This is for all the girls out there, nervously waiting by their phone, hoping to get a text from him saying he wants you back but knowing it’s highly unlikely to happen.
Relax. I know how uneasy you must be feeling right now and how draining it must be to keep replaying the relationship in your head, wondering what went wrong. Wondering if maybe it was something you did. Or simply taking on too much too soon.
Give yourself a break. It is not uncommon to be feeling this way and to be consumed by the destructive fear of having to start all overagain, not even knowing what went wrong the first time around.
In order not to burden yourself with these toxic thoughts in your head, which are stopping you from moving on, here are 5 helpful ways to help yourself heal and get some closure:
1. Stop focusing on the break-up and trying to fix yourself immediately after he leaves
There’s this nagging feeling in your head now that you need to focus on getting over him and distract yourself with as many things as possible in order to achieve that.
Don’t take on that much, that soon. The worst part has passed, it’s over. He left you and you survived. Now, give yourself time to find yourself again outside of the relationship. Take it day by day. It won’t happen overnight but you will start finding yourself again.
Now is the perfect time to focus on the things you love. Hang out with your girlfriends, go work out, take a long walk by yourself or read a good, inspiring book. Step by step, you will start regaining your old routine and start seeing that you can get through this.
2. Stop telling yourself that the people you love will judge you for this
After every break-up, I start thinking to myself that all of my friends and, most of all, my parents, will somehow think less of me now. I will be a disappointment for not being able to keep a guy or for chasing him away.
This is wrong. Most probably, they have gone through the same thing at one point and they will be your shoulder to cry on whenever you’re in need of one. Your loved ones don’t care about these things, all they want is to see you happy and fulfilled. They will be your support system throughout this ordeal and you can let yourself be vulnerable around them without judgment.
3. Stop telling yourself that it was something YOU did
It takes two to tango. A relationship cannot work if both parties are unwilling to make an effort. You need to stop telling yourself that you somehow ruined it and chased away your person. If it was so easy for him to let go, surely that is not the case.
You are only human. If there is something about you he didn’t like, that is normal. You can’t please everyone, we are all wired differently. The whole point is to find some common ground and accept the other person for who they are.
So, if you weren’t good enough for him, trust me, he’s not the guy for you. When you find your person, he won’t try to change you in any way, shape or form. He will love you BECAUSE of all your quirks.
4. Stop telling yourself that you are alone now and that your life is meaningless without him
First of all, you are most definitely not alone. You have your family, your friends and the possibility of meeting someone new who will sweep you off your feet! You finally have time to spend on all your hobbies that you may have neglected during your relationship.
You can finally take a spontaneous trip without telling anyone and go wherever you want. Go alone or take your bestie and recharge your batteries. You will feel like a new person when you get back to reality and it will help you see that there are other things you love about yourself, outside of the relationship.
5. Stop thinking that you will never find someone better than him ever again
Firstly, you will and you SHOULD. If he was that good for you, wouldn’t he still be by your side?
You need to make a list of all the things that bugged you about him and all the ways he made you feel like you weren’t good enough. This will make you see how toxic he really was!
When you see all of his flaws listed on a piece of paper, one after another, you will start feeling relieved that he’s finally out of your life.
And just like that, the process of healing will be well on its way and you will realize, yet again, that you are doing perfectly fine without him.