The Cold Approach: What It Is And A Step By Step Guide To Mastering It
Meeting women and having some kind of social interaction with them outside of online dating has become a huge problem for a lot of guys.
Some don’t have the necessary skillset to hit on attractive girls successfully, some think that a beautiful woman would never lay her eyes on them and some are simply afraid to approach women.
If this is something you can relate to and if you’re the kind of person who has approach anxiety, congratulations because you’ve come to the right place.
We’re about to introduce you to a completely new concept of approaching attractive women for the first time, which works like a charm.
What Is The Cold Approach?
Before getting started, firstly we have to define the cold approach and how cold approaching differentiates from the warm approach.
First of all, let me tell you that this is one of the strategies mostly guys use to hit on attractive girls or to meet women.
However, the thing that makes it special is the fact that the girl you’re interested in this time is a complete stranger and you literally know nothing about her except that you find her attractive.
You surprise her out of nowhere, ask for her phone number or ask her out.
You are not familiar with whether she is single or taken, you two don’t have mutual friends or the same social circle and you don’t spend weeks or even months preparing to hit on her.
On the contrary, a warm approach is something you’re probably used to; it is the situation when you ask a girl you’ve already met out.
This can be your co-worker, a woman you’ve been seeing at the same club for weeks now, your neighbor you keep running into in the grocery store, a girl you already flirted with, have been texting for some time now or at least had strong eye contact with.
You use the warm approach to directly hit on a beautiful woman from your social circle or you even send a friend to be your wingman and to help you out.
So, in this case scenario, you have a lot of time on your hands to choose the right move.
Even though you still haven’t gone out with this woman, you probably investigated her relationship status, hobbies and interests so that you can adjust your strategy accordingly.
Therefore, this kind of approach depends on multiple factors. However, cold approaching only depends on your effort at a given moment.
Sounds difficult or even impossible, right? Well, nobody said it was easy but it doesn’t mean you can’t succeed.
Trust me—you definitely can and here is how.
How To Cold Approach Girls? 10 Steps To Success
1. Build your confidence
Even though cold approaching happens in an instant and there is no preparation on how to ask this particular girl out, there are some things you have to work on before engaging in something like this.
Obviously, if you are an insecure guy, you’ll never have the courage to pull a stunt like this and start talking to a girl you’ve never met before.
Your approach anxiety will force you to be scared of meeting women, to overthink your every word and move and you’ll lose the spontaneity.
You’ll immediately assume that this girl you like will send you to hell or embarrass you in some way, so you’ll probably give up before even trying anything.
Well, this is exactly why you have to start building your self-esteem in time and learn how to approach girls without fear.
For starters, change your mindset and stop being obsessed with failure and then work on your social skills.
There is no reason for you to perceive yourself as a loser who could never get the girl he wants.
After all, just because you got rejected or hurt a few times or because you weren’t popular among girls back in highschool, that doesn’t make you any worse than other men.
Forget about your romantic history and start from scratch.
Forget about all the chances you didn’t get and about all the girls who turned you down and have faith that this time everything will be different.
2. Work on your appearance
Whether you like to admit it or not, women are visual creatures, the same as men. A girl has to find your looks appealing in order to give you a shot and start talking to you.
You see, your looks are way more important in this case scenario than in the warm approach.
Now, nobody could have told this girl what a great guy you are, you didn’t use social media or text messages to win her over or to present yourself as a man worthy of her attention; the only thing she knows about you at this point is what she notices at first sight.
Of course, later on, she might fall in love with your sense of humor, kindness, social skills or other personality traits but for now, the only thing you have to offer is your physical appearance.
Therefore, if you want to increase your chances of making this cold approaching work, this is something you should pay special attention to.
You don’t have to be the most handsome man in the world—it will be enough for you to be groomed, shaved, nicely dressed and to smell good.
Another thing you should work on is your posture.
I’ll be honest with you here—you can look like a million bucks, you can be dressed as if you just got off the runway but if you don’t know how to wear all of these clothes (and if it looks like it is wearing you instead), all of your efforts are pointless.
So, start acting like you own the room and as if you’re completely aware of your worth, even if you’re not.
3. Prepare for rejection
Let’s be honest—in many cultures, approaching a girl out of the blue without any prior social interaction might classify you as the kind of person who is just lurking around and waiting for an opportunity to attack his next victim.
Also, some women are shy and don’t feel comfortable with someone jumping on them without any introduction.
