I know you want to scream at him and demand him to tell you why he’s been such an asshole. I know you feel confused and frustrated because you don’t know why he never texts you first but always responds when you text him. And you have every right to feel this way.
You have every right to ask yourself: WHY THE FUCK DOESN’T HE TEXT ME FIRST?! Is he trying to play some mind games with me or he’s interested but is not that into texting? Or he’s not interested, but he’s just trying to be polite?
But before jumping to conclusions, there are other things to be considered first.
First of all, think of the status the two of you have. Are you in a relationship with him and he’s been the one texting you first all the time when all of a sudden he stopped doing so? Have you just met the guy, and you keep texting him first hoping that this will change with time?
If you’re in a relationship and he stops texting you first, this could be a potential red flag. But, pay attention to the context and other details as well because that will give you a better insight into what is going on with him. Don’t think that he doesn’t like you anymore. No. It’s far more complicated than that.
A guy in a relationship will stop texting you first when something bothers him. There are internal and external factors that could be the culprits for such behavior. Internal factors are linked with your relationship, and the best thing to do is to rewind all of the past events and try to find something unusual about his behavior towards you.
If you’re not sure, you could ask his friends to help you with this, but be careful not to overdo it because that way, you’ll drive him mad instead of fixing the issue. External factors are linked with all of the other elements outside your relationship (his job, family, friends, hobbies, etc.).
How will you know which one is it? In order to differentiate external from internal, you have to pay attention to his current behavior towards you, body language, if he’s frustrated over something specific and so on. It’s easy to recognize if he’s holding grudges against you and subtly ignores you by not texting you first because men are really bad at hiding how they really feel about you.
But, there’s one thing they are good at. And that is—ignoring telling you when something bothers them. When they’re distressed about something that happened at their work or in their family, the first thing they do is to hide in their man cave. By telling you what bothers them, they are afraid that they will appear vulnerable in front of you.
That is why they lose themselves in all of this and forget to behave as they did before this struck them. They forget to text you first, but when you text them, they will act like everything’s perfect in their life because they don’t want you to worry about them. I know it sounds frustrating and unfair, but that’s just how men work.
Another similar type of scenario is when you’ve just met the guy, you keep texting him first, and he keeps replying with nice, encouraging texts, but deep down in your soul, you know something’s wrong with him because he never texts you first. You really like that guy, and that is why you try to justify his behavior, but sometimes his nice replying has nothing to do with what you might think.
12 REASONS HE NEVER TEXTS YOU FIRST (BUT ALWAYS RESPONDS WHEN YOU TEXT HIM)
1. He has other priorities at the moment
This one means he’s interested in you, but he has some other priorities at the moment and after he’s done with them, he will get back to you. Other priorities include: his job, family, pet, friends or things like that. The most confusing part is that he won’t tell you what is going on in his life because he doesn’t want you to worry about him.
That is why he will keep replying to you and will never make you question his happiness or intentions. He’s aware of the fact that he cannot make you his priority (for the time being) until he’s done with whatever he was doing and resets his list of priorities.
If you sense that this might be the case, you can simply try asking him what is going on in his life and if there’s anything he would like to share with you. If he keeps refusing to tell you anything, reassuring you that everything’s fine with the two of you but he just needs some time for himself, it means you shouldn’t worry because he will be back in no time.
2. He’s interested in you, but also in others
This one is similar to the first one, but the main difference is that his priorities are his potential girls and not some other things he might be dealing with. Guys sometimes make priorities in accordance with how hard to get you are. And in their mind, if you’re playing hard to get, you must be a good catch (which doesn’t have to necessarily be the case).
If these potential girls don’t text him first, he will make them his priorities because if you don’t text him first, it means they’re hard to get, and he will have to text them first in order to win them. He will subconsciously multiply his efforts in trying to win them, and that is why he’ll take you for granted.
