Looking for funny Tinder bios? Look no more but prepare yourself to swipe right!
Online dating has become the most popular way of meeting new people and at the same time, it’s one of the biggest sources of pure fun! And one of those ultra-fun dating apps is Tinder!
If you’re already using it, you probably know how things function there but if you’re on this dating site for the first time, here’s a short intro:
You swipe left if you want to reject a certain person or you swipe right if you want to show an interest in matching. (Don’t worry, you do this anonymously.)
And if the same person also swipes right on you, then you’re a match and you can start chatting!
Click Here To Discover What Men Secretly Want, But Could Never Tell You.
To those of you who are already familiar with how Tinder functions, I apologize for this small digression.
So, we could say that Tinder profiles work on the principle of catching people’s attention with either your profile picture, a small bio or common interests.
They say that a picture is worth a thousand words but a funny Tinder bio is worth even more!
In a sea of Tinder dating profiles, those with a sense of humor are always priceless and swiping right on them without too much thinking comes naturally to us.
In case you’re wondering why, just imagine the most boring bio in the world, something like this: Hello, I’m Samantha/Robert and in my free time, I enjoy long walks and cooking.
Now imagine how it would be to hang out or go on a first date with someone like this.
You instantly get the impression that the person is not really amusing and according to their boring bio, you put them into a category called boring people.
These types of bios can be a huge turn-off to some potential matches, so you definitely want to avoid them.
You want a potential match to laugh their ass off immediately after seeing your funny Tinder bio because that classifies you as a funny, relaxed and not-taking-myself-too-seriously person.
And who wouldn’t want to swipe right and date someone like that?
It’s in our nature to be drawn to people who can give us a good laugh, either with a hilarious pic or a funny bio because laughing means enjoyment and laughing is what makes online dating great!
So, yeah, we should keep that one in mind. After all, it’s not a coincidence that Tinder users with hilarious Tinder profiles are the ones TRENDING!
Their ‘About Me’ sections are funny, witty and most importantly, they are great conversation starters.
One thing is for sure, the following funny Tinder profiles will make you die laughing! And you will either want to swipe right on them or steal them (or you can do both).
FUNNY TINDER BIOS
These funny bio examples will not only make you laugh but they will also be great inspiration for coming up with your own bio ideas!
To make it easier for you to navigate through all these funniest Tinder bios, I split them into the following sections:
- Funny Tinder Bios For Girls
- Funny Tinder Bios For Guys
- Funny Tinder Bios For Both Guys And Girls
(So, let’s get the party started!)
Funny Tinder Bios For Girls
1. “I’m grown but not grown, grown. Which means I know how to ride a d*ck but I’m still not sure how taxes work.”
2. “Spitters are quitters.”
3. “Let’s have a who’s better in bed contest. I’m hoping to be a sore loser.”
4. “Today I learned the average person has eight different sexual partners in their lifetime. Today I also learned I am a whore.”
5. “Literally just want a shag, why else would I have Tinder and my first picture be me in a bikini.”
6. “I’ve got fake tits and a fake personality. But who cares because let’s be honest, you’re gonna swipe right cos I’m fit.”
7. “My superpower is that I don’t have a gag reflex. At first, when people found out they called me a freak, now they just call me, all the time.”
8. “Threesome? No thanks… If I wanted to disappoint two people in the same room, I’d have dinner with my parents.”
9. “Don’t ask me to ‘send some pics’. Take me out on a date, buy me some food and try to get me naked at the end like a f*cking gentleman.”
10. “500 characters isn’t really enough to demonstrate my wit and intelligence so just look at my banging cleavage for now.”
11. “Gonna get tattoos of dogs on my arms and then get really buff so when I am a fly cutie I can be like, ‘Excuse me but do you know where a vet is because I’ve got some SICK PUPPIES?’ and then I’ll flex so hard my shirt sleeves rip and they’ll blown away by my arms, my devotion to dogs and my sense of humor.”
12. “If you want a whore, give me $2; if you want a queen, you’ve come to the wrong place.”
