No matter how much she hoped that you two would make it, it was never meant to be, really. No matter how much she tried, how much she gave or how much she prayed, it was all in vain because you were incapable of loving. You still are, I guess.
All the times she believed you loved her, you just played her. You know what you have to do in order to get what you want. You knew all the right words to say and all the right moves to make so that she would fall for you. To make her believe that you’re honest, while that word doesn’t even exist in your vocabulary. She fell in love with you without even thinking about it, because it felt good. It felt right.
And she genuinely believed that you meant what you said. There was no reason for her to doubt your promises and all the vows you made her. There was no reason for her to go to bed wondering if maybe you’re not telling the truth. And that’s why it broke her even harder when you left.
All the times she believed she could trust you, you used her trust against her. She trusted you with her heart and her life. She let you in, even though people used her before. She gave you everything, even though she lost it all before. But she trusted you. You were the one risk she was happy to take because she believed that this time, it would be different.
She believed that you would not play her trust, so she gave it to you easily. She believed that you would protect her when life comes at her, so she gave you her heart. She believed so many things and not one of them turned out to be true. Not one.
All the times she listened to your words like they were holy Bible, you intoxicated her with them. At first, it was all giggles and laughs mixed with expressions of love and compliments. And with time, your compliments turned into manipulations. Your expressions of love turned into conditions. But she still loved you. She still believed in you. She still believed in the love you two had. Or at least she thought you did.
All the times she gave you a second chance, you took it to break her once more. She tried to escape; she tried to walk away. You were like a boomerang she couldn’t run away from. And every time you would bounce back, you would break her more. You would take away one more piece of her, until nothing was left.
And now that she has run out of chances and love, she is finally free.She can finally see that you were nothing more than a mistake that cost her greatly. She can finally see that it was never her who was the unlovable one; it was your inability to love that chased you away. It was your selfishness and toxic heart that destroyed her.
She was so afraid of letting you down, so afraid of facing a day without you, that she held on for you like she was holding on for her life. But she found her courage, she found a way to be brave, because it’s better to face every day alone than with you by her side. It’s better to fall asleep alone than to fall asleep in your lying hands.
She finally sees that she never lost your love because you can’t lose something you never had. For too long, she blamed herself for all the downfalls of your relationship because you made her believe that it was all her fault. For too long, she hated parts of herself, thinking that they’re the reason why you left. For too long, she refused to love herself because you didn’t love her. You made her believe that she’s the unlovable one and screw you for that!
You took the most amazing woman with the biggest and greatest heart the world has seen and you broke her. You took her trust and stomped on it. You took her love and set it on fire so she’ll burn in it. But she still managed to see through your lies and manipulations. She still managed to see the truth and to finally see that she deserves more than you. More than what you can even dream about giving to someone.
You can’t lose something you never had, but it still doesn’t mean it hurts less. She never had your love, but losing you still hurt. The fact that she loved someone who never loved her back. The fact that she gave herself to someone who only took the parts he liked. That’s not love, for God’s sake. Love is accepting and loving each other the way you are. But I guess that’s science fiction for you.
But she’s getting there. She’s learning to love herself the way you never knew how to love her. She’s learning to put herself first, something you never even considered. And she’s accepting the truth that it was never her fault you left because you weren’t there in the first place. Not for her, not for your relationship. And not for love.
