You put me through an unimaginable amount of pain.
I gave myself completely to you and you always took me for granted. Yes, you were always telling me you loved me but I didn’t see that love and I certainly didn’t feel it.
You knew that I was insecure about your love and about our relationship but instead of doing something about it and instead of doing something to prove your love for me, you did the complete opposite. You played mind games with me and did everything in your power to drive me crazy.
In the beginning, I really thought you loved me.
Actually, I wanted so hard for it to be true that I convinced myself that you did love me but that you didn’t know how to show it properly. I convinced myself that you were a closed person who had trouble showing his emotions. And I accepted you like that.
I never asked for any romantic gestures—I just wanted to feel loved and needed. I wanted to know I could count on you, I wanted for you to see the two of us as a team, the way I saw us. I wanted to be as important to you as you were to me.
But you only played with me. It took me a long time but I finally saw that you never actually loved me and that I was only good for your ego.
You enjoyed having someone who would always pick up the phone when you called and someone who would always drop everything to run to you when you needed her. It took me ages but I finally realized that I would always be a second option for you.
I realized that you never completely cared about me and that I didn’t mean much to you. I realized that what we’d had was obviously only special to me.
And finally, I’ve plucked up the courage to leave you. I decided it’s about time to end this charade and to walk away.
Now, after everything you’ve put me through, you have the nerve to blame me for walking away.
After all these painful years, you have the nerve to try and make me feel guilty for leaving you. Now you are telling me that you need me and that you can’t imagine your life without me.
You never stopped to wonder what it was that made me leave you. Now you are trying to convince me that I am being selfish for leaving you behind but you never thought of all the pain you put me through.
You never asked me how I was all those times you insulted me, all those times when I had to fight to get the crumbs of your attention and love, all those times you looked at other girls…
You never thought about my feelings all those nights I cried myself to sleep, all those times you left me waiting for you because you had more important things to take care of.
You never thought about my feelings while I spent years feeling unloved and unwanted. And now you want me to think about your feelings and to feel guilty for finally walking away from someone who never deserved me, someone, who never did anything to keep me by his side?
I could swear I warned you a thousand times that you would kill all the love I had for you. You tried very hard to do so and although it was hard, you finally did it.
Wasn’t me walking away something you’d always wanted?
You sure acted like it was.
Nevertheless, the point is that you can’t blame me for leaving if you didn’t do anything to keep me.
You hate me for walking away but actually, you ought to hate yourself for letting me go, for never doing anything to keep me around and for never doing anything to stop me from leaving you.
Instead of hating and blaming me, man up and take some responsibility for once in your life. I know it’s easier to project the hatred you feel for yourself on me but deep down, you know everything that has happened is your fault.
Deep down, you know that you’ve lost the only person who loved you and who was ready to move a mountain for your sake. You are very well aware of this fact, no matter how fast you try to run away from it.
So, don’t be angry at me because I am walking away. Be angry at yourself because you didn’t know how to keep me.
It’s too late to change things now when you’ve managed to ruin me and everything we had.
Remember, I didn’t walk away, you pushed me away. And you are the only one who has to live with it.
