I am not the one you will marry and I have good enough reasons to think so. I am independent and I don’t need a man to make me happy. You know, people who depend on others can never be truly happy.
I learned that lesson in a tough way, though.
I am rebellious, wild and I don’t let anyone hold me back. I pursue my dreams no matter how hard it is to make them come true. I don’t care what people think of my clothing or my makeup style. I always live my life to the fullest and that is the only thing that keeps me alive.
Maybe if I was born under different circumstances, I would behave differently. Maybe I would be a bored housewife who always nods her head when her husband talks to her. Maybe I would stay at home cooking all day, taking care of the kids and waiting for hours for my husband to come.
Maybe I would be the one who is always obeying elder people because that is what it is supposed to be. Maybe I would be the one who visits his parents even if I don’t like them. But I am not ‘guilty’ in that story. People see that I am easy to handle and they take me for granted.
BUT, I am not that one. In fact, I am totally opposite. I live my life by my rules and I don’t think there is a guy crazy enough to put up with me.
So, darling, with my heart on my sleeve, I am telling you: “I am not the one you will marry!”
I am not the one who will wait for you for hours to show up at a meeting. If you are that late, I will instantly break up with you, telling you the ugliest words that you can imagine. If you, God forbid, cheat on me, I will do my best to make your stomach turn at every new girl you meet. Because that is who I am and if it is going to be easier for you, blame me for everything that happens.
I am not wife material and I would like you to understand that ASAP. Because the last thing I would like to do is to break your heart. And I know that will happen eventually. When you tell me you want me for your whole life and not for one night only. I won’t be able to provide you with that.
So, back off and let me be. Respect my freedom and don’t dare to get attached to me if I said that’s not what I want. Because I am not the one who is going to have kids with you. I am not willing to die in labor for days to deliver kids while you will probably be drunk in the first bar celebrating.
I am not that kind of a girl. I know that I am selfish but that’s something that keeps me safe. That is my comfort zone. I have had many love relationships in my life and every time I was dumped. For no reason. For being too good. Now, I don’t want to go through all that pain again. I will be the one who will break boys’ hearts now. I will be a bitch who only takes care of herself. And if you are not strong enough to put up with all my crap, don’t you dare come anywhere close to me.
Maybe you want to kiss, but baby I want to bite. Love is not a temple to believe in. It betrayed me so many times. I wish you would be old so I could learn from your mistakes. I wish I was a little girl so you would tell me not to trust strangers. But now it is over—leave me to better hunters. If they will already shoot through my heart, let them be damn good about it.
So, don’t try to win what is impossible. You are an angel from another class and whatever you do, can’t save me from my life.
Only one who is fucked up like me can do that.
Of course, if I allow him to!