We all have our little insecurities and self-doubts, but an insecure boyfriendtakes self-doubt to a level above normal. It directly influences his behavior towards a woman he is in a relationship with.
Signs of insecurity can’t be easily detected.
When you first start a relationship, you are at your best, your other half is at his best, and you really can’t tell what’s underneath.
Not in your wildest dreams can you know that you’re with an insecure manbecause insecurities will surface later on when masks drop and real faces are revealed—when you are too involved to simply let it go.
Even when you get to know your boyfriend better, his insecurities won’t be so obvious to you. You probably had the perfect beginning with him. He showered you with attention. He openly admired your beauty, and he might have even said that he doesn’t deserve someone like you.
He might not even be aware of how insecure he is, but you will, unfortunately, come to realize it soon enough. His behavior will start to shift, and it will show just how low his confidence is.
To be sure that this is the case with your boyfriend, here are some signs that will tell you whether your boyfriend is suffering from ‘insecure’ syndrome.
1. He doesn’t build a relationship; he jumps into it.
With him, there is no building a relationship step-by-step. He goes from the start of a relationship to near the finish line in just a few seconds.
He probably told you he loves you after only a few dates. He told you he wants to marry you and named your future children just a few months into the relationship.
This is his way of making sure you are his for eternity.
He is so scared to lose you that he is just rushing things without giving you a chance to see where you are truly at.
You see, an insecure boyfriend will always have the urge to label your relationship and even exaggerate it because it’s the only way for him to feel safe in it.
2. He will never admit that he is insecure
He will never admit that he has low self-esteem. He will never admit that he has done something wrong.
You might call him out and indicate to him all the things that he’s doing wrong, but he’ll never be able to accept your constructive criticism.
And even if he does, he will justify it all with the fact that he just loves you too much. Clearly, an insecure boyfriend doesn’t understand the consequences or the roots of his actions.
In his mind, everything he does is linked with how much he loves you and as a result of him worrying about you (but not out of the insecurity issueshe has).
3. His last relationship will be a part of the issue
Insecure men have a tendency to play the victim regarding their past relationships. He will tell you how his ex-girlfriend didn’t love him, how she treated him badly and left him with a broken heart.
He will exaggerate all of the details and even lie, only to make it look worse so you will pity him. The new relationship you are starting will be burdened by the past.
4. He always plays the victim
Playing the victim isn’t exclusively reserved for bad relationships from the past. It’s also incorporated into almost every segment of his life.
There will always be some people and situations where he has been taken for granted or misunderstood, and you’ll constantly have to reassure him that maybe things are not as he sees them.
Once you start doing that, he will become even more upset because you’re not letting him indulge in self-pity.
5. He requires constant validation
When someone is deeply insecure, they need constant proof of how worthy, loved, and valuable they are to someone. Soon enough, you will start to feel more like his cheerleader than his girlfriend.
He’ll want you to acknowledge every little thing he does. He will fish for compliments at all times, and nothing you ever say will be enough. An insecure guy has a hard time believing that someone thinks so highly of him.
6. Mood swings are a common occurrence
You never know what mood he will be in. It can switch from carefree and happy to angry in the blink of an eye.
One moment, he is all over you, and the next, he acts like you don’t exist.
7. You are the most common cause of his mood swings
Naturally, he will make you feel like you are to blame for his state of mind because he doesn’t know why he is feeling that way.
You will always be involved in some of his “problems”—at least he will try to make you feel like you are, even though you don’t have the slightest clue what’s going on.
8. He will make you self-doubtful as well
He will tell you the sweetest things today, and he will spoil it with insults tomorrow. He will stop you from pursuing your dreams because he is scared to pursue his. He will convince you that you are incapable of certain things because he knows he can’t do them.
He will project his flaws onto you and say you are the one with issues, not him. You will slowly start wondering if he’s right.
What he is doing is transferring his insecurities onto you and consciously or unconsciously making you as self-doubtful as he is.
9. He monitors your every move
All your social media activity can’t pass without him noticing every single detail. He’ll even want to have access to all of your social media accounts and often browse through your phone.
Every time you go somewhere, he will expect a detailed report. And if you start stuttering (unintentionally) or showing any other clues of possible lying, he will go mad within seconds because he’ll think that you’re making things up.
An insecure man always thinks that you’re doing something behind his back (even though you’re not), and it’s really hard to convince him otherwise. He lives in a world of illusions, and he’s totally unaware of it. This is all driven by his instability, and it will only get worse.
