I Dare You To Ask Me How I’ve Been
After all we meant to each other, after all of our love, after all those moments we had, after all this time that now stands between us, I honestly don’t want you anymore. I am finally ready to say, “No” to you. I’m finally ready to move on. But it still hurts.
I loved you and you loved me. And I know what we had was real. I hoped it would last. I was so happy to find my soulmate. I was happy to have someone like you in my life. I felt so blessed to have you love me. But no matter how I felt, things didn’t work out. Sometimes love itself isn’t enough. Sometimes life gets in the way. Sometimes we allow our pride to take over. Sometimes we chose our ego over our love. And sometimes we lose the ones we love, even if we’d like things to go in a different direction.
I know that what we had was real, thanks to the pain I felt after it was over. I always knew that if our love ever came to an end, I’d end up being broken. And that’s exactly what happened.
We loved each other unconditionally and then, all of a sudden, I wasn’t good enough for you anymore. All you said you felt for me suddenly went away and you gave up on me. You gave up on me so easily. And there wasn’t anything I could possibly do. I was just left with my heart broken by you and instead of blood, I had pain and love leaking from the cracks.
One moment you loved me and the next you were walking away from my life. One moment you cared for me and the next you left without ever looking back. You ripped apart all that was holding us together and you moved on. One moment my apartment was full of your things and the next, you were leaving with all your things packed in a single suitcase.
I know our story ended, and this is not about getting you back. I know there is no more us, but what kills me the most is your coldness. It kills me the most to know you didn’t even care enough to call and see how I’ve been. You just gave up.
We were friends before we were lovers. You promised you’d always care.Why haven’t you?
You don’t have to tell me why you never checked up on me after you left. I know you too well.
You never asked how I’ve been because you never had the courage to see what kind of mess you left.
You never asked me how I’ve been because you couldn’t confront me after you broke me.
And you never asked me how I’ve been because you were scared to see if I’d moved on.
But, honestly, I am glad we haven’t had the conversation up to this moment. I’m glad you never called and I’m glad you never had the chance to see me broken. I’d never been such a wreck in my entire life as I was after you left. And I promise I never will be again.
I’ve picked myself up. After all this time, after you left, after being on my own and after beating myself up for not being able to stop you, I learned to let go. I learned you can never keep those who have headed out of your life, no matter how much you loved them. I learned that the people you love don’t necessarily stay in your life. And I learned that those who promise to love you won’t always love you forever. So I picked up my broken heart and I moved on. And now I’m ready.
Now I want you to ask me how I’ve been. Now I dare you to ask me how I’ve been without you.
I’ll tell you how painful it was, but you won’t get to see it. I’ll tell you how much I missed you, but you won’t be able to wrap your head around it. I’ll tell you it still hurts, but that I’m fine. And that last one will hit you hard.
Because I am fine. I’m finally fine without you. I finally moved on with my life. I finally let the love I had for you go. I let you go and I allowed myself to fall because I knew I’d find the strength to get up and move on.
I don’t want you anymore. I don’t need your love anymore. I don’t wait for your call anymore. But I dare you to call me now. I dare you to hear how good I’m doing now in life.
I dare you to look me in the eye, the girl you broke, and see that I haven’t remained broken. Do you have the courage?