13. “Carefully written, fact-checked essay in the streets, unmoderated comments section in the sheets.”
Click Here To Discover What Men Secretly Want, But Could Never Tell You.
14. “I’m just going to answer the question for you: yes, they are real.”
15. “Your parents will love me but your neighbors won’t.”
16. “Have ‘W’ tattooed on both ass cheeks so when I bend over naked, people say wow.”
17. “Carolina V 2.0 Tinder Edition updates:
– minor bug fixes
– improved selection algorithm
– new pictures (bikini pic added)
– performance enhancements: summer tan
– multilingual support.”
18. “I’m all of like two feet tall. Hope you like sarcasm and being insulted. If you’re wondering why I’m so funny, it’s because I used to be fat.”
19. “I’m here to take exams and suck di*k. And I’ve already failed all my exams sooooo.”
20. “You can use me to get to my mom.”
21. “Let’s be honest; I’m on Tinder and my first picture is of me in a bikini. I’m not looking for a relationship or a friend.”
22. “I’m on Tinder to make friends the same way I’m on Pornhub to see the plumber repair the sink.”
23. “I’m counting on your standards being lower than mine.
A simple synopsis of myself:
– Daddy issues
– Rapidly declining self-esteem
– Overly possessive and jealous
– Drama queen
– Gold-digger.”
24. “I’ll have your friends hating me while I control every aspect of your life. What are you waiting for?”
25. “If you can eat more McDonald’s cheeseburgers than me then I’ll suck your d*ck.”
26. “Half-Filipino, Half-German, Physics major. I like laughing, dogs, lots of food, beer, outdoor activities and adventures. My fairy tale prince is somebody who is tall, nice and is willing to be roofied and anally penetrated by the second date. I can be a handful, topped with sarcasm and sprinkles of bullshit.”
27. “I have no emotional attachment to sex.”
28. “2nd year psychology student, so I’ll get in your head before giving you head. Love partying and outdoorsy stuff. Gymnast, so I’m flexible (draw your own conclusions).”
29. “Reasons to swipe right and wife me…
1. I have no gag reflex
2. Provide sexual pleasure whenever requested
3. I love cleaning
4. I can cook meals fit for your dietary needs
5. Don’t ask questions unless ‘Are you hungry?’ or, ‘Can I sit on it?’
6. When you’re out with mates, I won’t call or text unless it’s dirty selfies or dinner requests
7. I’ll wake you up by performing oral sex
8. My no. 1 priority is your happiness and well-being
9. Only speak when spoken to
10. I swallow
Swipe right.”
30. “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then leave because I don’t have a best. I’m always awful.”
31. “Just your typical docile, subservient oriental girl wanting to help quell a white boy’s yellow fever.”
32. “I know men only think with their penises but I’m not afraid to blow your mind.”
33. “Our relationship should be like a Nintendo 64–classic, fun to spend hours with and every issue easily fixed by blowing on it then shoving it back in.”
34. “If you like protein shakes and getting caught at the gym, if you’re not into CrossFit, if you have half a brain, if you like making gains at midnight, while curling in the squat rack, I’m the love that you’ve looked for, message me and be swole m8.”
35. “It’s Tinder, let’s be real, you just want my tits.”
36. “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for a relationship. I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have is a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long sexual career. Skills that make me a dream for people like you. If you swipe left now that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you swipe right, I will match with you, I will flirt with you and I will f**k you.”
37. “I hunt, fish, critique porn and thoroughly enjoy getting stoned in the woods with Mary Jane and Jack. I can nail an arrow in the back of your skull at over 100 yards. I can cook like Martha and swallow like Kim K. Swipe right.”
38. “Let’s recreate The Human Centipede and sew your mouth to my butthole. PS: all I eat is mozzarella sticks, Doritos and di*k.”
39. “I’m not the type of girl you have to hold in farts for but rather the type of girl you want to hold in farts for.”
