On Overcoming Emotional Distance
Are you starting to feel an emotional distance from your wife?
Have you noticed her slowly but surely slipping away and your emotional connection withering away?
Is uttering the words ”my wife” becoming more and more painful as she is forming emotional detachment from you?
Emotional intimacy is the crucial factor in maintaining a healthy, happy stable relationship.
Two partners must be interconnected on an emotional level to put down each other’s emotional walls and do some growing up together toward a long term relationship.
If you have started getting the silent treatment from your distant wife and if her unavailability is starting to gravely affect the sanctity of your marital union, one of the first things you should consider is couples therapy.
It is known to help couples who are struggling with emotional detachment and who are on the verge of a break-up.
Especially if there are young children involved.
You should deal with the real issue that is plaguing your relationship and help your wife not to become one of those unavailable women you’ve seen on TV and dreaded facing in real life.
If your wife is showing signs of low self-esteem and her well-being is seriously affected by her sudden emotional detachment, she may be going through a silent battle and her defensiveness is the result of her inner demons.
Here the most common signs of an emotionally distant wife that you should keep in mind if you want to save your marriage and get your unavailable partner back!
1. She avoids deep, meaningful conversations
An emotionally distant wife dreads having to have deep conversations, especially if it’s about her issues.
She becomes aloof, distant and avoids answering questions with regards to herself.
To your efforts, she responds with defensiveness and stonewalling and she starts to spend more alone time than normal.
She is vague, uninterested and in her mind – miles and miles away.
2. She easily explodes
Due to her newfound habit of keeping things to herself, she explodes at the first chance she is faced with something that’s not to her satisfaction.
She blows things way out of proportion and treats her loved ones harsh and with lots of critiques.
The emotional distance is almost palpable and the woman you married is nowhere to be found.
Her personality has drastically changed for the worse, and you fear she will want to break up if everything isn’t the way she wants it.
3. She’s become way too controlling
She used to be very laid back. She never had a problem with letting things just happen and going with the flow.
But recently, she’s become extremely controlling. She obsesses over the littles things and has to control everything.
When things aren’t going exactly according to plan, she’s agitated and anxious.
She doesn’t like feeling helpless and it only adds to the ever-present emotional distance that has become the core of your marriage.
4. She lacks empathy
She seems unaware of how badly her actions are affecting her loved ones.
She doesn’t seem to care how she treats you and there is always something bothering her even though she’ll never tell you the real issue.
She puts up her emotional walls and engages in silent treatment because she doesn’t want to face her suppressed issues.
She takes it out on you and those close to her. She wasn’t like this before and it’s clear that there is something causing your wife’s sudden distance and coldness of heart.
5. Signs of low self-esteem
Her confidence is at an all-time low. The pressure at work, expectations from her family, young children needing care and attention – it all combines for a stressful environment and suddenly, she doesn’t feel capable of handling it anymore.
She is harsh on her self and feels extremely ill-prepared to deal with anything she used to do with ease.
She’s starting to feel like a failure and this is one of the many factors causing her downward spiral and deteriorating her will to function like she used to. She is but a shell of her former self.
6. She doesn’t care enough to fight
It’s psychologically proven that indifference is one of the most deadly sins in any marriage.
Fighting is necessary because it shows that you both care enough to work on your issues.
But she’s become too distant and uninterested to fight. Her walls are high and she no longer lets you see a glimpse of her.
She either wants everything her way or she lets you have it your way. But one thing is clear – she doesn’t have it in her to fight with you.
Her spirit is gone and her emotional detachment has taken the front seat.
7. You are no longer her priority
What used to be a loving union is now an obstacle in her way. You used to be at the top of her priority list but now it’s like she forgets that she’s married at times.
She’s become an unavailable partner who lives inside her sad, cold bubble and is unwilling to form any emotional attachments.
She no longer nurtures your relationship nor does he care enough to pretend like she does.
Everything is now a hassle to her and she’s never been farther away from your reach.
She’s slipping deeper and deeper into her sinkhole and you don’t know how to pull her back to safety.
Why Did She Become This Way?
1. She’s in dire need of some alone time.
After a few years of marriage and especially if there are young children involved, one or both partners start feeling the need for some alone time.
A family is a lot of work and while it’s beautiful and exciting, it still takes away your time to take care of yourself.
And your wife is starting to feel it now more than ever and it’s manifesting in her emotional unavailability.
You could try giving her some quality time for herself and let her mend her broken pieces.
If time is all she needs, be patient and understand the constant pressure that’s on her. Bit by bit, she’ll start swimming back to safety (you).
2. She’s too stressed to function.
Has your wife been having a stressful week at work? Have you noticed her coming home way more exhausted, nervous or anxious than usual?
Perhaps her workload has become overwhelmingly burdensome and it’s causing her to pull away from you in this worrisome manner.
Ask her about her day and mean it. Listen and let her vent. Let her see that she’s got a rock in you.
No judgment, no pressure, no talking back. Just an emotionally invested partner wanting to help his wife dig her way out of her hole, for the sake of her well-being and the happiness of your little family.
3. She no longer feels loved.
You know what they say. A happy wife equals a happy life! But once that wife starts feeling a lack of love, her entire being starts slowly falling apart.
She needs to feel loved and cared for. She needs to feel safe and protected. Have you been the rock your wife needs in her times of need?
Have you helped her build her self-esteem once you started noticing the emotional distance?
An emotional connection is something that needs to be felt, it’s not enough to say you love her.
Don’t become a distant husband once you feel her slipping away. Be her safe harbor and don’t let her emotional detachment be the end of you.
Once she sees and FEELS the love, she’ll start regaining her old self.
4. She’s emotionally drained.
Maintaining a happy family life, being productive and efficient at work and having a social life is hard work.
It often takes a toll on a person in the form of hidden depression and emotional disconnection.
And the best coping mechanism for most individuals is putting up emotional walls as a way to shield oneself from any impending danger.
The emotional disconnect has exhausted the last atom of her energy.
Help her by picking up the slack and restore your emotional intimacy by easing up her workload. Let her recharge her soul and find her zest for life again.