To The One Who Realized Loving Herself Meant Letting Him Go
It’s hard, I understand. Letting go of someone you love, letting go of someone you want to spend your life with. But you had to do it. To save yourself, to save your sanity and heart, you had to. Because his love was toxic.
His love was poison that was slowly killing you from the inside. His love was acid that was melting the walls of your soul, until you would be completely lost. To love yourself, you had to let him go.
His love cost you your worth. His words, his toxic behavior took away the smile off your face. His darkness took away the spark from your eyes—that beautiful spark you had. The life in you, the passion of your soul. His unfaithful behavior cost you your sleep. You started doubting yourself, started thinking you’re not enough. You’re not good enough, worthy enough. Oh, but you are, darling. You are more than enough and that’s what frightened him. He’s not worthy of you, so he destroyed you instead. He wasn’t ready to face the love, so he turned it against you. He used your love to break you, but not anymore. This time, you’re giving your love to yourself. This time your love is going to heal you.
His love cost you your confidence. His words still sting. They still burn under your skin. His words about how you’re not pretty enough, how that woman over there is hot, how this woman over here is perfect. But not you. It was never you. You were never the perfect one, you were never the pretty one. He was so insecure that he manipulated you into thinking that he is a gift from heaven. That you’re blessed to have him. But, darling, it’s other way around. He should be thanking heaven and all the gods that you came into his life. It’s not you who’s not good enough—it’s him who is too blind to see past his insecurities and fears. It’s not you who is unlovable—it’s him who is incapable of loving.
His love cost you your dreams. You can still hear his laugh, his voice telling you you’re not capable enough of making your dreams come true. His voice demanding that you give up on them, so you can accompany him while he makes his come true. His voice making you doubt your abilities, making you think that you’ll never make it. But who says you won’t? Who gets to decide that you’re not good enough? Who gets to decide that you’re not strong enough? It’s you, and you only.
His love cost you your sanity. His manipulations, guilt tripping and poison beautifully wrapped up in sweet words made you think that it’s all in your head. That he really loves you, that you’re to blame. That he’s the One, and you should try harder. That he’s faithful and you should work harder to earn his trust. Love, no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you love him, it’ll never be enough. But you see that now. That’s why you’re here.
You see that it was never you. You see that it was his past that defined him and there’s no reason it should define you too. You see that this is not what love looks like, although he worked really hard to make you believe it does. You finally see your worth, after he tried so hard to take it from you. And you finally realized that loving yourself meant letting him go.