40. “Don’t judge me on my age. I just want a guy to buy me flowers, send me a million cute texts and call me mine. I’ll make you food so wife me up.”
41. “I’ve learned that men have two emotions: hungry and horny… If I see you without an erection, I’ll make you a sandwich.”
42. “Looking for a guy who will pick me over beer.”
43. “I just want some 80’s movie romance. That’s it. I swear I’m not that hard to please. Just be John Cusack outside my window with a boombox.”
44. “Gag reflex as absent as my father figure.”
45. “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him if he’s going to eat the rest of that pizza.”
46. “Kinda girl you would take home to your mom but would blow you on the way there.”
47. “If you’re good, I’ll send nudes.”
48. “Current relationship status: Made dinner for two. Ate both.”
49. “My nickname is Gillette because I’m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you.”
50. “I’ll make you dessert; if you don’t like it, there is always me.”
51. “The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I’m singing Fergalicious and it’s at the part where she says, ‘I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness, he’s my witness,’ I can point to him and he’ll do the little, ‘wooOOH’ part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it’s stressful because right after the wooOOH part I have to get right back into rapping and the transition is harder than you think.”
52. “Tessticles (haha that’s Tinder gold!). Mirror selfies, rig shots and roid monkeys need not apply.”
53. “I can’t afford a vibrator, so here we are.”
54. “Horseback rider. Dog owner. Photographer. Aspiring gym rat. If your dog is cute, I’ll probably look through your photos twice and I’ll still kiss you after you give me a rim job and I do a lot of yoga.”
55. “I’d like to cover you in peanut butter and see how much I could lick off before my peanut butter allergy killed me.”
56. “I just wanna make out, cuddle in baggy clothes while watching movies and I dunno, maybe put my hand down your pants… It’s whatever…”
57. “A kiss makes my whole day but anal makes my hole weak.”
58. “On our first date, I will carve our initials into a tree. It’s the most romantic way of letting you know I have a knife.”
59. “Hi, I’m here for a boring time. I’m looking for a long-term relationship, probably involving a lot of hard work and hardly any sex. I’m emotional, stubborn and always right. I like to pick the movies and if you don’t let me, I’ll tell everyone you beat me.”
60. “There’s red wine girls and white wine girls. Say hi to the whiskey girl.”
Click Here To Discover What Men Secretly Want, But Could Never Tell You.
Funny Tinder Bios For Guys
61. “I work for the government so you know I’ll f**k you hard.”
62. “My perfect date? I pick you up at 8 for half-priced apps at the Bees. We get there to find out half-price doesn’t start until 9. You offer to wait but I say it’s fine. We get our food. I say you look pretty. ‘What?’ I say I’m kinda chilly. You agree. I offer to go to the movies but you are tired/have to do laundry. I take you home and awkwardly hug you in your driveway. I go home and Tweet about finding true love. I get two favorites and a reply calling me a ‘fagit’. The perfect date.”
63. “Things you need to know about me. First off, if we go out, you’re paying. Not just for me but for my wife if she shows up. And she’s a drinker. Sex isn’t guaranteed after that. If I’m interested, I’ll place my underpants on the table. Fold them in three and place them in your handbag. Return them washed and we will consummate passionately. I dislike women who aren’t shallow. A plus if you wear my mom’s perfume and fit perfectly in the void she left. I’m 6ft&4inches. Those are 2 measurements.”
64. “Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence. Because if she doesn’t have that, she’s mine.”
65. “I keep 300 heifers satisfied every day, looking to make that 301.”
66. “Medium-small penis. Extra-large personality.”
67. “I’m the puppy. You can also find me on Sniffr (it’s like Tinder but for dogs).”
