TO THE MAN WHO HAS MY HEART
I remember every detail of the summer night when you left me. That loud sound of a church bell and the unbearable hotness, and people passing by and looking at my face as my tears were falling down it.
You didn’t come, you left me. You left me like a coward who does not have the courage to fight for love, to show its feelings. You left me at the moment when I wanted to say these words for the first time: “I love you.”
Sometimes I think that you weren’t ready to love me as much as I loved you. You didn’t give me a chance to show you that I would always be with you. You know how many things I have sacrificed for our love. I traveled over 300 miles and spent the last of my savings just to see you.
I was willing to accept your flaws, your silly jokes and your lack of trust. I simply adored your dark eyes, your curly hair, sweet lips and your birthmark at the corner of your right eye. I even adored your constant moaning about your ‘girlish’ legs because, darling, they were perfect for me.
Although it’s been a month since I got onto that bus and it took me away from you, away from us, I still don’t know how I managed to pull myself together and gather my strength enough to leave you. I was so weak, I hadn’t eaten for a whole day, apart from a bowl of cereal which I barely swallowed. My body was trembling, my lips were so dry, and I ran out of water.
My only hope, my salvation, was you. Not food or water, just you. It’s believed that a human being cannot live without air, food, water, or love. I would even have managed to survive if I just had your love. I didn’t care about anything else.
I have been crying since I arrived home. Not a day passed by without thinking of you.
The worst pain happens in the morning when I open my eyes and you become my first thought. At that moment, I wish I wasn’t awake.
My deepest fear is that you will forget about me, and maybe you already have. I fear that you don’t remember our love. I fear that you will meet someone new and fall in love.
Do you know how it feels?
I know that distance is the main reason why you left me. But darling, you did not care enough about me. If you did, you would have stood by me. I loved you so much that I was willing to sacrifice my whole life for you, if you had just said the word.
That one year of me staying at home would pass, we would be together, and I would come back to you, to your place. We would be so happy together, if you just let me prove it to you. Maybe you just were afraid, as much as I am now, that I would meet someone new and forget about you. You should know that it won’t happen. Not now, not in this time until I lose all trace of you.
The truth is, you just didn’t trust me enough. If we’d had more time, I would have shown you, I assure you.
But, you didn’t allow me that. Now, I pray to dear God to save you from evil and protect you while I’m miles away from you. I hope that my love meant something to you and that you can still feel it deeply in your heart because I remember what you said: “I possess your heart.” Indeed, you are scored on my heart.
Darling, I just wanted to love you. Nothing else.