Relationship Advice: 4 Reasons Why People Stay in Toxic Relationships In 2025
4 Reasons Why People Stay in Toxic Relationships Have you seen so many times how painful unhealthy relationships are that you have no idea why these people stay together? Or are you in a situation where you doubt the positivity of your own partnership but feel the need to stay despite knowing something is wrong? 4 Reasons Why People Stay in Toxic Relationships Unfortunately, people often stay in bad relationships no matter how obvious their flaws are. Here are four reasons why people stay in toxic relationships and how to get out of them.
1. INVESTMENT
Many people in relationships have invested heavily in the relationship, sometimes to the point that they can’t leave. Those who choose to stay in bad relationships have shared investments with their partners .
This includes:
- Home Sharing
- Having children together
- Intertwined financial situation
- Time and effort
- Resources
In these circumstances, the knowledge you have invested in the relationship may make you reluctant to let go of the relationship. People who have invested a lot of effort, time, and other resources are not ready to end such relationships quickly.
2. REFUSAL OF AVAILABLE ALTERNATIVES
When people think about ending a relationship, the first thing that comes to mind is the alternatives to communicating with that person. In some situations, the available options are less preferable than staying put. For example, someone may not leave if:
- Living outside of a relationship means losing the financial support of their partner, and they cannot make up for this loss with their work.
- Their partner is more likely to get custody of their children, and not being able to be with their children is a worse outcome than staying together.
- They have low self-esteem and believe they will never find anyone who loves or accepts them; research shows this is an important factor in maintaining relationships
3. LOVE
Unfortunately, emotions are often the driving force that makes people stay. Falling in love with a toxic person can mean ignoring their negative qualities, using positive thinking to deal with everyday struggles, and wanting to stay together simply because you love them.
What’s worse is that your emotions may override your rational thoughts. You may be cognitively aware of someone’s toxicity, but only have good feelings for them because of the love you have. You may even have negative feelings about your relationship and ignore them because of that positive spark of love.
4. VIOLENCE
Many people stay in relationships because of some form of abuse. Unfortunately, many victims are forced to remain silent or dismissed, and often end up being blamed for staying anyway. Here are examples of abuse that can keep someone in a toxic relationship:
EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Emotional abuse is often overlooked, but the act of destroying someone’s self-esteem through belittling, threatening, humiliating, or invalidating words can make someone feel like they shouldn’t leave. The person being manipulated in this way may believe that no one else can love them, or that they will never be able to find someone better.
PHYSICAL VIOLENCE
Physical abuse can make someone fear that they will hurt their partner if they leave. Many abusers engage in what is called “love bombing,” where they act especially nice to make up for the abuse they have committed. They can be charming at these times and convince someone not to leave.
FINANCIAL ABUSE
A partner who refuses to provide financial support to a partner who is unemployed or earns much less can lead to someone deciding to stay. This is especially true if they have no one to rely on financially.
1. REALIZE YOUR VALUE
Many people who are stuck in toxic relationships don’t realize that they don’t deserve that toxicity. No one should be trapped in a situation where they are abused or don’t receive healthy, positive love and affection.
You are worth more than what a toxic person makes you feel. You deserve to be in a happy, loving relationship with someone who would never hurt you or engage in unhealthy behavior on a regular basis. Remember, your toxic relationship is holding you back from many things. It can prevent you from finding better relationships, growing as a person, and even building a career. No relationship should do that.
2. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
To get out of a toxic relationship, you need to take more responsibility for your actions and your recovery. Sure, it makes sense to blame the other party, the person you find most toxic, for the state of your relationship. But ultimately, you need to stop pointing fingers and start focusing on yourself. To break free, you need to:
IDENTIFY YOUR PROBLEMS
If you’ve stayed in a toxic relationship for so long, figure out why. Were you drawn to this person because of past trauma with other toxic people? Are you the person with your own toxic traits that make you both like each other more? Did you like the idea of “fixing” them or the relationship? How did you contribute to the toxicity? Facing your issues will ensure that you learn from the relationship and don’t fall into the habit of continually dating the same people.
GET RID OF DENIAL
Many people make excuses for their toxic partners. “She’s just tired!” “He just had a rough childhood!” “They didn’t mean it, they’re good people at heart!” “We just love each other so much that emotions run high!” These excuses suggest that the person making them is in deep denial. Let’s face it: Your relationship is toxic, no ifs and/or buts. Coming out of denial allows you to see the relationship for what it is, and that burst of realism can be the rude awakening you need to break free.
MAKE YOUR CONTRIBUTION
When you finally leave, remember that you are now responsible for making smarter decisions. Don’t fall into negative, equally toxic habits . Don’t try to jump into a new relationship right away. Instead, work on yourself. Learn the lessons you need to learn, take advantage of what you lost or let go of because of the relationship, and keep practicing.
DO NOT BACK OFF FROM YOUR DECISION
You’ve decided to leave. Now stick to it and don’t look back. It’s okay to miss someone you’ve been with for a long time, and you may think about the good times and wonder if you should go back to them. Don’t. Focus on the toxic aspects of the relationship and remind yourself why you need to leave. If necessary, you can write these reasons down and review the list whenever you’re having a hard time staying away from your ex. Eventually, you’ll want to go back less and less.
3. DON’T WAIT FOR OTHERS TO CHANGE; CHANGE YOURSELF INSTEAD
Some people stay in toxic relationships because they feel like something will change. Their partner will finally listen to them, or they will finally convince their partner to transform a toxic part of them. This is all wishful thinking and very unhealthy.
First of all, no one should be in a relationship with the sole purpose of turning another person into someone they don’t want to be. That’s a pretty toxic foundation in itself! You can’t enter into a relationship with the desire to change other people, no matter how toxic they are. If you want to change something, you shouldn’t be in that relationship.
This doesn’t mean that mistakes can’t be made, that people can’t learn and change. Sure, your partner can fix themselves as they grow as a person. But if you’re sitting around hoping that a toxic person will change overnight within a year, you’re dead wrong.
Remember that there is only one person in this world you can control: yourself. Learn to recognize recurring patterns and control your response to them. You can decide that you want to leave, and you can decide that you are worth more than this endless waiting game. As for your partner, if they wanted to change, they would.
4. FIND SUPPORT.
Leaving a toxic relationship is not easy, but the good news is that you don’t have to do it alone. You can find support and help in many different forms and places, and you should reach out for that help. Don’t isolate yourself during this difficult time. Here are some ways to reach out for help:
TALK TO YOUR LOVED ONES
Those who care about you and who you trust can help you in your work to overcome what you have been through. Surround yourself with these wonderful, positive people in your life and trust them by opening up to them about aspects of the relationship that you have been afraid to talk about until now. They will help you move on and remind you to never look back.
FIND SUPPORT GROUPS
You are not alone. Many people are trying to leave toxic relationships, and some communities provide support. Being around people in your situation will give you the support of a group, and you can all motivate each other with positive thinking.
SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP
If you are having trouble moving on or find that your old relationship is tied up in a lot of trauma and pain, it may be worth reaching out to a professional. Counselors, therapists, and other mental health professionals are trained to listen impartially and help you take positive steps forward.
No one deserves to be in a toxic relationship. If you are trapped, seek help. If you know someone is trapped, offer help if you can. Although it may be difficult, it is always possible to escape a toxic relationship.