68. “English
Terrible comedian
6ft – perfect big spoon
Uncle
Good cook
Animal Lover
Winner of a beauty contest in Monopoly
Owner of car
Good whistler
Gym goer
Spider killer
Disney World regular
Best hair where I work
Two dogs in a human costume
5 Stars: ‘A perfect gentleman’ – Anonymous Tinder woman
5 Stars: ‘Made 50 Shades of Grey seem as tame as the Teletubbies’ – Anonymous Tinder woman
1 Star: ‘Stop asking me for a review you weirdo’ – Anonymous Tinder woman
5 Stars: ‘So sweet’ – Mark’s mum.”
69. “Sooo you’re looking for ‘the one’ huh? You’ll find him… but you’ll be so sexually starved when you do that you’ll fu*k him on the first date, he will lose interest, the sweet texts will stop and you’ll be all alone with your pizza rolls swiping left and right again while he dates someone who’s challenging enough to keep his interest for longer than a weekend.”
We can break that cycle – together.
I will save you. I will fu*k you so you don’t fu*k it up with Mr. Right. Swipe right for a hero!”
70. “I have an AMD graphics card, so you can say I’m used to things getting hot quickly. I’ll definitely get you to POST.”
71. “I’m not good at taking off bras so don’t worry, I won’t ask you for casual sex.”
72. “Two things I don’t fuck with: rattlesnakes and condoms.”
73. “You could be my future ex-wife.”
74. “I’ll treat you like a Disney princess on the streets and a porn princess between the sheets.”
75. “To the girls over 30: I’m an anaesthesiologist looking to start a family. To the girls under 30: I’m hung and breed Labrador pups.”
76. “I asked my yoga teacher if she could teach me to do the splits, she said, ‘How flexible are you?’ I said, ‘I can’t do Tuesdays.”
77. “Recently broke up with my girlfriend because she didn’t like how I take my coffee. I like my coffee the same way I like my women. Without other people’s di*k in it.”
78. “I’m looking for a girl who is super mean. She also has to be really clingy and jealous. I prefer women who talk a lot about their ex and a love for da bootyliciousness. In my free time, I like to take off my shirt and take selfies. I’m super in shape thanks to my strict diet of Mountain Dew and Twizzlers. We’re a Twizzler family, Red Vines have no place in my home. I work nights fighting crime. I’m not saying I’m Batman but I am saying no one has seen the Riddler in Austin, Texas.”
79. “Hello Ladies,
Look at the last guy you matched, now back to me, now back to the last guy you matched, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me but if he stopped leaving his bio blank and had better pictures, he could be like me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on Tinder with the man of your dreams. What’s in your hand, back to me. I have it. It’s a pizza with your favorite toppings on it. Look again, the pizza is now your favorite dog. Anything’s possible when you match me on Tinder.”
80. “Have you ever said, ‘F**k the police,’? Well now’s your chance.”
81. “73% gentleman. 27% rogue.”
82. “I am a rocket scientist. I’ve appeared on the cover of GQ – twice. And after mastering Italian, I became an international super spy. Right now, I’m yachting my way across the Caribbean, stealing top-secret information, and sipping Mai Tais… shaken, not stirred. Okay, fine. I exaggerated *just* a smidge. But I do like a good Mai Tai and I got a B+ in my 5th grade science class. Message me for more straight talk and I’ll send you FB links, photos of science fair trophies and much MUCH more…”
83. “Taller than you in heels. Love positive people, quirks, good wine, Italian food, tense movies, live music, decadence. Open to most things but let’s start with a casual date.”
84. “Pizza is my second favorite thing to eat in bed.”
85. “I’m actually looking for the one girl who dislikes to laugh and hates good music. Bonus points if you dislike the outdoors. If I ever find myself face to face with a Tinder then I’m likely in trouble so drop the camera and GET HELP! I’m 6’1 so please be taller than me in heels.”
86. “Everyone deserves a chance, so do I.”
87. “If our conversations don’t bang, neither will our genitals.”
88. “Don’t know why Tinder thinks I’m 18. I’m actually 30.”
89. “Netflix and chill? More like intense intellectual conversation and then rough sex.”
90. “One like you have never had before.”
91. “Just doing this because my girlfriend did. She said it doesn’t mean anything. Message the shit out of me.”
