Relationship Advice: Why Even Good Men Cheat
Before I started doing family training, I worked as an escort for 5 years. It was a very profitable profession, and I met many wonderful clients, accompanying them all over the world.
But the job was emotionally draining and definitely not what I wanted to do with my life. But I did get a unique insider’s view of men and how they think, communicate, and rationalize their actions. I finally understood why a man loves his wife and still cheats on her.
This work allowed me to understand a lot about myself: why my husband left me, even though he loved me. I understood what I did wrong. I understood that the signs threatening my marriage appeared long before the end.
Now I apply all this in my work as a family psychologist, helping women understand men and be more prudent in their relationships.
And I want to say that in most cases his cheating has nothing to do with you, with your ability and desire to maintain the relationship. It has more to do with him and his personal complexes and inability to communicate openly.
Women often say that if she hadn’t let herself go physically, he wouldn’t have cheated. If she had just gotten back into shape, she would have become more attractive to him, and he wouldn’t have looked at other women.
I’m sorry, but this is ridiculous. It shifts all the blame and responsibility onto her and makes him look completely innocent. And if her only job in life is to be a hottie and work out 7 days a week, then no. He’s probably gained a few extra pounds too and has no right to comment on her looks. While her looks or his lack of sexual desire may be factors, it’s very rare that it’s the ONLY reason he cheated.
So why do they actually cheat then? If it’s not her but him, then what’s the problem? Here are 4 reasons or behaviors that explain why men continue to cheat instead of solving their relationship problems:
1. Men don’t know how to communicate in relationships.
He is an expert in many things, but when it comes to sorting out his feelings and clearly sharing them with you, it is difficult for him. If he wants more time together, sex or passion, he may try to talk to you about it, but quickly loses patience, closes up, and goes left.
2. Men cheat because of insecurity.
I have met many men who told me that they love their girlfriends/wives, that they have a great relationship, and that they have great sex. But they still cheat. So he is simply insecure in one way or another and is trying to prove to himself that he is “still in the saddle” by dating other women.
3. Men try to avoid conflicts in relationships.
This is an inability or unwillingness to communicate or to express one’s feelings. He is afraid to talk about it, afraid of misunderstanding, or simply does not want a scandal; therefore, he seeks compensation for what is missing in your relationship from another woman.
4. Men take the path of least resistance.
He doesn’t want to sort things out because he knows that he’ll have to come to terms with it anyway, and he’ll stay with you. So why start a fight? He decides to fix the problem in your relationship for himself by simply cheating.
Here’s the thing: A man wants to get everything he needs emotionally and sexually from you. He does. But when he’s missing something, he can’t say it, or he’s afraid to hurt your feelings. So you need to be more proactive in trying to get him to talk and understand him without getting offended or throwing a tantrum. If he feels like he can be open and honest with you about his feelings and desires, the likelihood of him cheating on you will be much lower.
