The truth is sometimes we sabotage our chances of finding love. So much so that we stray from the right path, and our love life looks like a line of disastrous crashes we barely survive. We are usually not even aware that we are doing something wrong. That’s why we keep repeating the same mistake over and over again.
That is why it’s high time to change some things. It’s time we stop standing in our own way of finding true love and get right back on the right path. It won’t be easy and we might not get where we want the first time around, but our efforts will pay off eventually. So, let’s start with things we should do to make that happen.
1. Say your final goodbye to the past
It’s not so easy to leave the past in the past. Sometimes it bruises us so much that we carry it with us. It makes so much damage that we feel like we have to build emotional walls around us, so that we can feel safe and protected. But while we might be in the safe zone because of it, we are also preventing love from finding us.
We get so scared that the same thing will happen again. We’ve developed trust issues and every new relationship we start, we start it with our emotional baggage from the past and that’s not a good way to start a new relationship. Not all people are your ex. Not everybody wants to play games or have hidden agendas.
I know it’s scary to open up and be vulnerable again, but that’s the only way you can find someone else. There is a great risk there of getting hurt, but it’s even with the chances of finding love and happiness. And if you ask me, love is always worth the risk.
The other thing we might be doing wrong with the past—aka our ex—is hoping that they will come back or that things might be different the second time around. If we are serious about getting on the right path, we have to cut all cords with our past, acknowledge that some things are over and usually that’s the best thing that could have happened to us
2. Stop Focusing On Finding Love And Start Focusing On Yourself
The rule is: When you chase after something, it keeps slipping away. It’s the same with all things in life, especially love. Sometimes we are so focused on finding love that it’s almost the only thing we ever think about. We want is so badly that we become desperate in our search. And that odour of desperation is what keeps love away.
The thing to do here is redirect our focus from finding the right person to discovering yourself. From making some changes in your life to impressing someone to making them to impress yourself and ultimately better your life. We have to build and create the relationship we have with ourselves in order to have one with somebody else. We have to fall in love with ourselves and our lives first, so somebody could fall in love with us later.
3. Toss that checklist of must-haves for your perfect partner
Sometimes, we create in our heads (or write down the actual list) of things we want our ideal partner to be. Doing this, we severely drift from the right path for finding love. For starters, there is no such thing as perfection. We are not perfect, so we shouldn’t expect it from anybody else. Secondly, we will most probably appreciate and value the most things we haven’t expected from our partner.
So relax and stop with those great expectations. Just because someone looks good on paper and checks all the boxes doesn’t mean they are right for you. Allow someone to positively surprise you. In the end, all we want is someone to accept us just as we are. That’s why we should do the same for them.
4. Set some new rules for yourself
While a checklist to finding a partner won’t do you any good, some rules and guidelines on what you should and shouldn’t tolerate from your partner are more than welcome. Love has this way of clouding our judgment, so we end up forgiving the unforgivable, tolerating everything and getting hurt in the end.
Having standards in a relationship is mandatory. You shouldn’t allow somebody to treat you poorly just because you love them. Love goes both ways. It demands trust, respect, mutual involvement and reciprocity all the way. Don’t settle for anything else.
You are probably in that stage right now where you think about why your previous relationship didn’t work out.I made an effort. I invested. I was all in. Maybe that’s the problem. You overinvested in somebody who didn’t do the same for you. You gave your best to somebody who gave you only bits and pieces. Don’t settle for half-assed loves and do things differently next time around. Don’t let anybody who doesn’t treat you right stay in your life.
5. You deserve to be loved and don’t ever allow yourself to think otherwise
Our past influences our future. That is inevitable. Toxic relationships can ruin our self-esteem. They can make us feel like we are not enough and that we are unworthy of love. That’s obviously not true. Our exes transferred their insecurities onto us. They had to make us feel less, so they could feel superior. They messed up your past. Don’t let them mess your future, too.
If this feeling doesn’t have to do anything with your exes and something to do with you, you should get to the bottom of things and see why you feel that way. Work on that. Work on yourself and find your self-love. You have to be able to receive the love coming towards you and you are not going to be able to do that until you realize that you are just self-sabotaging yourself. You are enough. You are unique and definitely worth of love. Never doubt that.
6. Create opportunities to meet new people
Love won’t literally come knocking on your door. You have to put yourself out there. The best way to achieve that is by improving your life. Take up some course you are interested in like language, cooking, dancing. Travel. Find a place to volunteer—whatever you want—just so it pulls you out from the rut you are stuck in. It will make you feel better. You will be doing something for yourself, maybe helping other people along the way and improving your chances of meeting someone new.
Explore the Internet dating scene. It can be very helpful when you want to meet new people. They can match you according to your common interests and increase your chances of finding someone. However, not everybody on the online dating scene is honest and trustworthy—good thing you can filter those people out.
Don’t roll your eyes on good old blind dating either. Sometimes a blind date can be just the thing that can open your eyes and make your heart skip a beat. The worst thing to do is exclude all the possibilities, stay in and expect love to find you.
7. Don’t rush into things
Like all good things in life, love takes time. Nothing can happen overnight. You have to work on it and build. Make sure you form a friendship with your new partner first. Sometimes we wait so long to start something new that once it happens, we get ahead of ourselves. We are skipping the steps and going from the promising beginning right to married with children.
So take it slowly. Don’t rush into things. It will only scare the other person away. Let things be. Build slowly. Start with mutual respect and trust. Then, move on to more complex things. See if you are really made for each other or it’s just an initial infatuation that is clouding your judgement.
8. Have a little faith that everything will work out
In the end when all is said and done and you have kept your end of the bargain, you have to have a little faith. You have to know that the right path to love includes relying on destiny to take its course, too. Love comes in the moment that it’s supposed to and not a minute earlier.
No matter how tired of waiting we might be, we have to believe that the right person is somewhere out there waiting for us to. Unfortunately, right things in life don’t come so easily. They take time and patience. So in the meanwhile, don’t just sit and wait. Work on yourself for yourself. Love and respect yourself and be ready when love comes your way.