92. “Two reasons to date me:
1. Because you’d be the good-looking one
2. Please.”
93. “Hit me up with 1 for a cheesy pickup line, 2 for a dad joke.”
94. “So here’s how this will go:
We’ll exchange punny pick up lines
I’ll make small talk, you will mention the puppy
Pretty sure it’ll get flirty
Eventually, you’ll send me your number
Risking it all, I ask you out and you say yes
I wasn’t expecting to get this far
Good chance we’ll get drunk at a party or bar
Hey wanna choose what happens next?
Then go and read the first letter of each line.”
95. “I always keep a loaded gun on my nightstand in the event of an intruder, so I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people.”
96. “I like long walks on the beach with my girlfriend, until the LSD wears off and I realize I’m just dragging a stolen mannequin around a Wendy’s parking lot.”
97. “If you say nothing that means it’s a yes.”
98. “For the love of God, someone please date me so I can stop taking my mom to costume parties.”
99. “Honestly, I’m just here looking for my parents. They disappeared one night a few years ago and I heard I might be able to find them here. Please contact me if you have any pertinent information.”
100.”Last time I was someone’s type I was donating blood.”
Funny Tinder Bios For Both Guys And Girls
101. “I’m here to avoid friends on Facebook.”
102. “I’m [Your Name] and I cuddle at a level that should require a paid subscription.”
103. “Looking for someone to grow old with… one night older.”
104. “Likes: climbing trees, bananas, grooming, finding bugs. Hit me up if you wanna ‘hang’ out. I don’t monkey around.”
105. “You gotta marry someone you know you’d still be down to fuck in the laundry room real quick while the kids are downstairs watching The Lion King and ten minutes left till the dinosaur nuggets are ready to come out of the oven.”
106. “Send me an emoji that represents our first date, I’ll send you an emoji that represents our future.”
107. “I’m banking on your standards being a lot lower than mine.”
108. “Sometimes life hands you lemons that are worth two in the bush, I like puppies.”
109. “I don’t have nightmares, I create them.”
110. “I’ll be Burger King and you’ll be McDonald’s, I’ll have it my way and you’ll be loving it.”
111.”I’m 26. I live with my grandparents but that will hopefully change soon.”
112. “I still ride on the back of shopping carts when I shop.”
113. “I am a little freaky at times… but no one has stepped up to the plate to explore that side of me.”
114. “Professional bathroom singer. Seeking a duet partner.”
115. “I’m a highly motivated, controlling, narcissistic asshole with bad grammar… Good luck.”
116. “Gym selfies. So many gym selfies. Shirtless gym selfies, cut-off tee gym selfies, pull-my-shirt-up gym selfies, mid-workout gym selfies. Just gym selfies.”
Click Here To Discover What Men Secretly Want, But Could Never Tell You.
117. “Married. Couple of kids. Looking for some side action. Just kidding. Single. 3 Tamagotchis. Looking for someone to take to family events so they’ll stop thinking something’s wrong with me.”
118. “I never use this sober.”
119. “I message first. Every single time. You won’t beat me.”
120. “Seeking someone who looks good on the arm to take to social events!”
121. “I hope your day is as nice as my ass.”
122. “I can’t wait to disappoint you sexually.”
123. “80s music brings me back to good times like when I wasn’t alive.”
124. “I’m here because I’m too lazy to find my soulmate and my mom said that I’m getting old.”
125. “You look like my next mistake.”
126. “Leave a message after the beep.”
127. “You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll climax.”
128. “If you’re waiting for an opportune moment to talk to me… now is it.”
129. “I don’t make mistakes, I just date them.”
130. “This is the beginning of the sentence you just finished reading.”
LOL!
I don’t know about you but I had a really good laugh re-writing these undoubtedly best Tinder bios ever, so give me a moment to catch my breath and reset.
Okay, to summarize all this, my ultimate Tinder tip and social media dating advice in general would be: Laugh, enjoy, live in the moment and spice it all up with a dose of self-deprecating humor! (And Tinder messages will start coming in like spam emails!)
