A few days ago I read this undoubtedly realistic quote by Stephen K. Amos,
“Love is like a lost fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit.” and it is just echoing in my head.
It is so simple and so true.
However, most of us tend to force our relationships.
We get into this mess when our head leads us in one direction and our heart in another. Our thoughts are not in balance with our feelings.
When you give greater emphasis to one of them, you are forcing the relationship.
If the foundation of your relationship is based on your head mostly, you push your feelings aside. You are nurturing a relationship like this for many reasons.
One of the most usual ones may be that he is a great guy; he treats you right. You can’t imagine someone else going way over the top to please you and make you happy like he does. You are number one on his list of priorities. He is doing everything by the book.
If you ever fantasized about how your perfect relationship would look, it would be like this. He loves and adores you. But for some reason, you are not able to reciprocate those feelings.
You can rationalize as much as you want but when that special feeling isn’t there, you can’t create it. Love and chemistry are feelings you kind of fall into. They can’t be forced.
If the foundation of your relationship is based on your heart mostly, you might be in great denial.
When this happens, we tend to rationalize every wrong thing in our relationship with the words, I WILL LET THIS SLIDE BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!’
We are hoping that a bad relationship will turn good at some point. But the truth is it probably won’t. If your boyfriend is treating you badly, neglecting you, manipulating you and so on, the odds are that won’t change because you love him.
This is a deeper issue where you have to have a deep conversation with yourself and realize that chemistry and love aren’t enough if you are feeling miserable in other aspects of your relationship.
There is also a trap of long term relationships related to the heart issue. Your relationship isn’t really bad but not really good either. You are content to be somewhere in the middle. You get lazy and don’t want to fix things or you don’t want to change. After all, you invested so much time and energy
Along with this, the problem might be that you are scared to be alone or just too scared to start over. It isn’t easy but your fears aren’t the ones that should keep you in a relationship. That’s forcing it.
Don’t be lazy. Don’t settle. Don’t force things.
You will end up completely miserable at the end.
Find yourself a balance of heart and head. One side will always prevail, but nothing is supposed to be perfect.
And when you don’t know what to do, it is always advisable to follow your heart. But keep in mind: your heart can play tricks on you.
So, always keep in mind the words of Alfred Adler:
“Follow your heart but take your brain with you.”