They say that love can conquer it all, but life has proved me otherwise one too many times. Love can’t conquer the feeling of betrayal that lingers when your loved one cheats on you. Love can’t wash away the bitter taste of pain that heartbreak leaves in your mind. And love can’t restore solid ground under your feet once you lose it. Only I can do that. My will to live, my determination and the choices I make.
But why do you make me feel like anything is possible? Why do you make me feel like love can actually conquer it all?
They say that it’s destiny and faith that brings you together with your other half but I never believed it. There is no such thing as faith or lifelong love. There is no such thing as happy endings and soulmates. At least I never got to see it. All I got to see were manipulations and toxic love. All I got to feel was the pain of never being good enough and the pain of seeing my loved one walking out of the door. So, I decided not to see it ever again. I decided to build walls so damn high that I never get to feel pain again.
But what’s so special about you that makes them tumble down? What’s so special about you that makes me believe in love again?
They say that love comes knocking on our door when we least expect it. They say that extraordinary kind of love is what makes your world shake to the core and knocks you off of your feet. And damn, this time they were right. This time I believed what they said because you proved to me that I can. You proved to me that it’s true. I never wanted to love again. I never wanted to give someone a chance to destroy me like I was destroyed before. I never wanted to let someone in, only to see that someone raid my heart and take away what they liked.
But I let you in. You were one choice I was happy to make. The one choice that made me excited and terrified at the same moment. And for once, it felt good. For once, fear felt amazing.
They say that love gives you everything you never knew you needed and shows you everything you never believed could happen. And you did the same for me. You showed me that someone can love you without breaking you. You showed me that someone can spoil me with loyalty and honesty, when I gave up on it long ago. You showed me how it feels to be loved and how it feels to know that I’m the only one for you. How it feels to go to bed knowing that I’ll wake up next to you, without wondering whether you love me.
You showed me that love is not supposed to hurt. Yes, it’s hard. It takes fucking effort to make it work. But we’re fighting and trying together. We’re loving and believing together.
They say that for love it takes two and finally I know how it feels. Finally, I have the love they talk about so much. Not the movie kind of love or the love books are written about. But I have our love. Our kind of commitment and our kind of passion. I have shirts that smell of you, shirts that I sleep in. I have our photos and framed happiness that puts a smile on my face every time I look at them. I have memories and every single day we create new ones. And for once, I don’t have to remember the times when we had it all, because we still do. And we always will.
You showed me what it’s like to get out of my comfort zone and that it’s worth it. You are worth it.
I was always the one to take risks when it came to my career and my life. But love was never one of them. That was the lesson I learned the hard way and I had no intention of repeating it. I had no intention of doing it all over again. Letting my guard down, giving away my trust to see it played. Giving away chances for someone who never gave me even one to begin with. I was always the one who had no problem in risking it all for an adventure. But you were one adventure I never saw coming. One adventure that stripped me naked and left me out in the open for everyone to see my wounds and scars. But you still loved them. You still kissed them.
I don’t believe in soulmates and happily ever afters. I don’t believe in fairytales and that movie kind of love. But I want to believe in us. I want to believe in you.
I want to believe that we can make it. I want you to be the one choice I will make every single morning when I open my eyes. I want your heartbeat to be the last thing I’ll hear before I fall asleep. And I want your arms around my waist to be the only arms I’ll ever feel on me again. And I want you to choose me, too. I want to be everything you ever wanted and needed. So, this is my promise to you. I may not believe in love and soulmates, but I believe in us. I believe in you. And I always will.