Whenever I think of you and everything that has happened between us, I wonder if there was something else I could have done to keep you by my side. I ask myself if I could’ve fought harder and if I could’ve tried something else.
Sometimes, I feel like I let you go too easily. I feel like I should’ve held onto you just a little bit longer.
Sometimes, I feel that I could’ve saved you from yourself if I had stuck with you for a little longer and if I hadn’t got tired of you and everything you were doing to me. I feel like I could’ve helped you more through life, if you had my hand to lead you.
Sometimes, I think I was a coward for not fighting harder. I think I was weak for not being able to keep you with me. Although you were the one who walked away from me, there are times when I blame myself for letting you and for the end of our relationship.
Sometimes, I wonder why I wasn’t enough for you. Was there anything I could have done to make you stay? Should I have been a better girlfriend or a better person? Should I have loved you more?
And then, reality hits me.
Then, I remember all the sacrifices I made for you and for the sake of our relationship. I remember how much effort I put into us, while you did nothing.
I remember all the times you let me go without ever chasing me, without ever showing me that I mattered to you.
I remember all the times you left me without saying a word and all the times I begged you to come back. I remember all the times I waited patiently for you and all the times I took you back, even though you rarely deserved it.
I remember all the years I spent waiting for you to change, to become a better man. All the years I spent waiting for you to come to your senses and waiting for you to start treating me right. All the years I pushed you forward, while you were only holding me back.
I remember how I always put you first, while I was at the bottom of your priority list. I remember how I had your back, while no one else did. I was the only person who never left your side, even when you treated me like shit. But, despite that, you always chose others over me. You knew you could count on me, so you thought you shouldn’t have to put any effort into our relationship.
I remember how I was the only one trying to make this relationship work.How I was ready to move mountains for you and you never wanted to lift a finger for the benefit of our relationship. How I did all the work, while you just laid back.
I remember all the things I’d forgiven you for and all the times I tried to justify you to myself and in front of others.
I remember all the chances I gave you. Even when you lied to my face, when you cheated on me, when you mistreated me, when you tried to control me, when you didn’t give me enough attention and love, I was still there to take you back.
I remember all the promises you gave me, which you never fulfilled. And I remember how I believed all of them, even though deep down I knew those were just empty words. But despite that, I always hoped you’d change and that you’d become the person you always promised to be.
I remember all the humiliation I’d been through because of you. I remember how I allowed you to put me down and to act like you were above me. I remember how hard you tried to ruin my self-esteem and to make me insecure. I remember how I felt like I had no value because of you and because I let you treat me the way you did.
But most of all, I remember how I loved you. And how that love wasn’t enough for you to make you stay.
And then I realize that there was nothing else for me to do. I did everything in my power. But even that wasn’t enough. And it’s about time I finally accept it.