I wish you were as strong as I am and that you had the guts to fight for me. I wish I wasn’t the only one trying and doing everything in my power to save what we were building for so many years. I think that deep down I knew that all this will fall apart and I just closed my eyes in front of all those obvious signs. I refused to believe that the love we once had was slowly fading away and that you didn’t love me madly and deeply like you did before. I didn’t want to accept the fact that I wasn’t your forever person.
I always thought that you were the man of my dreams. The one who will be there when life slaps me, when people disappoint me, when I can’t go on by myself anymore. But I was so wrong. You couldn’t even admit that you don’t love me anymore. You would just give me the silent treatment, telling me that we don’t have to talk and that you feel good enough if I just sit next to you. I was so stupid not to see all those signals in time. Maybe you were just showing me that you will soon break up with me or maybe you were thinking about another woman in your life.
And on the other hand, I tried to figure out what was happening to you, telling myself that you, just like me, have problems baggage from the past that is sometimes reminding you that things were bad once in your life. I just thought that you need some time alone and that your sleeping on the couch and not kissing me goodnight doesn’t mean anything. I thought that I was the only woman in your life and that I am damn special. I refused to believe that you are sick and tired of everything and that you don’t want me to be a part of your life anymore.
But the harsh truth was that all that time you were just thinking how to get rid of me. You no longer wanted to be with me and I couldn’t make you change your mind. I could only hope that you will figure out how much I did for you and that you don’t leave a woman in love just like that. I wanted you to see that I was willing to do anything for us to work because I loved you to the moon and back. But despite the fact that I was the one trying to save everything, you simply gave up on me.
You gave up on our life together, our future, our plans and our dreams. You gave up on a happy life with a woman who put you first—the woman to whom your happiness was more important than her own. And knowing that was breaking my heart. In those moments when I would stay alone, I would think about us, trying to figure out reasons why you had to do all of that to me. But no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t come up with valid reasons. I was just mad at myself for giving you the best years of my life while you gave me zero love.
You probably stayed with me because it was convenient for you at that time. You felt much better knowing that there is a woman who would do anything for you. And you didn’t feel remorse for taking advantage of me. You just kept doing what you started, letting me think that everything was fine.
So, now when you are no longer a part of my life, I decided that it is time to move on. I realized that I can’t live like this anymore. I wish that you fought for me harder but since you couldn’t even do that, I won’t think about it anymore. I will just leave the past where it belongs and start a new chapter of my life.
I will be my own reason for happiness and never allow any other man to control me like you did. I will finally be my own hero and stop expecting you to be one!
