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I thought this moment would never happen. I thought I would always love you and that I would always want you close. But this time, I don’t feel this way. This time, I don’t want you in my life anymore and I really mean it. I am sick and tired of your lies and manipulation. I am tired of you blaming me for every single problem that occurs. I am sick and tired of not getting the love I crave so much.
All I have ever wanted was true love. I just wanted someone who would always be there for me for better and for worse. But you didn’t do that. You were never there when I needed you while you expected me to be with you in your worst moments. You were the selfish idiot who just thought about his needs and emotions. You didn’t feel any remorse for all the bad things you did to me nor did you say you were sorry. You just moved on like nothing happened. And I, crazily in love with you, accepted all your terms. I accepted them because you were the air in my lungs and I couldn’t imagine my life without you. You were everything I had and I didn’t want to lose you.
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Because even if I knew that you weren’t the right one for me, I was so afraid to let you go. I didn’t know what I would do with my life after you. I knew I would be totally confused and that I would never be the old me again. Because in some strange way, you made me complete. You made me feel like I was enough when I was with you. You knew every weakness I had and you had such a good way to heal every wound that I bled from. You were my savior and my killer at the same time. But recently, you’ve done only harm to me. Recently, I’ve realized that I can’t function like this anymore. I need a reliable man who will love me every day and not only when he is in the mood for it. I need a hand of salvation when I am confronted with the demons inside me and not someone who will push me closer to them. And when I saw that you took advantage of me once more and that you have no intention to love me, I decided that I don’t need you anymore. I realized that life with you would never make sense because we were never meant to be. I realized that you are selfish enough to never give me the love, respect and support I deserve. And I need it so badly.
So don’t act all surprised right now. You knew this was about to happen. You just thought that I will be an idiot for some time more and that I won’t have the strength to walk away from you. Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but I don’t want you in my life anymore. I don’t want any more tears, false hopes, a heart that is ripping apart every time you don’t chose me and your lack of love. I don’t want you to touch me with your hands while telling me that you love me because I know you don’t feel that way. You are doing this just so I will stay, just so you could feed on me once more.
I don’t want your false kisses and hugs you can’t wait to finish. I can’t stand that you criticize me and that nothing I do is ever good enough for you.
Please, let me live my life again. Let me feel the fresh air in my lungs and let me laugh like I used to. Leave me alone and find your happiness far away from me. Because truth to be told, I don’t want you near me anymore. I don’t need you. I don’t crave you. And most of all, I don’t love you anymore.
I know that it is hard for you to accept that it is over, but it is better to leave than to hold on to something that is not real. And to be honest, I don’t know if it ever was real. I just know that it was over before it even started.
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