Sometimes, you think you’re completely over the past. Until you meet someone new.
Then, out of the blue, all of your traumas reappear on the surface and you find yourself stuck with emotional baggage you thought you got rid of for good.
If this is something you’re going through right now, we have a way to help you!
1. Figure out what you want
The first thing you have to remember when getting involved with someone new is that a relationship won’t help you magically make your pain go away.
All of us heal at a different pace and if you’re not ready to move on just yet, don’t do it!
I’m not saying that you should continue living in your past forever but you’ll just make a big fuss in both you and your partner’s lives if you force yourself to enter into a new relationship.
That is exactly why you have to figure out what you really want before doing anything.
Have you really cut all ties with your ex, regardless of this baggage that’s been weighing you down? Did you accept that your past relationship is really over, without any hopes of trying to rebuild it?
Do you truly wish to step into a new stage of your life? Or are you only looking for a rebound and with someone to make your ex jealous?
Each one of these questions is crucial and you should answer them as honestly as possible because there is absolutely no point in trying to get rid of your baggage if that is not something you truly want to do.
2. Don’t run away from your baggage
Pain shouldn’t define you—that is a fact. However, it doesn’t mean that you will accomplish a lot if you act as if it doesn’t exist.
The truth is that the more you run away from something, the sooner it catches you. The same goes for this baggage of yours.
Instead of expecting it to disappear overnight, look your demons straight in the eye. Instead of turning your back on them, be brave enough to confront them and to chase them away.
3. Identify your emotions
The next thing you should do if you want to deal with your emotional baggage in the most successful way is to be honest about your emotions. What is it that you feel and most importantly—why do you feel it?
Are you scared or sad? Do you feel nostalgia or resentment? Do hate and desire for revenge consume you?
Do you still miss your ex or are you just afraid of letting anyone else in because of everything he’s done to you?
Are you afraid that every other guy will be just like your ex-boyfriend or do you secretly hope that to be the case?
Sometimes, we don’t have what it takes to call our emotions quite what they are. That is exactly why you need to put a lot of effort in with some introspection before you try resolving this problem.
4. Leave the past in the past
Once you realize what is bothering you, it’s about time you take a step back and understand that you’re wasting years of your life on something you have no impact on whatsoever.
Your emotional baggage is a part of the past. And you can’t change the past, as much as you’d like to.
I know that there are some things you can’t forget so easily, which hurt you even today.
However, just by giving them a place in your present life, you’re making them more important than they actually are.
It’s the same with people and events. Whatever happened in the past should stay there—for your own good.
Otherwise, you’re only becoming a prisoner of your negative memories. And the worst part is that you’re only hurting yourself by doing so.
Yes, life would be a hell easier if you could let go of the past in one instant. Nevertheless, sooner or later, you have to realize that some people weren’t meant to be.
Also, you have to realize that some things that happened to you were meant to be and were part of your destiny. You went through all of this with a cause and a purpose and there was nothing you could do to avoid it.
5. But learn from it
So, instead of allowing your emotional baggage to hold you back, make the best out of it and see it as a lesson.
Learn about the things you should never repeat if you want to avoid getting in this type of situation again and be grateful for everything you’ve been through.
Besides, don’t forget that all the bad things that happened helped you become the person you are today.
They helped build this strong and fearless woman you are today and they will help you be smarter in this new relationship.