Everyone has at least one embarrassing crush story from their childhood. Whether it was a tale of striking up a conversation and striking out or a cute love story to accompany their first romance, everyone has been there.
As adults, these awkward stories become less and less because—simply put—even adults are just so unsure of how to put themselves out there. Growing up with dating articles that encouraged everyone to “play hard to get” and movies that encouraged the “bend and snap!” (Legally Blonde will always be a favorite), it’s hard to tell what still works as an adult. That’s why when the 20s and 30s roll around, it’s important to reevaluate and see if there are any methods that should be tossed from grown folks’ lists.
Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty. Everyone wants to impress that one person who makes their hearts sing (or beat rapidly to the point of panic… in a good way). There are a limitless number of ways to get someone’s attention but the thing to ask is this: does it actually work or are they just holding true to bygone ideologies?
It’s time to put the past in the past and decide what really holds water and what doesn’t. That means shoving the “bend and snap” aside (sorry, Reese) and making room for confidence, intelligent conversation, social media, and maybe just a few old-school grabs.
20Confidence Truly Is The Key
No one ever got anywhere by constantly being down on themselves and feeling as though they’re not worthy. If 2018 has taught us anything, it’s that everyone should be confident in themselves because we all bring something amazing to the table.
Looks no longer matter—as long as you’re clean and maybe smell good, you’re ready to rock and roll.
What matters from that point on is confidence. The ability to carry oneself highly, truly believe that they deserve attention, and feel good about themselves is all that matters. No matter the skill level for casual convo or flirtation, confidence in yourself with automatically bridge the gaps.
19First Impressions Are Everything
The old standby is true: first impressions are everything. Unlike the days when men would court women and have them home by 7 PM so they could be in bed by 8 PM, women are now empowered and equal. Therefore, it’s not necessary to look flawless or put on a persona as though they’re Queen Elizabeth. In fact, that’s more harmful than proper in today’s day and age of brutal honesty and individuality. First impressions are important, though, as far as conveying how one respects themselves as well as others. When meeting someone for the first time, it’s a good idea to be cordial but also be yourself. Respect yourself enough to be yourself.
18Be Aware Of Good Attributes And Use Them
It never hurts to shake what your mama gave you… Just kidding, don’t do that. It is perfectly acceptable, however, to play up those gorgeous brown eyes with some glimmery eyeshadow. It’s totally fine to wear form-fitting clothing as long as you can respect yourself in it.
It’s also okay to know where your strong suits are, physically and mentally, and use them to your advantage.
Getting someone’s attention should be just as fun as it is rewarding and shouldn’t be nerve-wracking to the point of nausea. Are you witty? Tell some anectdotes. Soulful and compassionate? Ask questions and be intrigued.
17Playing A Little Hard To Get Is Okay
Ah, rules of the mating game. This is one throwback that many disagree on but, in reality, there’s nothing wrong with being a little out of reach. That doesn’t mean becoming so unrealistic of an idea to someone that they think you’re uninterested. It’s totally fine to not respond to a text immediately or be the first to comment or like something on social media. When all these things are so easy and accessible, we often forget what it’s like to not do them. There’s no crime in not being at someone’s every beck and call via social advances and will certainly add to the appreciation when you finally do show up.
16Don’t Be Afraid Of Social Media
Flaunt it! New haircut? Post it. Feeling confident in a new outfit? Share the fashion love. There’s nothing wrong with the confidence game and while some are afraid of what other people might think, don’t be.
If the one you’re crushing on is really into you, they’ll be ecstatic to see any trace of you on social media.
This is also great because it shows that you have a life too and aren’t just waiting for attention. Don’t be afraid to limit posts all of a sudden because of what someone else might think… If they’re not about that happy life, then maybe it’s a good thing if they drop out of yours.
