YOUR “COMPLICATED HEART” BROKE MINE
I don’t really know how to explain everything I felt when I was with you. There was this magnetic force between us that was just pulling us together. We couldn’t keep our hands of off each other. We couldn’t stay apart for too long.
But it wasn’t just physical. It was so much more than that. We connected at every level. We used to talk for hours, and it would feel like minutes passed. We used to laugh so hard that tears would just roll down our faces. Time flew when I was by your side.
I was so surprised you let me in so fast. We didn’t share just the good parts. You opened up to me about everything that happened inside you. You showed me the parts of you weren’t all that pretty You showed me your wounds. All of that made me fall for you even harder.
But the love bubble I was in burst all of a sudden, and I couldn’t make sense of anything that was happening.
Somebody who had all the time in the world for me had none to spare. Somebody who used to text often forgot to reply for days. Somebody mine didn’t want to be mine anymore and he couldn’t explain why…it was too complicated.
My head was a mess. My thoughts were running, and I couldn’t catch them. First, I thought it was something I’d done. So I replayed all the scenarios in my head to get to the cause of things.
I tried to reach out. I wanted you to tell me what went wrong. I wanted to apologize if I’d done something wrong. I wanted to fix things. I wanted to go back in time. More than anything I wanted you in my life.
But you wanted nothing to do with me. You disappeared from my life. Your “complicated heart” broke mine, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I felt so powerless, so sad and confused that all the words in the world are not good enough to describe it. I think I am still a little bit broken from everything.
How wouldn’t I be? I was totally blindsided. I never saw this coming. One moment I was so happy I felt I was flying. The next you cut off my wings.
I still want answers. I still want to know why, but I guess I will never get them, and that’s just something I have to deal with.
Maybe you were never honest. The man you made me believe you are would never do this to me. I thought you were better than this, and if we ever parted, I thought that you would give me an honest reason.
“I can’t explain..it’s complicated” is not reason enough. It’s cowardly. It’s what assholes do. It’s not what real men do.
I know you will regret everything sooner or later and you will want to come back. But by then it might be too late. I think it already is too late. Because once a heart is broken, it can never beat the same. I will patch the pieces up differently and there will be no more room for you in it.