Relationship advice

To The Girl In An Abusive Relationship, From The Girl Who Already Escaped One, Based On Relationship

As I depend on the bed, incapacitated by recalls of an abusive partnership, I start to feel my heart pumping faster, louder, harder. I listen to the bass in his voice via our shared house wall. Berating is a familiar sound that I identify also well. He does not allow you to talk. If I didn’t know far better, the silence on your end would lead me to assume he was alone, maybe yelling on the phone. This is not a discussion between both of you. It is just the voice of a mad, disrespectful individual who is not also deserve of being called a man.

From our shared wall, I listen to glass shatter as well as a tear running down my face. I have remained in your scenario. I think to myself, “Should I be calling the cops?” I feel guilty not calling, but I also understand that when I was once in your setting, the polices showing up would certainly have just made the physical violence even worse the following time around. I have been where you are. I rested there as the man that I assumed liked me was screaming in my face and throwing things around me. I have experienced the same looming thoughts you are experiencing, always wondering, “Am I mosting likely to be the following point he damages?”

I see a bag tossed onto our common steps; a door bangs, not as soon as yet twice. A moment of silence. I do not see you leave, so I know you are still because home-keeping that guy. Panic brushes up over me. Are you okay? Why has the dealing instantly stopped? 10, 15, and 20 minutes pass. My thoughts have been competing this whole time. My mind has tricked my body right into believing I am the one experiencing this argument.

I listen to a soft voice, but not enough to construct a clear analysis of the circumstance. An hour passes as well as I hear your laugh. You 2 leave, holding hands as if nothing has ever occurred.

I am tired. I unwantedly lived through my trauma because of our shared wall surfaces. When I left my very own abusive connection, I assumed I was made with this cycle. I assumed I was going to be able to rest throughout the night. I thought I had healed.

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