15Ask For Help Even If You Don’t Really Need It
A cute thing to do is to request assistance, even if you’re not necessarily a damsel in distress. This could be anything from a project to advice and it not only serves as an ice breaker but will help the two of you get to know each other while sharing a common topic. It never hurts to ask an opinion or something of the like in order to get someone talking. This only leads to more open doors and potential questions which will eventually bloom into a full-on friendship. The simplest thing one can do to get to know another person is to pose a question but so few of us know how to do it.
14Feeling Good Translates To Looking Good
There’s no need to look like you’ve just strolled out of Victoria’s Secret magazine in order to catch the attention of someone. The key to looking good on the outside is feeling good on the inside.
It sounds cliche but it’s true; looking good begins will an inside glow that’s often contagious.
Feeling confident in yourself does produce a radiance that others pick up on. Is it a new highlighter? Nope. High-end mascara? Nope. New top? Nope! It’s just boosted confidence from feeling as though you can conquer the world. This type of attitude exudes positivity and trust us, it’s easily passed around.
13Social Skills Come In Pretty Handy
It’s not necessary to be a world-class small-talker but it can be useful to have some questions ready in the back of your mind. Asking simple things, such as how long they’ve lived in a certain place, can really propel the question forward. Try to commit to topics that can be built off of and require more than a one-sentence response. Sticking to things such as family, work, college days, and where they’ve lived in the past are usually great conversation-starters. These also allow them to return the question, thus starting a conversation! Congratulations, you are now social.
12Know When To Flirt And When To Be Humorous
A balance definitely exists when it comes to being flirtatious and knowing when to be silly. Too much silliness and humor come across as immature while too much flirtation comes across as, well… Creepy and uncomfortable.
This is where it’s important to pay attention to a crush’s body language as well as actual language.
Subtle flirting—hand on the arm, natural laugh, friendly compliments—can progress things naturally. Humor also comes in clutch, though, when it comes to building trust and allowing someone to feel comfortable with you. Whether it’s sarcasm, wit, or a genuinely funny joke or story, use it to your advantage.
11They Don’t Always Need To Make the First Move
Don’t be afraid to take the first step! To clarify, this should only happen when both people involved are completely vibing off each other. This will be obvious in the atmosphere, their eye contact, and how things have progressed up to this point. If they’ve gone out of their way to call, text, see how you are, and made moves to see you in person, chances are that you’re on the right track. If flirting is mutual and the two of you are slightly closer than friends, then perhaps it’s time to make the first move. More about this later, but trust your instincts while keeping in mind how to respect theirs.
10Seek Out Common Ground First
This is super achievable when it comes to the question-asking that was mentioned prior. As soon as something comes up where you can go, “yes, I can relate!” then jump on it!
Use that as an “in” when it comes to showing the other person that you do have things in common.
If you both have a younger sister, that’s the perfect chance to say, “didn’t it always want to make you lock your door, too?” Something this simple, with a natural laugh to follow, can be the key to a smooth, naturally-flowing conversation. Being able to relate over mutual experiences is what brings us all together in the first place.
9Infamous Texting: Know Limits And When To Go For It
It can be incredibly easy to over-text someone. In today’s day and age, the most dreaded thing for those with a crush is the infamous “read” notification on a text. Some people, such as myself, have bad habits when it comes to texting. It’s so easy to read a text, respond in your head, and then become easily distracted. Additionally, human curiosity makes it easy for us to read a text while busy with every intention of responding to it later one. Texting isn’t as much of a novelty as it was a decade ago and has become commonplace, therefore it’s not as urgent to reply to casual texts. Follow up hours later with a “just checking in, I know you’re busy!” and leave it alone.
8Be Mature, Inducing Jealousy Isn’t Cute
It’s probably best to avoid being this person altogether. Human nature makes it easy for us to become paranoid and jealous of others, which in turn encourages us to try and induce jealousy.
This is a vicious circle that will destroy any kind of relationship before it even begins and should really be avoided.
Trust us, we know how easy it can be to snap a photo with someone else or make a status discussing how single and ready-to-mingle you are. The harsh reality is that these are mistakes that not only shed someone in poor light but contribute to the level of immaturity one can be capable of. It’s not attractive and is quite a negative quality.
