When you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, nobody knows about it unless you tell them. The scars are just in your heart and your soul and if you are a good actress, people will think that you are the happiest person alive. But deep down only you will know what it feels like to be controlled, gaslighted, manipulated and put down by someone who is supposed to love you. Once you go through all that, you will be careful every single time you fall in love again. You will be able to love but this time you will love differently. And this is how it looks.

1. You will take it slow

Once in your life, you were abused by the man who was supposed to love you. The one who promised you the moon and stars but all you got were bruises and long-term scars on your heart. Your man left you broken after he totally drained the soul out of you. So every time that you feel you are ready to love again, you will be extra careful.

You will always want to take it slow because you need some time to get to know the person you are dating and you need to check if he has any symptoms of an abuser. Once you are sure that you can give yourself all in, you can try again and I hope this time it will be a love that will last forever.

2. You will be suspicious

You already heard all those sweet words and you bought them then but this time you won’t make the same mistake again. This time you will overanalyze every sentence that comes from each person’s mouth and once you realize that you are safe, you will be able to trust those people. You are suspicious because a man who you called yours deceived you and treated you badly. Please bear in mind that it is okay to feel this way and if others can’t understand that, it is just their own problem.

3. You won’t be optimistic anymore

And you have every right to feel that way. You have that constant feeling that something will get worse even if deep down you wish only the best for yourself. Just because of those nasty things that happened to you, you somehow feel that you will be hurt again or that things won’t last. But once you feel that you can finally trust people, you will be optimistic about your life again. Just like everything else, emotional abuse needs some time to heal.

4. You will feel unworthy

There are a lot of women out there who think that they are not worthy just because they survived domestic violence. Please, don’t let this chapter of your life mark you. You are special and unique just the way you are and never let anyone convince you of the opposite. You deserve to be loved and cherished and it is just a matter of time until the right man will knock at your door.

5. You will catch yourself struggling in bed

It is not an easy thing to be intimate with someone after surviving domestic violence. The second you start undressing, you will see flashbacks that will remind you of a horrible experience that you had with your ex. Therefore you won’t be able to relax and in some moments you will be overwhelmed and you will start crying. All of these things are normal for someone who went to hell and back but you have every right to express your emotions. Cry if you need because you will finally let go of those toxins from your body. Find ways to heal and do things step by step.

6. You will need security

Women who survived domestic violence know what I am talking about. If you have ever been in a situation where your partner nearly beat you to death in the middle of the night while your kids were crying in the other room and calling your name, you probably don’t feel secure. Because of that, you want to have someone who will make you feel safe and who will be your oasis of peace. A man like that will be a blessing and all that you have been dreaming about. With him, you will find that security you were craving for so long and you will finally give yourself all in.

7. You will want to sabotage your new relationship

This can happen because you are frightened that things will be just like they were in your last relationship. There is that constant feeling that something might go wrong and that you won’t get the happiness that you deserve. Sometimes you will do this by your actions but you won’t even be aware of doing so. So, my advice is to just take it slow and give yourself another shot. Just because you had one rough experience it doesn’t mean that all those others will be the same.

8. You will be able to love again but this time it will be differently

A woman who was a victim of domestic violence needs love. She needs a safe harbor and a man to whom she will be like the apple of his eye. If you really want to try with her, don’t lead her on and don’t make stupid excuses for all those times when you blow up. After you find out how bad her past was, you can at least provide her with the love and happiness that she really deserves.