When you look at her, what do you see? You see her widely opened eyes, looking like they are searching for something but it still amazes you how beautiful they are.
You see her smile disappearing too fast from her face because she thought of something that scared her and made her feel uncomfortable. You hear her stutter from time to time, her breathing becomes louder and you look at her while she is becoming pale again.
Yes, that is the anxious girl you fell in love with. No matter how sure you might be of your relationship and of her love for you, never take her for granted, because one wrong move and you will lose her.
And you will never get her back.
You will lose an anxious girl the moment she starts feeling like a burden to you. She can read your body language better than anyone! She sees the way you’re looking at her when she is too quiet, she hears you sigh when she doesn’t know what to say.
You will lose an anxious girl when you start calling her out. She can’t control her red cheeks and the way she keeps on asking you millions of questions simply to make sure that you still love her. Don’t get annoyed by the way she cries over something that went through her mind, she isn’t in control of that.
There is no way of telling how she will react when you try to force her to talk to people she doesn’t like or even make her get to know your friends. She isn’t trying to make you mad, she isn’t trying to get on your nerves, she simply doesn’t know another way to respond.
She is shy, introverted, and her mind doesn’t allow her to feel comfortable with people around her, so if you try to change any of those things about her by force, she will freak out.
You will lose her the moment she doesn’t feel safe with you anymore. Yes, she needs constant reassurance, yes, she’ll ask the weirdest questions ever, she might even cry for no particular reason. But the way you react to her anxiety is what makes her feel safe.
Because if you tell her that she is ‘overreacting’ or ‘overthinking’ she will only feel bad about herself once more and you will end up with no goodnight kiss, looking at her face that’s flooded with tears.
If you love her, never make her forget that, never let her believe otherwise because that is the most important thing if you do not want to lose her. Make sure that she knows how much she means to you, or the next beautiful woman who says hi to you will be the death of her.
You will lose her by assuming that you two are the same, because you are not. Her brain is much more complex and the cold sweat that’s rushing out of her is unique to her. You will never understand a brain like hers, because it’s too crowded—even for you.
With all her demons inside her mind, with all those reasons to not feel at ease at night, do you really think she has the energy to go to that party tomorrow night? Do you really think that she will have fun while feeling like all those eyes are looking at her?
You will lose her when you try to relate to her, because you can’t. You do not understand the pain she is going through when her anxiety acts up even in front of her best friend, her sister, you. Her anxiety doesn’t allow her to speak to the people closest to her.
You will lose her slowly, because she will always give you another chance. She will always try to make things right and go to those parties with you. She will overthink your relationship to the point where she will always choose you.
Until one day, until the point when she feels like you will never understand or completely accept her for who she is. The only thing she is truly asking of you is to accept her anxiety as a part of her and love her despite it.
She wants you to know that she is a strong woman, a fighter, fighting her own battles every single day and the moment you see her as weak… you will lose her.
You will lose her the moment you start looking at her as a victim, because she is so much more than that. You will lose her exactly because of the way you do not even want to understand.