7High Energy Is Helpful
It’s easier than most would think to bring a casual hangout or almost-date to a screeching halt with nothing but low energy. Low energy can come across as many things, only one of which might be perceived as being “tired.” It’s easy for someone to interpret this as being bored, uninterested, or annoyed. If there’s little to no energy coming from one side, then that energy will only be greeted with anxious and nervous energy. It goes without saying, but if you’re excited to hang out with someone you’re crushing on, then you should probably be pretty upbeat. Making sure to smile is a small thing that goes quite a long way.
6A Slight Arm Touch Or Shoulder Tap Goes A Long Way
This is all part of being able to interpret another person’s energy. Many people are just super affectionate and that’s fairly obvious from the get-go. However, if you’re not one of those people, make sure to read the relationship correctly first before going ahead with the hand-on-the-shoulder deal.
If all flirtations are going correctly and things are heating up in the emotion department, a subtle hand on the shoulder or arm and a laugh is a pretty good green light to allude how you’re feeling.
The same goes for the tap on the shoulder, hugs when you see each other, hand-on-the-hand during emotional talks, etc. If nothing else, it’s the sign of an attentive friend… Just don’t be pushy or awkward.
5Know Their Circle Of Friends And Be Friendly
Here we go with the idea of being friendly and social! You’ll notice that things will go much smoother if you’re friendly to everyone, their friends included. Many times, meeting someone will actually involve meeting those around them. Being able to sit and chat with their closest friends can do so much in the friend and potential future-relationship department. It shows that you not only care but that you are truly making an effort to be part of and in their lives. This could absolutely get creepy in a YOU-type of way, but it’s pretty easy to recognize boundaries and stay within them.
4Bring Up Social Media Posts In Real Life For Conversation Starters
This is something that could also go south if it comes off as borderline obsessive, but it’s effective. For example, let’s say your crush posts something about passing a test or getting promoted at work.
These types of things are major conversation starters and are essentially gold in the friend department.
Being a good friend, which is what everyone should strive to start out as it means paying attention. However, mentioning something like “oh, I saw you liked a photo of so-and-so and commented this” can be really, really creepy and weird. There’s a difference between bringing up mental notes and just simply keeping some of them to yourself.
3Flaunt Talents, Skills, Interests, And Accomplishments!
It’s okay to show that you have a life, too. Sharing big moments on social media is something that many people have negative feelings toward but, realistically, that’s why social media was created. It’s a way to share news to many people at once and if used correctly can do a really great job of it. This also doubles as a way to allow people to get to know someone and actually learn about them, without so much awkward small-talk in order to get to that point. Sharing positive accomplishments and life events on social media should be fun, greeted with positivity, and will only allow those following you to get a feel for your life.
2Eye Contact, Awareness Of Ourselves, And Natural Movements Are Game-Changers
Something to be avoided when striking up a conversation is being nervous. Once one has moved past their nerves, the real fun can begin. This applies to everyone, whether introducing yourself to someone at a pub, concert, or any other social event.
Always remember to make eye contact; usually, avoiding eye contact is the first sign that someone is nervous and uncertain.
It’s incredibly tough to do so don’t be too hard on yourself if you do look away several times. Be aware of yourself and your movements because many times we don’t realize how unconfidently we carry ourselves. A simple check in the mirror can tell us if we tend to hold our heads high or low and how our posture looks… All things that change your outside persona.
1Don’t Appear Busy Just To Exude Popularity, It’s Intimidating
This is something that definitely throws a damper on the whole “getting to know you” situation. Both men and women can become easily intimidated when they’re lead to believe the person they’re crushing on is superior to them. The reality is that no one is superior to anyone else and we should never act like it. Being down to earth, compassionate, and simply just kind can really transform our lives. By extent, it can open doors for others who would otherwise be too nervous to walk through them. By making ourselves approachable, we can witness a positive chain of events rather than inevitable isolation or bad company.