Therefore, you have to be ready for rejection at all times.
In fact, most girls will probably tell you, “No,” even before thinking things through, simply because they don’t want to appear as too easy or because they’re aware that you don’t find them special and that you probably do this to every girl you find attractive.
On the other hand, you may also meet women who are taken.
When they tell you that they have a boyfriend or a husband, politely back off and thank them for their time.
The last thing you should be is rude and keep on hitting on this girl after she tells you that she is in a relationship or married.
Remember that it is not your job to question her words and to think about whether she is using this as an excuse to get rid of you or if it really is the truth.
Another thing you need to be prepared for is that the object of your affection simply doesn’t like you back.
Never forget that a girl has the full right not to give you a chance and even when that happens, it is your job to step back and to respect her boundaries.
4. Appear out of nowhere
After you’ve prepared yourself mentally and thought all the possibilities through, it is time for the next step: time to actually approach this girl. So, how do you do it exactly?
No, you don’t make strong eye contact, you don’t ask around about her, you don’t look her up on different online dating sites, looking for an opportunity to start texting her, you don’t send a wingman to do the dirty work for you; you just approach her.
Yes, you heard it right—it doesn’t matter whether you run into her in the middle of a street, in a club or somewhere else.
Either way, you simply walk toward her and surprise her.
What most men do wrong is that they wait for the girl they like to go to the bathroom, to be headed home or for her friends to be out of the picture.
Well, the best dating advice you’ll get is not to prolong your action.
Before you know it, some other dude will get her attention or she’ll leave your sight. Just like that, your chance will be gone and you’ll be sorry for not doing anything in time.
5. You start talking
Now, you start talking to her. You don’t need a special introduction, you just say hi, introduce yourself, ask for her name and straightforwardly tell her you like her.
If it is necessary, you can write your little speech down before you begin with the cold approaching. You can practice in front of a mirror or ask a female friend to help you with this experiment.
Yes, saying these few sentences is not a big deal but when you’re in front of a girl you like, it is easy for you to become nervous and tongue-tied.
Remember that this first impression is everything so if you want to have a shot with her, you mustn’t allow your insecurities to take over.
Also, be prepared for the fact that approaching different girls will result in different conversations.
You can’t predict her replies and you have to go with the flow, instead of showing her that you memorized a few lines by heart.
The best solution in this situation is to have an imaginary conversation with some random girl in your head.
Think of all the things she might say back to you and come up with the best possible responses for each of these possible replies.
6. Send her body language signs
When you’re pulling off the cold approach, you’re not waiting for a girl’s feedback and therefore, you don’t have to send her signals that you’re into her before you actually hit on her.
However, every cold approach pick up artist will tell you that besides your social skills, your body language signs become crucial once you actually approach her.
Firstly, look her straight in the eyes when you two are talking.
Besides bringing up the s*xual tension to a whole new level, this move will also show her that you’re certain of your actions and that you know what you’re doing.
Also, make sure to stand or sit as close as possible to her. If the opportunity arises, you can even start whispering in her ear.
Use every chance to accidentally touch her: move a lock of her hair from her face, grab her hand or put yours on her shoulder when you’re making a point.
However, whatever you do, you have to be careful about the body language signs you’re getting back from this girl.
Under no circumstances whatsoever are you allowed to invade her personal space if she obviously doesn’t like it or do something inappropriate which can make her feel uncomfortable and make you look like a maniac.
7. You introduce yourself
When you’ve finally acquired some kind of contact, you continue to introduce yourself.
Tell her your name, your age and your occupation but make sure it all happens spontaneously and not like you’re at a job interview.
This way, she will feel more relaxed around you. She wouldn’t be scared about giving you a chance or open up after she gets all the necessary intel about you.
8. Show your charm
The truth is that you won’t be getting many opportunities with this girl. In fact, you should consider yourself lucky for even having this chance to present yourself in the best possible light.
You don’t have much time to knock her off your feet so this is the time when you have to pull out all the heavy artillery and show her all the charm you have. Be witty and spontaneous.
Impress her with your conversation skillset and sense of humor. Play word games and try seducing her right there on the spot.
9. Be direct
Whether they like to admit this or not, every cold approach pickup artist will tell you that girls like men who are direct.
They are more likely to fall for a guy who has the courage to come clean about his intentions, who is brave enough to tell them how much he likes them and who asks for their phone number right away, without beating around the bush and without fear of rejection.
