Relationship advice

Staying friends with the ex ruined your relationship

Are you staying friends with your ex, even though you are already in a new relationship? That could turn out to be a mistake. A recent study found that this friendship has a negative effect on the new love.

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The ex is usually a controversial topic in relationships. Not without reason, as a recent study claims. Because obviously it has its reasons why partners keep in touch with the past – and they stand in the way of new happiness .

Study on the relationship to ex

Why do some people keep contact with their former partners? This question was investigated by scientists at the University of South Florida . Psychology Assistant Professor Lindsey Rodriguez told Broadly that she wanted to understand how people deal with the “very physical and emotional break in their lives when relationships end. For this purpose, she and the team interviewed about 400 students, mainly women, who recently had a separation and had been in a new relationship for at least three months.

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First result: Around 40 percent of the subjects still had contact with their former partner. A first study found that those who had contact with the ex, in contrast to the others, had “greater romantic feelings for the exiled and, in retrospect, greater difficulty reconciling with separation”.

Staying friends with ex: The current relationship is suffering

The study also found that people who are friends with the ex also feel a less strong attachment to their current partner. Rodriguez and her team came to this conclusion in a second study to explore the reasons why former partners stay in touch. They found that often dissatisfaction in the current relationship behind it. With the contact to the ex concerned persons would in a sense keep all possibilities open, in case the current partnership fails.

The reasons for the contact are crucial

So does that mean you have to worry immediately if the partner still has contact with your former friend or girlfriend? Not necessarily mean Lindsey Rodriguez. Not the fact that contact exists is interesting, but the reasons behind it. If it was really about the preservation of a platonic friendship , that has no effect on the current relationship. But if you always report back to the Ex to have several irons in the fire, you should decide.

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“If that’s the case, it’s more likely to develop depression or anxiety,” says Rodriguez. Moreover, a healthy new relationship on such a basis is simply impossible. Since help only a contact break, in order to adjust itself completely on the new life situation.  


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