Opposites might attract in the initial days of a romance, but as the weeks and months go by, if it becomes apparent that you and your partner are as alike as a squirrel and a potato, then chances are big that the two of you won’t last together for too long.
It’s because love is not just about the intense passion that leaves a burn in your veins and a sigh in your heart. It’s also about building a family together, helping each other achieve your individual goals in life, and finding the middle ground during your conflicts in such a manner that it does not compromise on the values and principles of one or the both of you.
That’s why they say that couples who grow together, stay together. How can you not when both of you are on the same page on practically everything in your relationship?
So here are 15 signs of incompatibility that cause relationships to end badly. Some are important but not completely destructive, like differences in your individual senses of humor and fighting styles, while others are deeper and more life-encompassing, like differences in priorities and the way you handle money.
Have you noticed any of these in your relationship?
You Both Have Different Takes On What To Do With Your Money
People can say “money can’t buy you happiness” all they want, but you can’t deny that money facilitates a lot of important things in life that ultimately bring us happiness, like paying our college fees, enabling us to live in a comfortable condo, and allowing us to extravagantly spend on trips to exotic locations around the world.
No wonder money is a serious bone of contention in relationships.
In fact, according to a research conducted by the dating site, Elite Singles, 79 perfect of men and 70 percent of women think it’s better to be in a relationship with a sensible saver than a lavish spender. So it doesn’t take a big leap to understand why money and how each partner handles their finances can be one of the biggest causes of breakups in the history of romantic relationships.
After all, would you really choose to stay with your partner when you find out that he has dipped into your “rainy days” fund without your permission to pay for an extravagant gambling bonanza in Vegas and lost all of it? Or he is unwilling to let you finance your business with your joint savings because he is a miser?
We don’t think so.
Your Senses Of Humor Are Incompatible
Let’s face it, different people find different things funny. It’s a matter of personal taste born from the kind of environments we grew up in and the people we interacted with over the years. That’s why it’s foolish to debate whether your sense of humor is better than someone else’s or not. Both of you will think yours is the better one and the debate will never end!
And while we don’t mind being friends with people whose sense of humor differs from our own (unless we find that particular brand super offensive), it can be a serious deal-breaker in romantic relationships.
Why? Because humor helps you connect with your partner. It gives you meat for future conversations and reminiscing sessions. And it adds an element of fun to your interactions, which makes both of you like each other even more.
That’s why if you and your partner have different senses of humor, it can put a serious wedge between the two of you. How can it not when one of you is the king of sarcasm while the other thinks sarcastic comments are mean, offensive, and cold?
Nevertheless, this basic difference doesn’t have to be the beginning of the end for your relationship if you are willing to discuss what of kind of jokes each of you are comfortable with in conversations and are okay with having fun in other ways if you can’t agree on anything.
Morning Lark Vs. Night Owl: Your Internal Clocks Run Differently
Imagine this: you are a night owl who wakes up when the sun is considerably high in the sky and goes to bed when the night sky is almost giving way to dawn, while your partner is the exact opposite. He wakes up at the crack of dawn and can’t keep his eyes open beyond 10 o’clock at night. How will the two of you ever find time to have fun together, have late nights out, or go on early-morning hikes?
It’s a serious problem. When you will be up for some hanky-panky fun, he might be too tired for it. And when he wants to have some of it, you might be snoring next to him until it’s time for him to leave for work.
The two of you might as well be living in two different parts of the world, the way your schedules are stacked up!
Nevertheless, this incompatibility of internal clocks does not have to be a real deal breaker if both of you are willing to compromise in turns with the help of some double-shot expresso. Or are okay with going on romantic dates and activities during the afternoon or early evening when both of you are wide awake.
Your Priorities In Life Are Not The Same
There are two parts to this incompatibility equation. Let us break it down for you.
If you put a high premium on your career and work in life while your partner prioritizes family above all else, you have a basic incompatibility with respect to your priorities in life, which will eventually tear the two of you apart.
And this criteria includes everything from priorities regarding values to beliefs. For example, can you imagine being with a pathological liar if you are an honest individual with strong ethics? Or being in a relationship with someone who wants to marry and have children one day if you don’t believe in bringing societal and legal constraints into your relationship?
That’s why it’s critical to choose a partner whose priorities match yours if you want your relationship to last a lifetime. But there’s a catch – the way you express your priorities also matters a lot.
That means, if you and your partner both prioritize family but one of you expresses it by scheduling family time with parents and cousins every other weekend while the other would rather just talk to them over the phone and meet once every six months, the two of you have a basic incompatibility at the level of expressing your priorities and thus, might not last too long together.
Your Relaxation Styles Are Mismatched
This one isn’t a big deal breaker but it’s an important factor in basic compatibility, nevertheless. After all, can you imagine being in a relationship with someone whose idea of relaxation is sleeping for ten hours straight on off days when you would rather explore interesting neighborhoods in your city?
It’s a serious cause for concern because if the two of you can’t agree on what is considered the perfect way of relaxing on holidays, you probably won’t have too many opportunities to bond with each other when you are both fresh and active.