He will not text you first because he knows that you’ll be the one texting him first, and that is why he doesn’t bother with that. But, this doesn’t mean he is not interested in you. He is, but he’s also interested in others as well, and it will take some time until he realizes what exactly is he doing and how he wants it to end.
3. He’s unsure about his feelings for you
When a guy is unsure about his feelings for you, he will withdraw, and withdrawal means he needs some time to digest his feelings and admit to himself whether he likes you or not. Perhaps he’s been hurt before and now he’s afraid of feelings. He doesn’t want to open up to you because he’s afraid you’ll take advantage of him like someone else in his past might have done to him.
That is why he will try not to text you first because if he does, it will make him even more confused and uncomfortable. But, when you text him first, he will try to ignore it, only to realize that he cannot, and if he doesn’t text you back, he will ruin everything. So, he decides to text you back, but then again two minutes later, he finds himself again contemplating his feelings towards you.
It’s an endless circle of confusion, unsaid feelings and anticipation. The best thing to do is to ask him in person what his intentions are or give him an ultimatum to come to his senses and to text you back when he’s ready to.
4. He doesn’t like texting, but he likes you
I know it sounds contradictory. How could he like me but not like texting with me? The truth is, many guys are not that into texting at all. They see texting as a way to share simple information, to arrange dates, meetings or for emergency texts when you cannot call the person.
I was absolutely freaking out the first time I dated a guy who liked me but wasn’t that into texting. It was a nightmare to always be the one who had to text first in order to stay in touch. And when I asked him why this was so, he simply told me that he’s not that into texting which has nothing to do with spending time with me.
So, he liked me and liked spending time with me but couldn’t find a way to get over that texting-phobe thing. If he tells you this, know that it is 100% true, and you should accept it as it is. If you try to force him to change, he will feel pressured to be something he’s not. Just leave him be, and with time it will get better. I promise you.
5. He’s too busy to think of texting you first
Perhaps your guy is a hard worker, and the only thing he can think of is his work and the things he has to do during the day. These guys really don’t have time for texting, but if they really like you, they will always make sure to find some time to text you back.
They don’t ‘ignore’ you because they want to. It’s due the nature of their job, their schedule or all of their meetings. That is why he will always text you back because he appreciates your efforts to text him first, but he feels terribly sorry because he’s not as good at multitasking as you are.
If a guy is doing one thing, he will not be able to think about anything else until he accomplishes the thing he’s just started. If he’s deep into his job, chances are he will erase the possibility of texting you first, but will never hesitate to text you back when he’s finally ‘relieved of duty’.
6. He’s playing hard to get
Yup. Some guys use this tactic only because they are trying to play hard to get with you. He wants to feel desired by you and to make you work hard to win him, and that is why he’s deliberately avoiding texting you first. But, he will never fail at responding.
He will always make sure to responds so that he can give you a little bit of himself and so that you can come back for more. Creepy, I know. But that’s just how some men function. They want you to do all the work while he’s laying back, waiting to enjoy the fruits of your hard work.
The truth is, if he’s playing hard to get, it means he’s not that interested in the first place. The only person he’s interested in is himself. By doing this, he’s trying to appease his egocentric self and make you feel less important or valuable. Always be careful with men like this.
7. He doesn’t text you first because he knows you’re going to text him first
Some guys are just lazy when it comes to texting. They don’t play hard to get, and they have time to text you first, but they simply refuse to do it because they know you will be the one who will text first. And they stick to it. They stick to this selfishly lazy regimen, and they let you do all the work.
He might like you, he might be head over heels for you, but he will never text you first because he doesn’t even think of doing it. He’s too preoccupied with waiting for you to text him first, and he thinks this is the right thing to do.
He knows that whatever he does, you will always reach him first, and that is why he feels comfortable with the fact of not doing anything. Try ignoring him for some time, and I’m sure he will realize that there’s something wrong with his behavior. After all, it takes two to tango and not just one.
