I Need You To Figure Out What It Is That You Want From Me
Please, spare me those cheap phrases that you feel something towards me, but you are just not sure what it is. Feeling something is not enough. It’s a cheap phrase when you want somebody to fall for you, but without the need to take any responsibility or initiative because you never really promised anything to begin with.
It’s silly and naive to expect that I’ll wait for a lifetime until you figure out what it is that you want from me.
Waiting for someone is the worst feeling in this world and if you were ever the one waiting for someone to love you back, you’d know better than to let somebody go through the same thing. I don’t want to allow you to break me by waiting for you to decide that you want to try with me only to find out that you decide not to try with me. It would crush me. I’m not ready to give to anybody that much power over me—not even to the person I want so much.
I am not a narcissist nor do I want to force things here, so if you interpret all this in such a way, then you don’t know me that well after all.
The thing is, I love myself enough to take care of myself. And I wouldn’t be taking good care of myself if I didn’t ask you to make a decision. Do you want me or do you just want to play games with me? It’s really not that complicated.
If you want to play games, then I’m not the one you should do it with. I will never allow you to make a fool out of me. I will never allow you to play with my feelings. You won’t be able to convince me that you care for me or that you want me … and then go and be with some other girl. I am not that stupid to wait for someone to come to me after being with someone else. I will never accept to be the second option and you’ll never make me happy by giving me crumbs. It just won’t cut it.
I want love and I want someone who’s ready to acknowledge my values and accept I am worthy. I want someone to whom I will be enough; someone who’ll see me as worthy and who won’t ever make a fool out of me. I want somebody who’ll choose me every single day and who’ll be proud to have me next to him. I really think I deserve this. Any girl in this world deserves at least this much.
I think I deserve to be loved the right way because I’m more than ready to give my best to the person that loves me appropriately. When somebody invests in me, I give back double. The moment I see you choosing me, loving me for who I am and making me feel I’m more than enough for you, you’ll be the most loved person in this world. Because I go big or I go home. But I don’t gamble with my heart if I’m not sure I’m going to win.
I know any love is a risk, but giving my all to someone who doesn’t have the decency to chose me is ridiculous. I’m more than happy not to participate in that round.
If it’s true what you said, that you haven’t felt this way about anybody else, then do something about it. I know you feel like you’re a mess now and I know you have no idea what to do with that overwhelming feeling. But I won’t allow you to destroy me just because you don’t know what to do with me.
I’m sorry, but I’ve seen too much in my life and I don’t buy that story of things being complicated. Because I know that no matter how complicated things might seem, if you care enough, if you truly wanted this, you could make it work. “It’s complicated” is just an excuse for those people who aren’t ready to put their hearts on the line and truth to be told, I don’t want you if you’re too afraid to love me. I am not going to be the one convincing you I’m worthy.
Love should never feel this hard. If you want me in your life, put me there. I should not have to fight for a spot.
I want you to tell me exactly what those feelings are which you have for me. I don’t want to fly high just to get burned by the sun. I need you to make me stop doubt your feelings. I need you to be straightforward with what is going to happen with us. If we’re doing love, we’re either going to do it right, or we won’t do it at all.
I don’t like things half done, especially in love. So if you’re only half a man, if you’re gonna get scared and not work on it, if you don’t want to choose me but you want to keep me near, forget about it. I’d rather have my heart broken once by erasing you from my life than allowing you break it over and over again.
Nobody should ever feel hard to love. Nobody should ever feel like they’re not worthy and most definitely, a person that loves shouldn’t beg to be loved back.
If you think I’m worthy, choose me. If you want to try, let’s give it a shot. But don’t play games because I will get tired and I’ll walk away. I’ll give up on somebody who might’ve been mine, but you’ll lose something more valuable. You’re going to lose someone who was more than ready to be yours.