And this problem seems to plague those relationships the most where one partner is an extrovert and the other an introvert.
It’s a basic mismatch of personalities where one becomes more energetic when they are around too many people while the other seems to lose energy because of it.
Nevertheless, having mismatched relaxation styles don’t have to spell out doom for your relationship if the two of you are willing to compromise in turns, like choosing to stay indoors and reading books one weekend and exploring the countryside the next. In fact, this basic willingness to meet each other halfway can strengthen your bond because it shows each of you that the other is invested enough in your relationship to be willing to go out of their comfort zone for you.
You Both Have Different Priorities When It Comes To Your Health
Let’s face it, the rate at which diabetes and heart disease are rising around the world is alarming! And it all boils down to the fact that we are living in a century where food that is cheap and abundant is unhealthy and most professions require you to sit at a desk for eight hours a day until it’s time to go home.
That’s why, from a purely health perspective, the world at present is divided into two groups – those who believe in working out and eating healthy because they want to keep their bodies healthy and disease-free, and those who think it’s okay to indulge in all the good things in life and embrace yourself the way you are because life’s short (literally) and they would rather have fun than think about the consequences of their lifestyle choices.
Can you see why it would be a problem if these two polar opposite individuals were to get together in a relationship?
Nevertheless, this incompatibility doesn’t have to be a serious deal breaker if both the partners are willing to meet each other halfway. For example, the one who indulges can agree to balance out their love for food by working out regularly, and the other can agree to loosen up a little on cheat days and enjoy rich food in small quantities to give their partner company without harming their health.
You Can’t Agree Whether The Glass Is Half Full Or Half Empty
Imagine this: you were let go from your work a week ago because of a global economic crisis. And while it came as a shock at the moment and filled you up with anxiety for your future, now that you have had time to reflect and acclimatize to the fact, you know that times might be tough but you will still be alright in the end if you keep taking conscious action every day.
Unfortunately, your partner doesn’t feel that way and so can’t stop complaining about the situation or saying that you are done forever.
Would you stick around with this person for too long if your basic outlook on life is optimistic while all they know how to do is be pessimistic, which indirectly pours water all over your sunshine? We don’t think so.
And this problem isn’t just restricted to optimism and pessimism.
If you are a hyper-realistic individual with the right balance of optimism and cynicism while your partner prefers to ignore reality and wear rose-colored glasses all the time, the two of you will get frustrated with each other quite soon, which will drive a wedge between the two of you.
That’s why it’s very important to choose someone who has the same outlook on life as you if you want to be together for a lifetime.
Growth Vs. Stasis: You Don’t Have The Same Mindset
People all around the world can be divided into two groups based on their mindset – growth-oriented and stasis-oriented. And when these polar opposite individuals end up in a relationship, they usually break it off before long. Here’s why.
An individual with a growth mindset knows that human beings grow throughout life because the human brain is plastic in nature with the ability to learn new things and form new neural pathways until death. And so they are not perturbed by nasty experiences in life. Instead, they see these experiences as life lessons and become better at dealing with life.
An individual with a stasis mindset is the opposite. They believe human beings learn as much as they can until a certain age (usually teenage), and then you cannot make the old dog learn new tricks. That’s why when they are faced with tough experiences in life, they usually fail to adapt and save themselves and continue complaining like victims of fate.
Can you see why these two individuals can never be in a relationship for too long?
It’s because they don’t operate on the same wavelength and so, sooner or later, will choose to part ways because they just don’t understand why the other thinks the way they do.
You Express Emotions Differently
Trust might be the bedrock of all relationships, but emotions have the ability to chip away or bolster it. And it all depends on how both the partners choose to express their emotions.
Take, for example, a couple where one hates expressing their emotions while the other is a moody ball of every emotion on this planet.
These two will find it difficult to navigate the relationship day by day because they will judge each other’s expression as abnormal. The emotionally repressed individual might intentionally ignore their partner if the other becomes too emotional during a conflict, thus conveying that their emotions don’t matter, while the more emotional individual might think the emotionally-repressed partner is running away from their basic human nature, causing them to rant about it nonstop.
That’s why, if both the partners express their emotions in a similar manner (both are either passionate or reserved), their chances of being together for a long time increases substantially.
Nevertheless, a mismatched style of emotional expression doesn’t have to be a serious deal breaker if both partners are willing to understand why each expresses emotions the way they do and what both can do to facilitate smoother communication during conflicts.
You Can’t Agree On Which Is Better: Giving Each Other Space Or Strengthening Your Bond With Constant Closeness
Ah! The classic relationship dilemma. To give space or not to give space. And it all boils down to the preference of each individual in the relationship.
That’s why a basic incompatibility in this arena is often a big reason why some couples choose to part way, or why one individual decides to ghost on the other. Let us break it down for you.
Some people can’t imagine being away from their partner for even a single minute. And while work and other commitments can separate the two from time to time, they know exactly what they would do once the work is done — go back home to their partner and relax with them. In fact, they often stop paying attention to the other relationships in their life — like the one with their friends and family — once they become a committed pair. they become a committed pair.