8. He is afraid of commitment
If he never texts you first but gladly replies to your texts, he might just be afraid to commit. When a guy is afraid of commitment, he will act confusingly, and he will subtly annoy you with things like not texting you first. There are many reasons why a guy would be afraid to commit. It might be because he is overwhelmed by your emotions, he doesn’t want to lose his freedom or he feels like you’re too into his personal space.
Now you probably think: If this is the reason, then why would he even bother replying to my texts? It is because he is not 100% sure that he’s afraid of commitment, and the other part of his brain is telling him that he should text you back and see how the things go. The best thing to do is to let him think and weigh all the pros and cons of his decision to participate in your life or not.
Commitment issues are really draining, and you feel like whatever you do it is simply not enough. It is hard to force him through texts to commit to you and start texting you first. They will do it only when they are ready to, and that is why you should leave him be for the time being.
9. He’s afraid he’s not good at texting
Not all guys are confident and straightforward when it comes to texting. Some guys have serious issues with this to the extent of being anxious to text you first. That is why they choose the safest option of all and that is to let you text them first. Then, they will simply reply and hope for the best.
In their mind, it is easier and safer to follow your intentions and topics regarding conversation than to overthink about you becoming upset if they text you something you’re not interested in. You will recognize this type of guy if his replies to you are really short and if his personality is telling you that he might be the type of the guy who is not that good at texting.
Especially if he really likes you, the pressure will be even higher. You should somehow try to encourage him to be more open to you, and once he starts feeling like he can tell you anything or ask for advice, he will become more casual about it.
10. He wants to play casual
Unlike playing hard to get, playing casual is another type of ‘game’. Playing casual means he doesn’t want to feel obliged to text you first or to text you when you expect him to. He wants you to stay casual and not to count how many times he has texted you first or how many times you texted him first.
Obviously, he’s not into any kind of a relationship, but this doesn’t mean that he’s not into you. He might be into you, but he also might want to play it casual with you. Maybe he’s been in a few relationships before you, and now he wants to chill for some time until he gets bored of it.
He will always text you back because apparently, he wants to stay in touch with you but also wants you to know that he’s not ready for anything big. He just wants to have a good time with you, and if this grows into something bigger, he might as well change his mind about staying casual and start texting you first instead of waiting for you to do it.
11. He’s not interested in you
Some guys are genuinely not interested in you, but will reply because they want to be polite. This one is really annoying because why would someone waste your time replying to your texts when he’s not interested in the first place?
Additional clues are if he is replying with ‘yes or no’ or he’s constantly making excuses when you propose a date night, movie night or something similar. It is a clear sign that he is not interested in you but will keep responding because he thinks it’s the right thing to do.
Obviously, he is not straightforward or he is just afraid of disappointing you. Whatever the reason be, it is really unfair when someone is giving you false hope. Again, you can try to quit texting for a while to see if something’s going to change. If not, then you know what time it is. It’s time to leave him alone and text someone else who will be more than happy to reply to your texts and even text you first.
12. He is an introvert
If your guy is an introvert, chances are he’s unable to text you first because his introvert nature is not letting him. Unlike extroverts, introverts have a hard time opening up to someone and taking the initiative. That is why they choose to remain dormant until someone knocks on their door/texts them first.
It is really hard to blame an introvert for this because it is not their fault. They live in this world built on fear and being judged for everything they do. And the more they are into you, the more anxious they become. So, they decide to wait for you to text them first instead of texting you first because they get too anxious about it.
They get too anxious even when they have to reply your text because they are afraid they are going to fuck it up. And they don’t want to fuck it up. They want you to understand that they have issues with opening up to you, and if they respond with some weird texts, it is because they’ve been contemplating too much about how to properly respond.
In order to decipher the real reason he never texts you first (but always responds when you text him), you should also pay attention to his personality traits, intentions, his past, body language, etc. These may seem trivial, unnecessary details, but believe me, they will help you see the bigger picture behind the concept of not texting first.