Relationship Advice: Thinking About Divorce? Ask Yourself These 5 Questions First

Relationship Advice: Thinking About Divorce? Ask Yourself These 5 Questions First

Thinking about divorce? First, ask yourself these 5 questions. At one point or another, almost every married person I know (including me and my husband) has asked ourselves: should I just end it all and get a divorce? This is a very painful question because to answer it, you have to dig deep, look into your soul and understand what is going on there.

And for most of us, there is no clear answer as to whether you are ready to leave or not. There is a lot at stake when deciding what is best for you and perhaps for your children. At its core, it is a question of values, respect, and what you really want out of life and how that aligns with reality. And no one can answer that question except you.

Are you thinking about divorce? If you are increasingly thinking about divorce, then in addition to the main question—to be or not to be—ask yourself the following questions:

1. How are you with s*x?

Sex is an important part of marriage. At its best, it is a union of bodies and souls. At its worst, it is another routine duty that must be done or ignored. The two most important sex problems are:

1) when you feel scared or sad at the thought of having s*x with your spouse,

2) when you haven’t had sex for a long time (around a year or more) due to a lack of desire, without medical reasons. Neither of these situations in themselves can be a reason for divorce, but they should be a factor to consider if you’re already thinking about separation in general.

2. Do you have respect for each other?

Mutual respect is the foundation of any successful marriage, but there are moments when spouses stop respecting each other, and this is dangerous. If you 1) have lost all positive feelings for your spouse; 2) are sure that he or she can’t do anything right, then this is a serious problem.

If you feel this way about yourself, it is also a dangerous sign. And then you should think about a plan of action.

3. Are you looking for someone to blame rather than a solution to the problem?

Sometimes it is much easier to simply find someone to blame than to admit your role in the situation and try to find a solution. Sometimes this is normal, but if one of you constantly blames the other for everything, this is a hopeless type of behavior. The person is too self-centered and easily offended, and he himself ignores the obvious.

4. Have you developed any bad habits?

For example, you became just parents, not lovers, friends, and parents. All that unites you is children. This is also a bad habit.

• Cheating and lying in a relationship—when you feel like you don’t want your spouse to hear you talking to someone on the phone—is a dangerous habit.

Poor communication or lack of it leads to constant quarrels or lack of them—an unwillingness to solve common problems.

• You dwell on the past and constantly remind each other of old mistakes.
• Every problem turns into a quarrel instead of trying to solve it.

You’re so tired of trying that you can’t bring yourself to keep doing it.

You live your lives without really knowing or caring what is happening to each of you.

• You have stopped communicating on important topics that bring you closer together.

5. Do you have different views on the future?

Do your plans to have children or not coincide? Maybe you have different religious and ethical principles? These issues should usually be discussed before marriage, but sometimes they come up after marriage and can really cause divorce.