So, please, try conquering your insecurities. Don’t be scared that she’ll ridicule your attempts of winning her over and instead tell her straightforwardly what you want.
The worst thing you can do is be too shy to start the conversation or ask her what she is doing the next day.
Even though most women will tell you that they don’t like players, they in fact don’t like boys who have trouble with their confidence and who are too much of a coward to approach them.
10. But be polite
Nevertheless, this doesn’t make it okay for you to be rude or to forget about your manners.
Instead, create the perfect balance; show her that you know what and who you want and that you won’t give up until you get it but always remain a gentleman.
Forget about dirty jokes and allusions by which you hope to raise sexual tension.
Compliment her looks but don’t even think about telling her that she turns you on or that she has, for example, an awesome ass.
Yes, this girl knows that you’re drawn by her thanks to her attributes.
She is aware that you’re probably picturing her in the bedroom from the very first minute you lay your eyes on her.
After all, you still haven’t gotten to know her and the only thing you can like is her physical appearance.
However, all of this doesn’t mean that you should act like a jerk and make her feel uncomfortable with your comments.
Instead, do your best to show her that you’re a gentleman who will pull her chair out, hold her jacket or pour her drink.
6 Benefits Of Cold Approaching
1. It helps you with approach anxiety
If you’re just a regular, average guy who hasn’t had luck with attractive women since highschool, you probably suffer from something called approach anxiety.
As much as you like a certain girl, giving it a shot with her seems like a mission impossible.
Whenever you try approaching a girl, you give up before even doing anything concrete.
You might be scared of her humiliating you or embarrassing you in front of others, maybe you doubt your social skills, maybe you’re trying to keep your ego intact or you spend too much time overthinking the situation.
Either way, your approach anxiety prevents you from hitting on girls and especially from finding a girlfriend. Well, the last thing you should do is let it rule you and accept things the way they are, without putting any effort in to changing them.
Well, let me tell you that this cold approach helps you deal with this issue in the most successful way possible.
I won’t lie to you; at first, your hands will probably be sweating, your voice will shake and you’ll only think of the worst possible scenario.
However, what you forget is that practice makes perfect. The more girls you approach, the further you will chase your anxiety away until it finally disappears for good.
2. It’s more romantic
Another benefit of the cold approach lies in its romantic aspects.
You know how things happen in the movies: a girl and a guy bump into each other, they start staring into one another’s eyes, time freezes and they both know that they’re experiencing love at first sight.
I’m not saying that this will happen to you as well but this approach definitely does bring some magic to your dating life.
Besides, the object of your affection will be enchanted by your knight-like bravery as well as the fact that she managed to capture your attention just by appearing on your radar.
She will see this entire situation as love at first sight. It is more than obvious; you couldn’t resist her beauty and charm and you had to approach her, even if it was the last thing you ever did.
3. It shows that you’re experienced
Not every man has the courage for the cold approach. In fact, only experienced guys have the necessary skillset to pull a stunt like this.
Therefore, even if this is your first time doing something like this, this girl will consider you experienced.
Consequently, after she realizes you’re a good catch among other girls, she will think that she has to take a chance and be with you before some other girl gets you first.
4. She’ll appreciate you more
Besides, by cold approaching an attractive woman, you’re inspiring her to appreciate you more.
What you need to understand is that in today’s dating life, girls are surrounded by guys whose biggest reach is to send them a follow request, like their photos or text them every once in a while.
Therefore, it is perfectly normal for this girl to consider you special and unique because not a lot of guys have the ability to cold approach women.
Besides admiring your courage, she is more likely to give you a chance once she sees that you are a mature man who stands out from the crowd.
5. You make her curious
The same way you know nothing about this girl, she has absolutely no clue about you either.
She doesn’t know who you are, where you come from or what your hobbies and interests are…
Well, let me tell you that all of this actually goes in your favor. The mere fact that you’re a stranger who finds her attractive will make her investigate you.
The cold approach intrigues and makes the object of your affection curious. She sees you as this mysterious man whose personality she has to explore.
6. More intense attraction
I won’t lie to you—the chances of rejection are way higher with the cold approach, contrary to the warm one.
However, when this type of approach works out for the best and once you succeed in it, the chemistry which appears between you two can only grow.
Yes, things rarely work this way but when they do, they show you that all of your efforts were worth it and that you should have engaged in something like this a long time ago.