Your words might not be all lies and you might really think what you say. You might truly want to fulfill your promises, but sadly, I can’t trust you that easily. I’ve had my fair share of life lessons to be that naive again.
I was lied to, too many times before. My trust was broken my emotions stumbled upon. I gave the benefit of the doubt to too many wrong people.
I was always played and treated like a fool, even when I had the purest intentions. That’s why I don’t need your empty words, I need consistency.
I stopped believing in people’s words that easily. You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do. So whenever I hear a promise, I take it with a dose of doubt. I have to.
That’s how I guard my heart. That’s how I am keeping it safe from harm.
If people live up to their promises, I have something to be happy for. If not, at least I won’t get disappointed because I wasn’t looking forward to anything, to begin with.
I stopped trusting people so easily. You may be good, but you may be toxic as well. And I’m not ready to gamble with my heart anymore.
I don’t want to welcome people just because they seem good or nice. That was the old me and the old me was hurt so many times in the past.
Now that life has given me so many lessons, I’m way smarter. And therefore you’ll need to know that you’re trustworthy before I let you in.
Unfortunately, I was broken one too many times and I’m not as strong as I used to be.
Before, I had no problem patching myself back together, piece by piece and moving on. I can’t handle toxic people anymore. I am exhausted.
Because of everything I’ve been through I started doubting myself. I keep thinking that there must be something wrong, I must be doing something wrong that makes people treat me so badly. It must be me, right?
I refuse to allow another toxic person to get the best of me.
I am scared. I don’t want to relive my history. Even if you have nothing but good intentions, I can’t risk it.
I’m not sure this time I’d be able to get back up on my feet if you turned out to be like every other man before you.
It would be worse for me. I wouldn’t be able to convince myself that it wasn’t my fault, I couldn’t tell myself that it wasn’t me who makes people mean, I couldn’t convince myself that people are who they are and that it’s never really up to me.
It’s my task to take care of my self. If you’re worthy, you’ll prove it to me by being patient.
You will show me that I can trust you. You’ll be persistent and you won’t give up on me so easily. You’ll be there for me. I won’t need to risk my sanity because of you.
And if you truly are a good guy, you’ll try to understand. You’ll try to put yourself in my shoes and understand why I am the way I am.
You’ll figure out how this sensitive and kind-hearted girl turned into this closed and guarded one.
Ask me anything and I’ll tell you, but please don’t expect me to trust you, just because I have no reason not to. I’ve done that mistake countless times.
You’ll see doubt in my eyes.
It won’t be easy to shake that doubt off because I still have my past clinging to me. I still have all the memories of people who used me, lied to me and played me, somewhere in the back of my mind.
And even though you may not deserve it, all those suppressed fears come at me like waves reminding me not to trust you.
Do you think I wouldn’t love to be free of these scars that are making me lack faith in you? Do you think I am hard on you just because I feel like it?
Of course not. I just can’t help myself.
But give us a chance. let’s work on it together. It won’t be easy, I know that. But if you put enough effort into it if you prove to me you won’t mess with my feelings, I promise you, it will be so worth it.
Please, don’t turn out to be like everyone else.
Don’t be like those I had the chance to encounter in my life before you came along. Don’t just talk—show me. Prove to me you’re worthy of my love and my trust.
Show me I can lean on you and that I can count on you. Prove to me you’re not going anywhere and that you won’t leave me broken.
I need consistency, I need to see the pattern of your efforts, of your love, of your kindness and your caring. You can convince me to trust you, but not by words, never again with words.
Don’t tell me you’re different, show me.