why you shouldn’t take long before reflecting and retracing your steps, in order to figure out where exactly things went out of hand.
Once you identify that, reach out to your partner, and calmly and carefully talk with him about the issue, without assigning blame.
This is vital in the make-up process. You both need to take responsibility for the words you said and apologize before resolving it further.
2. Give each other a little breathing room
After having each other’s opinions likely screamed in both your faces, the smart thing to do now is to give each other space.
If you live together, do not leave the house entirely, as it will add an unnecessary feeling of abandonment, but rather retract to different rooms.
If your partner is the one to initiate this, do not try to stop him. You both need to be alone with your thoughts in order to clear your mind, calm yourself and figure out the next step.
Only after having had that alone time, can you try and talk it over again.
3. Reunite with your partner and patiently listen to what he has to say
Communicating with your partner after a big fight is greatly dependent on timing.
After cooling off and collecting your thoughts, meet up and listen to what the other one has to say. Keep in mind – you are both hurt by this fight, not just you.
If you are not ready to listen, things could quickly take a turn for the worse so be sure your mind is in a positive place for a constructive conversation.
Use ‘I feel…’’ sentences and avoid pinpointing blame. (‘’I feel really misunderstood when you say this and that…’’)
4. Avoid round two by all means
The whole point of finding common ground again is to avoid repeating the argument at a later time.
Patiently waiting until your partner gives his side of the story is the crucial part. You will get your turn. Until then, listen with an open mind and keep your emotions in check.
You want your partner’s full attention when you get your turn, right? Then do the same for him.
Your behavior during this post-fight conversation is going to make all the difference. Listen to respond, not to reply.
And when it’s your turn, don’t hold anything in. Let your feelings out and don’t feel bad about it.
This is an honest conversation between two people who love each other, you both need to hear the harsh truth sometimes in order to learn and grow from this.
5. Learn to forgive and learn from this experience
After sorting things out, make sure to tell your partner how much you care about him. He will likely do the same for you.
It’s important to remind each other of the love you feel, in order to know that what you’re going through right now is worth it in the long run.
Forgive your partner with an open heart and let it go, after you work it all out.
Keep in mind how you got to this point in the first place, and do everything in your power not to let it get this far again.
Let the problem remain in the past, and focus on your joint future.