10. He will overreact every time he is unable to reach you
When he sends a text, he expects an immediate response. He expects you to answer his every call right away. He will call time and time again until you pick up, demanding an explanation as to why you didn’t answer when he called.
He will do this because, in his head, the reasons for you not responding are completely different from reality. So, he will immediately act frantically without even checking whether his assumptions are true.
He doesn’t understand that you have work; other obligations, friends, and family to talk to; and you don’t need to be at his beck and call every time he feels the need. This is probably the first red flag sign of insecure behavior that you will notice.
11. He is jealous and possessive
There is nothing that screams insecure boyfriend as much as jealousy does. He won’t understand you having male friends, even if they were a part of your life long before you met him.
He will be jealous if you are more accomplished in your career than he is. He will overreact to every sound of your phone buzzing. He will want to know your every move.
In no time, you will feel like he is smothering you. While it may start off small, it can quickly turn into something much more destructive.
Insecurities feed jealousy and, with time, it all becomes unbearable. This is something you need to watch out for the most.
12. He has almost no friends
His social life is nonexistent, to say the least. It’s not that he has a few good friends he likes spending time with. It’s more like he has one or none.
He would much rather spend all of his time with you. And when you tell him that you would rather spend time alone or with your friends, he instantly becomes jealous.
That’s why he never understands your girl’s nights out or long talks with your best friend. He often joins in on get-togethers with your friends, even though you didn’t actually invite him. Of course, you like spending time with him, but he is being way too clingy.
13. He creates problems where there are none
Whatever you do or say to him, he immediately deciphers it differently. He will misinterpret your every action and word because he always overthinks everything.
He’ll accuse you of wanting to insult him when your motives were the total opposite.
It is really hard to tell an insecure man that he is imagining things and that he is the problem, not you.
He will always think that you’re playing with his emotions or doing something behind his back, and you will forever have to reassure him that this is not the case and that it is all in his head.
The saddest thing about it is that he is never going to get rid of his insecurities until he faces them and starts working on himself.
14. He is scared you still have feelings for your ex
He doesn’t think much about himself, so his major concern is that someone better will come along and steal you away.
He is always asking more questions about your male friends than your female ones. He goes into extremes when his mind is blinded by jealousy. Either he gives you the silent treatment and doesn’t talk to you for days or he makes a huge drama.
What’s worse is that he will never own the fact that he is so insecure about himself, that it’s making him doubt you.
15. He uses ultimatums to control you
“If you don’t stay home tonight we are over.” and similar sentences are part of his repertoire.
Whenever you want to do something that doesn’t sit well with him, he will threaten you with a breakup.
Don’t allow him to manipulate you like this. He is not planning to leave, and even if he does, good riddance. You don’t need someone who is insecure and controlling in your life anyway.
16. He shows signs of aggressive behavior
When ultimatums don’t work, an insecure boyfriend can easily become physically aggressive. He gets so lost in his own mind and self-doubts that he simply lashes out at you.
Never tolerate this behavior. Any man who even dares to raise his hand to a woman is nothing more than a contemptible coward.
A few pieces of relationship advice that will come in handy
Now that you’ve gone through all the signs of insecurity in a man, you probably have a clear picture about your current or ex-boyfriend.
Low self-confidence doesn’t necessarily have to be a deal breaker. If they are minor, a few reassurances here and there will do the trick.
Open up to him about your insecurities. Let him know that you are both human and flawed, and that that’s perfectly normal. He doesn’t need to be perfect. He just needs to love you perfectly.
Make sure you tell him every now and then that he is the only man in your life and that you are lucky to have him. It will mean the world to him and his ego, and it will put his overthinking mind at ease.
Men are not known for their communication skills, and most of them would rather keep things bottled up inside than talk about them. So you have to make him talk.
Don’t be pushy, but asking how he is and what’s bothering him from time to time is a good idea. Maybe he just needs a little push to start opening up about things he is insecure about or some other things on his mind.
On the other hand, if a man you are dating has major insecurity issues, you have to approach things from a different viewpoint.
If you believe that enough time has passed and that you’ve done your best to indicate that he has an issue to deal with and he hasn’t done anything about it, your best option is to break up.
The truth is highly insecure people are incapable of healthy relationships, and you will just waste your time and energy in vain.
Things will just get worse with time, and it doesn’t matter what you do or how hard you try, you will just keep hitting the brick wall. In a situation like this, holding on does more damage than letting go.