To The Guy Thinking I Can’t Live Without Him
Coming and going away was always your thing, wasn’t it? You are so perfect and you can give yourself that much power over somebody to go and be sure they’ll still be waiting once you decide to come back. I’ll be waiting once you decide to come back.
You can decide to take a break, to put a wall between us or just to forget about me for a while and then come back as if nothing ever happened. You’ll kiss me, you’ll hold my hand and tell me how pretty I am, and I’m supposed to forget about everything?
I should be there for you whenever you need a friend, a shoulder to cry on or a cheerleader but I’ll have to deal with my mental breakdowns on my own, even though I supposedly have you?
Loyalty is a privilege, not a right. Just because I love you, it doesn’t mean I owe you anything. I do stuff for you because I care, not because I have to—you just seem to forget that a bit too often.
Just because I care for you and it hurts when you are not by my side doesn’t mean I’ll consent to that kind of toxic relationship forever. If you ask me, this has been going in the wrong direction for far too long. I’ve given you way more time than to any other man in my life. I kept thinking you’ll change and you’ll realize how much love I have for you.
I thought you’ll see how special I am and how much I care for you. I don’t have to be the prettiest one, that’s not what I am about and you knew that from the beginning. I am the one that always knew how to make you laugh even when you were the saddest person in this world. I knew when to speak and when to listen. I knew when you needed my touch and I knew when you needed my hand in yours. That’s why you always come running back to me, right?
You know there is no other one who’ll put up with what I am going through. There is no other girl who knows you better than I do and you keep taking that for granted. And I keep waiting for you to realize what am I to you for real. Am I just a punching bag or am I ‘the one’?
I keep thinking a woman can change a man because she loves him. She can’t. I can’t. A man changes himself because he loves her. You’re supposed to change because you love me. But you are not changing.
You never appreciated me. Maybe you’ll be one of those people who realize what they had once they’ve lost it. Maybe you’ll realize my value once you’re left without me.
Let me tell you a secret. One day you’ll wake up and I won’t be there.You’ll call me, but unlike all the other times, I won’t rush to pick up my phone. I won’t pick up at all. That’ll be the day I’ll decide I’ve had enough. That’ll be the day when you’ll lose the one person that cared for you more than she cared about her life.
I’ll box up your things, I’ll box up everything I have from you—all the good things, all the bad things, my memories, my tears, your gifts, our photos and I’ll toss them away. I’ll toss you out of my apartment, head, and heart.
Life won’t wait for us and I am not going to wait for you either.
I’ll allow myself to cry. It will be my way to digest you through my system. But once I stop, it’s going to be forever.
I read somewhere that sometimes we create our own heartbreaks through expectations. Maybe I have expected way too much from an emotionally unavailable and damaged guy.
I know I deserve more and I’ve just realized you won’t be the one to give me what I deserve. You are not capable nor willing to give me the love I deserve.
I’ll find somebody who’ll hold my hand in public. I’ll find a guy who’ll be there for me when I need him. I’ll find one who’s going to know my worth and who’s going to appreciate all the things I do for him. I’ll be with someone who won’t take me for granted.
I believe that you and I will meet again sometime in life. Our roads will cross again. You’ll see me with him and I promise you I’ll be happy. I’ll smile at him and my eyes will glow. I will move on. Then, you’ll see what you could have had.
You’ll meet me with a guy who didn’t need to see me with somebody else to know my worth.