Right Person, Wrong Time: Why Does It Always Happen To Us?
Right person, wrong time. We often hear about supposed bad timing ruining something beautiful for us.
Are we just temporarily out of luck or is it written in the stars? Everyone believes in something different.
Essentially, the time is always right if the person is right, but the approach to this topic has a lot to do with your personal beliefs.
Do you believe in soulmates? If so, is it really possible that something like the wrong timing could keep you apart from them?
There is no right time when it comes to love and there are many reasons why a relationship doesn’t work out that we wrongly blame on bad timing.
Good (or bad) timing is important for many things and it is often put down to fate. According to many: timing is everything.
That’s another popular catchphrase that’s thrown around frequently and it’s not surprising considering how obsessed people are with time. Why?
When we look at the human perception of time it’s not unusual to find its concept to be a little bit of a mystery.
On the one hand, people try to save time and on the other hand, they try to speed everything up.
They are very dependent on it, while others argue its existence (and by others I mean scientists and maybe psychedelic enthusiasts).
Throughout life, we live with the pressure of doing everything at the ‘right’ time; education, marriage, jobs, deadlines, meetings, bills – just about everything needs to be done ‘in time’ for us to be seen as successful and feel at peace.
Moreover, being on time is related to making the right decisions.
We as human beings are obsessed with controlling everything about our lives and sometimes life just loves to laugh in our faces by confronting us with something we have no control over.
That’s what happens when you meet the right person at the wrong time. So frustrating and unnecessary, isn’t it?
Everything external can be seemingly perfect: you are content with everything you have, you feel attraction towards the other person, both of you have the same life goals and a great time together, but still, something is off.
Naturally, getting a new job, for example, and physically moving somewhere else may literally make things impossible to happen but more often than not, there’s something inside you (or them) that tells you you’re not supposed to engage in a new relationship.
You are not ready for another love story with an unknown ending. What’s that about?
The theme of time and bad timing is also related to the new phenomena of the so-called fear of missing out.
All the pressure of being the best, collecting all the information and staying in touch with everything has taken its toll on the human psyche.
The fear of missing out is the feeling of missing rewarding experiences while we’re absent. We’re in a constant state of anxiousness while essentially doing nothing.
We’re almost trained to think that we’re always missing something despite the fact that most of that something is just useless junk data.
This fear of missing out phenomenon has spread to our relationships and made us slaves to an imaginary loss.
What I want to say is – maybe they’re not the right one, maybe you’re afraid that they might be the right one and consequently have a fear of missing out.
It’s logical to assume that if they came at the wrong time, they’re not the right person. That’s because, if they were the right one, you wouldn’t care about anything else.
There are numerous ways you can recognize the right person. They will always fit into your life. The right person will make you feel like you can do anything with them.
With the right one, you will feel productive and you will be attracted to their mind, body, and spirit.
Your connection will feel effortless and natural. With them, you’ll feel safe and empowered and most importantly, you will still feel like yourself.
However, there are many potential reasons why you might feel like it’s not the right time to be with someone despite liking the person. Here are some of them:
You still need to work on yourself
One common reason why things don’t work out between two people is because one of them is aware of the fact that they need to better themselves in order to maintain a healthy relationship.
It’s a completely justified reason that shows not only awareness of oneself but respect for other people’s time, feelings, and energy.
In order to have a healthy relationship both parties need to be ready for commitment, and commitment requires insight and self-awareness.
What shows emotional maturity and readiness for life as a couple?
First of all, you should be comfortable being by yourself. Having a healthy relationship with yourself is a must before entering any other type of relationship.
What happens when someone isn’t able to spend time alone is that they become too dependent on their partner and start losing their own interests and goals.
Another thing that’s often seen as lethal for relationships is jealousy. Jealousy is hard but not impossible to get rid of.
I’m not talking about cute and harmless jokes with your significant other but true traumas people carry through life due to being treated badly before.
Working on yourself requires your full attention and becoming self-aware. Often, people are not content with themselves because of their unexplored passions and pursuit of the wrong things.
That might be the reason for their frustrations in life and love.
For example, maybe they have bad communication skills and are aware of that.
Some people think that a romantic relationship will help to improve their communication skills, while others think it’s best done through non-romantic relationships and that it is better to wait for improvement before starting a relationship.
That’s why it’s important to see ourselves objectively and think about our priorities. Rushing into a relationship and ignoring what we know to be true isn’t going to solve anything – it will make things worse.
If you know you’re going through a mentally and spiritually challenging time, maybe that means you’re not in the best dating period.
Your career is the most important to you right now
Maybe you’re not determined to let love take first place in your life; maybe you want to excel in your career first.
Depending on your ambition and career goals, it can be hard to have a fulfilling love life along with the career.
It’s no secret that learning how to develop a meaningful relationship takes some extended practice. Maybe you’re just not ready. If you’re trying to decide between the two, maybe that’s already a sign.
You’re not over your ex
It’s possible that you’re not ready for a relationship because you can’t let go of someone from your past.
