How do you love when your heart is broken? How do you survive when your soul is bruised? I’ve been asking myself these questions for so long because no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t find the answer. I couldn’t love myself because your poisonous words were still echoing in my mind. I couldn’t move on because I still loved you. With every single, broken part of my silly heart, I loved you. But you know what? No more.
I finally see my worth. Fuck, it took me so long. It took me too long. But I’m finally here. I finally see that I’m so much more than you ever said I was. I’m so much more than your booty call, than your safety net. I’m so much more than you ever took me for. I dream, I fear, I hurt and I love. I’m both loud and shy, broken and strong. And I love it. I’m everything I imagine I can be and there’s nothing stopping me now. No memory of you is strong enough to slow me down. You once broke me, but no more.
I finally see myself in the mirror the way I truly am. Not the distorted version you made me believe I was. I see my eyes shining again like before. I no longer see fat thighs, ugly scars and stretchmarks. I see my body and I love what I’m seeing. My long hair, my piercings and my bright red lips. I see parts of me you made me hate, but no more.
I finally see my mistakes. When I was supposed to leave, I stayed. When you broke me, I hoped you’d change. When you pulled me down with you, I hoped I’d be strong enough to pull us both to the surface. When you showed me that you don’t love me, I still believed that if I tried harder, you would. If I gave you more, if I loved you, you’d love me too. But no more.
I finally see that you don’t deserve me. That you never really did. All you ever did was take me for granted and I deserve so much more than that. You never deserved my love, my support, because you never knew how to appreciate them. You thought that I’m supposed to sacrifice myself for you, that I’m supposed to give up on my dreams to make yours happen. You believed that I’m blessed to have you in my life, but darling, you were nothing but the curse.
I finally see how badass I am. I don’t know why I ever thought that I have to settle for you and your half love. I was so naïve that I believed everything you said. I believed that I’m not enough. I believed that I’m not smart, beautiful or good looking enough to ever make any of my dreams come true. And I’m so truly, incredibly sorry that it took me so long to see myself. To see the woman my friends see, to see the woman you tried to destroy because you didn’t know how to handle her. You didn’t know how to love me because you were afraid of me. You didn’t know how to give me a valid reason to stay, so you tried to strip me of options to leave. But no more.
I finally see my happy ending. And you’re not in it. I see my future clearly more than ever because I know that I’m good. I know that I’m smart. I know that I can handle it. I handled you. I fought away your demons. I can handle everything life throws at me. I know that I’m strong because I survived your toxic love. I survived your manipulations and came back stronger than ever. And I know that I can make my dreams come true because I already made one do so: I learned to love myself and to be my own hero. That’s something no one can take away from me, not even you. And I finally realized that I’m my own happy ending. It was never about you and that pathetic excuse you used for love. It’s about me.