But that’s not the case for the people who enjoy solitude. These people don’t mind being in a relationship and getting close to someone, but they cannot survive without taking time-outs for themselves every now and then just so they can recharge and recuperate alone.
Can you see why putting these two individuals together in a relationship would become a problem down the line? They would keep arguing about whether space is good for their relationship or whether constant companionship is better.
And this will eventually drive them apart.
Your Intelligence Levels Are Not The Same
Yes, this is a serious bone of contention in relationships. And it is determined by three parameters.
Number one: your basic curiosity in life.
People who are intrinsically curious to learn and acquire new life skills will never be happy in a relationship with someone who is perfectly content where they are at in life. They will find the other’s attitude lackadaisical and their viewpoint of life narrow, which will often show up as contempt during arguments.
Number two: your emotional intelligence.
If one partner has high emotional intelligence – they have strong social skills, empathy, self-awareness, self-regulation, and motivation – while the other is on the other end of the spectrum, the two will find it extremely difficult to communicate with each other.
And we all know how important communication is in any relationship.
And number three: your highest level of education.
While this is not always a marker of intelligence (Steve Jobs was a college dropout), if your communication style is that of a college-educated person while your partner still talks like a high school kid, you probably will not last too long with each other.
That’s why they say there can never be love between intelligence and stupid.
You Both Have Different Ideas Regarding Spirituality
Religion is a touchy topic for most of us. If we have a specific faith, we tend to become quite aggressive if someone tries to tell us that our faith is wrong and that we are foolish for believing such things. And if we happen to be an atheist, we tend to look down upon those who have a specific faith because we only believe in what science can quantify.
That’s why if you and your partner have different ideas regarding spirituality, the two of you will soon find yourself embroiled in serious arguments every other day until one or both of you pulls the plug on the relationship.
After all, how can you live together if you ridicule each other’s beliefs?
And this basic incompatibility isn’t restricted to having or not having faith. You can even find it difficult to stay together if both of you belong to different faiths or different sects of the same religion.
In fact, research has shown that while 66% people actively choose not to discuss religion or faith when dating someone, in the long run, it can lead to serious problems in the relationship when you realize the two of you are not on the same page when it comes to your beliefs.
You Can’t Agree Whether To Have Children Or Not
“Children are really cute…until they are yours” might sound like a humorous catchphrase but it has a grain of truth in it. After all, raising children is not an easy task.
If you aren’t getting bags under your eyes from constantly running around them and getting them to eat their veggies, you are worrying yourself sick about their future and how you will pay for their education and upbringing without going bankrupt. And that’s not even taking into consideration those golden social-media-friendly years when all they seem to do is barf, poop, and pee every three seconds.
No wonder a lot of people genuinely don’t want children even though they aren’t averse to being in a committed relationship.
They just feel they are not cut out for all the running around and the responsibility.
That’s why it’s very important to make sure you and your partner are on the same page regarding children before the two of you take your relationship to the next level. Because if you don’t, you might find yourself deeply in love with someone who would never fulfill your desire to have children one day.
And while you are at it, make sure you have similar views on child-rearing too. Because no one wants to become a parent and then realize they will never have a say in how their children are raised.
Your Fighting Styles Are Incompatible
Relationships are not always fun and games. They might be in the beginning, but that’s because you are still getting to know the other person and so are always on your best behavior. It’s only when you have been with someone for some time that you get to see the unsavory parts of their personality.
And we all know what happens once we realize we are with someone who is as imperfectly human as we are. We get embroiled in ugly fights.
No wonder we fight the most with the people we are the closest to!
That’s why it’s crucial for both partners to have similar fighting styles if they hope to stay together. After all, it’s really difficult to find a middle ground and ease a conflict if one partner tends to stonewall the other while the other is trying to engage them in a healthy discussion about what ticked off each of them in the given situation.
So if you are a passionate fighter who loves breaking vases and plates in a fit of anger and then making up with your partner in a similarly dramatic fashion, you will fare well in a relationship with someone who is just as passionate as you when they fight. And the same goes for someone who prefers pulling away during a fight and then discussing the matter once they have calmed down enough to speak rationally.
Your Interests Are Different
And we come back a full circle from where we started – opposites do not attract — because the truth is, if you and your partner are as different as a squirrel from a potato, you will not last together for too long.
After all, how are you going to deepen your bond with partner activities if neither of you thinks the other has got a good taste and interesting hobbies? You will just keep bickering about the time he took you out for a football game on your anniversary even though you have zero interest in football, and the time you forced him to accompany you to Hawaii even though he hates traveling.
From conversation topics you find interesting to the books and movies you enjoy, a mismatch in interests can really take a toll on a relationship unless you both love learning new things and so enthusiastically embrace the interests of one another.
And since that happens only in rare cases, it’s best to find someone who matches your wavelength and then getting together with him rather than wasting many months or years together only to realize in the end that the only thing you did during your relationship was fight and argue.