There’s one person you still think about. If you find yourself reminiscing about the past with your ex and all the first times you had, the time might not be right indeed.
If you still get a rush when you see him or her, or end up (almost) texting them after a drunk night – you’re definitely not over your ex.
Break-ups are tough and we need to properly heal after them.
That means no fantasizing about what-ifs and stalking your ex on social media.
We need to let ourselves heal before attempting to go engage in a new relationship.
If you know you’re not fully healed, then you’re right – the time is wrong.
You have a fear of getting hurt
The dreaded case of emotional unavailability and inability of letting go of past trauma.
The fear of vulnerability is a real thing and it’s especially real in the 21st-century’s social norms.
Feelings are seen as a weakness, so everyone is hurting everyone else by depriving them of real feelings and in the end, everyone gets hurt.
That’s why the fear of getting hurt is understandable when it comes to new relationships.
To combat that fear we need to make ourselves vulnerable: we need to be honest about our feelings with ourselves and others and let ourselves feel everything we need to feel.
There’s no true love if there’s fear. Maybe in the past, you met the wrong person who hurt and betrayed you, but that doesn’t mean that the right person doesn’t exist.
You have to believe in yourself and your intuition. If your heart says you’re not ready, then you’re not ready.
You don’t feel like settling down
If thinking about a long term relationship scares you no matter how much you like the person, you’re probably not ready to settle down.
Maybe you want to experience things you can’t experience with a partner. Maybe you want to travel or find your dream job and you don’t want the pressure of a committed relationship.
If you feel like you need to do stuff and you don’t see yourself doing it with a significant other, then the time is wrong.
They are not the one
As I said before, maybe they’re just not the right one after all, despite looking like your celebrity high school crush and checking all the seemingly important boxes.
If you don’t agree on some big topics regarding relationships even though you’re fond of each other, maybe they are not your perfect person – if there’s such a thing anyway.
You’re about to move away
If the reason for bad timing is moving away from the place this person lives, then things are more (or less?) complicated.
Love can survive long-distance relationships if it’s real, but if you’re not confident it will last, it’s better to move on.
How to deal with the aftermath of the right person at the wrong time situation
This situation can stir up a variety of emotions. Humans have an interesting approach to dealing with something unfinished.
That’s exactly how this situation feels. It allows our minds to wander and think about what could have been, no matter the reality.
It makes us sentimental and sometimes we even feel regret about our decisions – despite knowing in the back of our heads that it probably wouldn’t have turned out well.
Sometimes these feelings arise from our struggle and being dissatisfied with the situation we currently find ourselves in, so don’t get carried away.
This shouldn’t make us regret our decisions as nobody knows what could’ve happened.
It’s important to remember that most of the time our mind picks the best memories to remember and suppresses the bad ones, so what looks ideal in your mind probably wasn’t in reality.
That doesn’t mean we should forget good memories, absolutely not. We should cherish them and learn from them as much as we can.
Every person is an opportunity to learn something about yourself and others.
At one point in time, they made your life more interesting and beautiful. You had new experiences and saw yourself through different eyes and that’s a wonderful thing.
The sooner we accept them as part of our past and something that’s not meant to be, the sooner we will find someone who is the right person.
The right person at the right time, as it should be.
You will know it because you will feel it. Every obstacle (inner and external) will be just a speck compared to the love you feel towards that person and your willingness to do anything for them.
It’s something that can’t be and shouldn’t be controlled. Why? Because control stems from the fear of letting go and that includes our idea of what is right for us.
Thinking we know what’s right for us is exactly what keeps us from experiencing it.
Often we’re unable to recognize love because of all the false ideas of love that we accept during our life – the main one being that love is something that we can possess, measure, and calculate. It’s not.
In fact, it’s different for everybody. Every man on this planet has a different life story that shapes his most intimate needs.
True love for everyone is the match to those needs but without the need for possession.
To finish this off, I must say that I don’t believe in giving relationship advice or telling people what to do but the right person, the wrong time theme has really got me thinking about the meaning of love.
Wherever you are in your life right now, never stop searching for love. Never stop seeing yourself as capable of love.
Never believe that others know better than you and never let others decide what’s best for you.
Drop useless beliefs, guilt, and what-ifs. Life is a tree with a million branches but every one of them reaches the sky.
Believe in yourself and follow your intuition and your heart. Your heart always knows the timing and the person.
Don’t think that one person can determine the rest of your life. There’s no such thing because you are the creator of your life.
No matter how close you are to someone, you’re still fully responsible for your life and no one else knows you better than you – and never will.
Don’t be afraid to take risks, don’t be afraid to be wrong. Life is too short and too weird to be controlled. Keep your mind and goals aligned with your heart and needs.
Everything you need as reassurance is already within you, the only thing you need is your own permission to connect to it.
“Right person, wrong timing doesn’t mean God was wrong. It means you were there at the right time to fulfill something else. Look for it.” — Shannon L. Alder