I know you’re mad over the last things I said to you. Yes, my words may not mean anything now and same goes for my apology, but yet, I am going to say what I have to say.
I didn’t have the intention to sound as harsh as it might appear to you. It was a misunderstanding and I am sorry—it was just a poor choice of words.
I know you won’t understand this explanation, but I also know you don’t believe that I think anything bad of you nor could I ever.
The main problem between the two of us was our communication. Maybe in another world where the circumstances were different and I was a bit less of me, and you were a bit less you, and where our tempers were a bit milder, we could have had everything we have ever imagined for the two of us.
I also know that neither of us would ever give into the other and I know this would all result in an even bigger fight.
You said that we can’t continue and that what we have is doomed to turn into a hell. I agree.
I am sorry that the last words I said were by far the worst I could ever imagine being said by the two people who loved each other, and who still love each other secretly, but will never admit it again in this life.
I would hate to see that the last things I said fall as a shadow over everything nice and beautiful that happened between us. To live some of those moments was even worth going through hell and, even for the sake of my life, I wouldn’t change those moments. We, both of us, know that what we went through will never be repeated. I know that nothing will ever be the same.
Some places and some of our sayings will forever carry those memories.
What I really think, and I know you know I should’ve said this instead of those words, is that you are the girl that’s hard to find and win over and that should be kept and this last thing I didn’t really know how to do properly. But one thing is for sure, I was always aware of the person you are.
You are the part of my life that will remain there as a faded picture, reminding me of the times when I believed that true love existed; reminding me of the waves of the ocean, long walks on the beach or long walks deep in the night; of the nights spent in the arms of a person I love, and mornings with kisses; of coffee in our favourite coffee shop, and meetings after work; of starry skies we watched with my hand in yours while we daydreamed of the life we wanted to build together because I know something like this is hard to repeat with anybody else.
Actually, it’s impossible to repeat what we had with anybody else. The feeling I had in those moments, with you, will remain forever unique. Nevertheless, I will be grateful for those moments we’ve been through together to eternity.
If I had the chance to live this life over again, I’d chose to live everything differently except the time I’ve lived with you.
Although I had the habit to say how you can’t find a better guy nor anyone like me, I know now and I knew back then as well that it wasn’t true.
I honestly wish you the best of luck in finding the ‘right’ one who’s going to be everything you’ve dreamed your man to be.
Maybe time will make the prejudice we’ve created in our heads fade away and maybe we’ll meet again. Maybe the time will come when we’ll remember our days and all those nice things we’ve been through together, and maybe we’ll laugh at our stupid fights and talk about our lives and where our destiny had led us.
Maybe we’ll even get to meet each other’s children and loved ones.
While I am writing this I am aware this will be the most painful thing in my life for a long time, but I also know you’ll feel the same and I know regardless of the time that stands between us, there will always be that somebody somewhere out there to whom my thoughts will fly to.
I hope you’ll read this.
It would just be less painful for me to go through all this if you wouldn’t answer.