I do not want to be in love anymore
I don’t really want to be in a relationship where all of my suspicions are constantly getting aroused. I don’t want to be in the kind of relationship wherein I always feel like I can’t be safe and secure with someone. I don’t want to have to see you hide your phone right away whenever I enter a room so that I won’t find out about who you’ve been texting.
I don’t want to have to watch you leave the room every single time your phone rings in the middle of the night so that I won’t have to hear you talk to your lover.
I don’t want to keep on speculating about everything that you’re doing behind my back. I don’t want to have to keep on guessing about what you’re doing whenever I’m not around to keep an eye on you.
I don’t want to have to always be vigilant in our relationship. I don’t want to keep on looking for signs that you’re cheating on me. I don’t want to stay in a relationship with a guy who I always have to be worrying about. I’m really not going to be tolerant of that at all.
I don’t want to have to deal with all of the emotional baggage that will come as a result of you cheating on me. I don’t want to have to bear with all the trauma that will befall me once I find out that you’ve been unfaithful to me. I really don’t want to have to be in a relationship with someone who disrespects me even when they should be loving me with all their heart.
I don’t want to force myself to love you even when I know that you’re up to so much shady crap behind my back. I know that I’m only going to develop a lot of trust issues if I find out that you’re really cheating on me. As if I don’t have enough problems on my own already.
If I’m going to be completely honest about it, I would rather that you just do the mature thing and leave me. That would be so much easier for me to accept and deal with. It would be so much simpler that way.
It would be so much easier for me to have you rip the Band-Aid of like that. I want you to just tell me straight to my face that you don’t love me anymore and that you would rather be with someone else.
That is the way I would rather things turn out between the two of us. I would rather have that happen than find out that you’ve been cheating on me and flirting with other girls behind my back.
Yes, a breakup would hurt and I’m not really deceiving myself on that front. I know that that would bring me so much pain. It would really hurt me to pay witness to you walking away from me.
It would kill me inside to find out that you’ve decided to move on from me. It will really pain me to see you date other women once you’ve decided that you’re ready to fall in love again. But despite all of the pain that that would bring me, it would definitely not hurt as much as finding out that you’ve been cheating on me.
That’s an incomparable kind of pain. That’s the kind of pain that I’m not sure I would ever be able to recover from. I know that I would probably get over you breaking up with me at some point. But I’m not sure I would ever be able to fully heal from finding out that you’ve been unfaithful to me.
I never really signed up to be in this kind of a relationship with you. I wanted all of you or nothing at all. If you’re cheating on me, then you’re essentially choosing to only give me parts of yourself.
And I don’t want any of that. I want you to give me your all. I was never okay with sharing your heart with someone else. So, please listen to me when I say that if you can’t give me all of your heart, then just take it and give it to someone else.
I would very much prefer that you just walk right out that door than have you stay with me even when your heart and mind is on someone else.
I’m not really all that interested in being a mere option to someone even when I want you to be my whole world. So, please just stop playing these games with me. Stop toying around with me. I’m not a plaything. Love me and only me. Or just leave me entirely. The choi