Relationship Advice: 4 Danger Signs When Choosing a Partner That You Should Never Ignore
Relationship Advice: 4 Danger Signs When Choosing a Partner That You Should Never Ignore
4 Danger Signs When Choosing a Partner That You Should Never Ignore. Remember these dating warning signs once and for all! Don’t be an idiot when choosing a partner… I thought for a while about the title of this post. The wording may seem harsh, but when it comes to choosing a partner – I can’t find a more suitable alternative. And here’s why.
I’ve spent the last few years interviewing over 700 older adults about love, relationships, and marriage (which I describe in my book). I’ve tried to incorporate their advice into this study. Behind my back, I’ve heard the voices of wise elders shouting at the younger generation: “ Don’t be an idiot when choosing a partner! ” Time and again, when it comes to marriage, the older generation points to bad decisions that don’t lead to good relationships.
Old people believe that there is a set of signs that, if noticed, should lead to leaving the relationship. However, many people ignore these signs and still get married, and, as old people claim, they experience a terrible period or even a terrible life together, suffering from the consequences of their stupid decision.
Sifting through hundreds of responses, I learned that there are four warning signs that, once recognized, should make you reverse your decision to get married. Many people know these signs very well, but they hope that their partner will change, or that it won’t matter. The elders believe that such self-delusion is a huge mistake.
4 Dangerous Signs When Choosing a Partner. Please note: For those of you who are already in a relationship, these warnings still apply. These signs will help you decide if your marriage needs fixing or if it’s time to end it:
Warning Sign #1: Violence of any kind
Yes, this point is obvious. But I have to put it first because, despite warnings from researchers, doctors, and psychologists, people make this mistake with alarming frequency. They marry people who are violent toward them early in their relationships.
On this, the elders are unanimous: if your partner hits you or tries to harm you in other ways, run away from him. If this happens while you are dating, it will happen again in the marriage.
As Joanna, 84, says:
— Never, ever get involved with someone who physically abuses you for supposedly “looking for trouble.” They may say they will change, and you may think you will help them change, but it will not happen. I tried to change him, but it didn’t work… so I left. It doesn’t matter how many times these people tell you they are sorry and that they will never resort to violence again. You will see: it is not so.
I could spend a lot of time telling you about the mistakes that old people made when they married someone violent towards them, and what happened after marriage. But you’ve probably heard a lot of similar stories. And you can recognize this sign.
Warning Sign #2: Unexplained Outbursts of Angry Things While Dating
Old people believe that a huge warning sign is an explosive character when a person vents anger with or without reason. Such a person, according to the older generation, should be kept away from.
The most important thing to remember is that at first, these outbursts of anger may not be directed at you. As the old folks say, during courtship, people can keep their anger toward their future partner under control. So, you should carefully observe how your partner behaves toward other people and upsetting situations.
As Annette, 76, who was lucky enough to avoid an angry relationship, put it:
— I arranged to meet a man on the city subway and we missed the train because we were on the wrong side of the platform. He was so angry that when we were walking up the stairs, he started saying horrible things and threw a handful of change down. When that happened, I looked at the man and realized, “This is not the person I want to spend my life with.”
It doesn’t matter if it lasted only a minute. These situations are very telling. You can tell a lot about a person by how they react when they miss a plane lose their luggage, or find themselves without an umbrella in the pouring rain. If they just stand there cursing everything, think about whether you want to spend the rest of your life with a person with such habits.
In fiction or cinema, such a type can be attractive in its way. But, if the experience of more than one generation is to be believed, such a warning sign (uncontrolled anger towards something or someone) cannot be ignored.
Warning Sign #3: Lying in Big Things and Small Things
Everyone lies in small ways (for example, when answering the question, “Do these trousers make me look fat?”). But the elders urge you to be very attentive to those who lie constantly. Your partner’s dishonest attitude towards you can ruin everything.
As Pamela, 91, warns:
— When a person suddenly doesn’t show up at home. Lies about where they were, who they were with, and what they did. Suspicious phone calls. And things like that. Trust is a very fragile thing: once you lose it, it’s very difficult to restore it. You can try to forget about these things, but your suspicion will still be there.
The elders also suggest that you pay attention to even small patterns of deception in your potential partner’s behavior. Does he or she cheat on tests? Steal small items from work? Regularly lie to get out of trouble? The elders believe that these are warning signs that will eventually show up in your relationship.
Warning Sign #4: Sarcasm and Teasing
The problem with these two habits is that the person often says it is “for fun.” And when you get angry in response, you are accused of having no sense of humor. Old people advise to stay away from those who cannot contain their sarcasm and whose “teases” cross all boundaries.
Barbara, 70, split from her first husband after a few years of marriage because she sensed a dark side behind his sarcasm:
— Pay attention to behavior. Someone who persistently and consistently makes sarcastic and critical remarks about everything around them is most likely unable to function fully in the world around them. Most likely, they are insecure.
Margaret, 90, had to negotiate with her husband to stop teasing her. This is what she told me:
– Teasing is very dangerous. It is similar to bullying. Mocking behavior demeans the other person. Even if it is presented as a joke, such behavior is a warning sign because it devalues the other person’s personality.
Sometimes love and marriage seem incredibly complicated. But as the old folks say, there is one reason for it all: too many people make the wrong decision in choosing a partner and regret it for years to come. But by avoiding these four warning signs, you can make the right decision, the one that will increase your chances of a long and happy life together. These were the 4 Danger Signs When Choosing a Partner.
