6 Signs A Woman Has Put Up With Too Much For Too Long And Has Checked Out Of Her Relationship

In my experience, very few people set out to ruin a relationship. Whether an affair, financial betrayal or simply giving up, nobody plans to break a partner’s trust and risk something that once was great. But when things go wrong or they are mistreated for too long, a woman is much more likely to blow her relationship up.

1. She says she’s lonely

If there is one thing that makes a woman vulnerable to having an affair or otherwise blowing things up, it is loneliness.

Human beings are meant to have relationships, both platonic and romantic. When they don’t have social connections, they can become desperate to find one. This is the case with many online trolls; they are lonely, and their only connection is the internet.

There are many reasons someone is lonely.

Emotional abandonment of a spouse.
They spend too much time focused on work, and friendships have fallen by the wayside.
They are shy and have a hard time making friends.
Whatever the reason, loneliness can make a woman vulnerable to infidelity, as shown by a study in Current Opinion in Psychology. Even if she doesn’t cheat, she may start looking for someone else who can meet her needs.

If you’re her partner, ask yourself this: Have you abandoned her emotionally? Are you too busy? Are you keeping secrets of your own?

2. She is bored, bored, bored

If you have kids, you know when they are most likely to cause trouble: when they are bored. When they have nothing to do and are looking for a little excitement. When it’s not readily available, they can make wrong choices to cause drama and therefore excitement.

It’s the same thing with adults. If we are bored, we can get ourselves in trouble.

We snack because there is nothing else to do.
Watch too much TV.
Spend too much time scrolling.
Whatever we do to fill the boredom, we do things that aren’t necessarily good for us.

A client of mine lost her husband to cancer. She had always been the stay-at-home parent, and he was a huge part of her life. When he was gone, the space was empty. Instead of having him to care for, she had nothing but space. The space she finally filled by having an affair with a married man.

She was no longer bored, but she was unhappy. She may not have blown up her own marriage, but she could’ve blown up his — and she only ended up more miserable in the end.

If you’re her partner, ask yourself this: Have you kept her interested? Have you offered up adventure — indoors and out? Are you asking interesting questions and having interesting conversations?

3. She feels hopeless

Other than heartbreak, the worst feeling in the world is being hopeless. For those of you who struggle with depression, you know what I am talking about.

When we are depressed, we have no hope for the future. We feel horrible about ourselves and the world around us. We might act out and try to make others unhappy. Or we might isolate ourselves, not being able to tolerate the presence of others.

When we are depressed, we will find virtually anything we can to ease our depression. Often, that distraction looks like drama in many forms.

I have a client who was struggling with depression in a big way. She felt alone and hopeless. One day, she started talking to a man at work who was depressed as well. For the first time in a long time, she felt understood. This mutual confession joined my client and her friend. Before they knew it, they were in love and having an affair.

Even if you think she’d never have an affair, she may pick fights or start drama just to get your attention or perk up her dopamine.

If you’re her partner, ask yourself this: Are you a light spot in her day, or are you disappointed by her mood? Does she feel a need to care for you instead of herself? When was the last time you gave her something to feel hopeful about?

4. She has low self-esteem

Anyone who is struggling with low self-esteem can struggle to make good choices. They may also lash out and be unkind, projecting their own unhappiness onto people close to them.

Or maybe their partner is contributing to their low self-esteem.

Someone who doesn’t feel good about themselves has no faith in themselves. They feel like they are losers whom no one will ever find attractive. They believe they will be alone forever — or stuck with someone who doesn’t truly care or value them. They believe they will never be happy because they are the kind of person no one would ever want.

As a result, someone with low self-esteem would be very vulnerable to having an affair. It makes sense. Imagine if you felt really bad about yourself, how you look, and who you are in the world. Then, along comes someone who wants to be with you. Who admires you and lets you know it. The feeling would be amazing and one you would want as much as you can.

If you are her partner, ask yourself this: Do I use extreme phrasing while arguing, like “You always say X” or “You never do Y,” even when you know it’s not “always”? Do you snap and say mean or cruel things when you’re angry? Have you had an affair or commented on other women in ways that might make her feel badly about herself? Even if you apologize, those things are likely to stay with her.

5. She seems to be looking for compliments
Couple is walking down the street; woman has put up with too much and wants compliments PeopleImages.com – Yuri A via Shutterstock

Many women want to feel admired and be told they are beautiful, smart, kind, funny, etc. Many women, especially married women, don’t feel admired; they might even feel completely ignored.

Marriage and relationships often lead to complacency, where people no longer make the effort so their person feels loved and admired. A partner might believe they don’t need to tell their partner how they feel because the person knows. Or, they just don’t feel admiration because of unresolved issues in the relationship.

If you are her partner, ask yourself this: Consider whether she may be feeling ignored. If yes, she may be receptive to admiration elsewhere or finding other sources of self-esteem that don’t help the relationship.

6. They are experiencing trauma

Trauma comes in all different shapes and sizes. It can be the death of a parent, the loss of a dream job, a divorce, or the loss of a pet. Whatever the reason, trauma can shake up one’s life, and getting through it can be very difficult.

I had a client who was taking care of her mother as she slowly died from cancer. She was consumed with taking care of her mother while watching her suffer. Her feelings were completely overwhelming.

When the parent of one of her son’s school friends reached out because he had experienced the same thing, she immediately connected with him. Not only did he understand what she was going through, he was proof you could come out the other side of grief intact.

A study in the Journal of Family Psychology can help explain the emotional reason she may have been vulnerable. She needed support; she needed to manage her mom’s cancer, and, before she knew it, they were in love and having an affair. Unfortunately, while the affair helped ease her pain, with time, it only made things worse.

If you are her partner, ask yourself this: Have you stepped up even more while she’s been going through her trauma or upsetting experience, or are you overwhelmed by her needs when she’s struggling? If you have checked out, remember that she needs you to be at your best. If you need to seek advice from a therapist, clergy or coach, do it now instead of waiting for her to do something that blows up your relationship.