“Rules of a Smart Wife” is one of the best publications on the topic of relationships. We offer 15 useful tips from this book that will help you always maintain relationships and even save a marriage that already has problems.
Rule #1: Look after yourself – but don’t go crazy
Of course, your husband finds you attractive, otherwise, he wouldn’t get married, so don’t feel like you have to look like a movie star every day or shell out money for plastic surgery to keep him. On the other hand, marriage does not mean that you can stop taking care of yourself. You are neat, responsible, sweet, and loving – all very sexy. You’re not trying to compete with his 25-year-old secretary. You don’t need to apply false eyelashes or live in a beauty salon. A coat of mascara and short, clean nails is enough. Remember: if you like your appearance yourself, you will look good in the eyes of others. Do it for yourself!
Rule #2: Don’t give up on your interests (you should have your own life!)
Some women put their husbands at the center of their lives, giving up everything that made them interesting after marriage. Others forget about their career or stop working altogether. Others are reducing communication with family and friends. Still, others give up interests and hobbies—even fitness. This is a huge mistake. If you completely adapt your life to your husband and he is now the center of your universe, he loses interest in you – and you suffer and regret the sacrifices made.
Rule #3: Be a team
For a successful marriage, both spouses should remember: that you are now one team. Of course, you need to continue to develop your career, communicate with friends, and maintain your hobbies, but now you need to think in terms of a couple, not an individual. Don’t act like you’re still single: try to take your partner’s feelings and thoughts into account. Before you agree to have dinner and go to the movies with your girlfriend – it’s a big deal for me too! – tell your husband. No, you don’t need to ask him for permission. What if he wants to watch this movie with you, and then it’s better to choose another movie to meet his friend?
Consider his opinion when purchasing things and making decisions that affect both of you. For example, before you empty your credit card to buy a bedspread and matching curtains, ask if your husband likes such things. Don’t think that men aren’t interested in this. You’ll be surprised to learn that they have opinions about everything from how much time they spend apart to how they decorate their home.
Rule #4: When he gets home, he needs fifteen minutes to be alone.
Men love to be alone, even if they deny it. When your husband returns from work, don’t rush to the door and dump questions, problems, and assignments on his head. This will only irritate, and it will seem to the spouse that he lives with an overly demanding person playing the role of his domineering mother.
He may even start deliberately coming home later. Of course, you can greet him with a light kiss, but then leave him alone. The conversation will go better if your husband stays at home for a while, takes a breath, and speaks to you himself. He won’t be angry, and you’ll be glad you waited.
Rule #5: Support him
Support your husband in everything. If he has a cold or a sore throat, do not downplay the severity of the illness. Pay attention to the man. Look after him. Prepare his favorite soup, and offer him medicine. If his favorite team lost, sympathize with him. He will appreciate it. Remember to thank and praise your spouse whenever possible when he takes out the trash, mows the lawn, or hangs a picture on the wall.
He should feel needed – and then he will feel good with you. Remember, behind every great man, there is a woman who supported him! If you appreciate him, he will achieve great things! And if you believe in him, then he will believe in himself – and you. He will want you to be proud of him. And you will be proud of it!
Rule #6: Let him win
You’ve fallen in love with a mansion you can’t afford. He prefers to buy a smaller house so he can have money for furniture and a new car. You want to celebrate your tenth wedding anniversary in Paris according to the first category, he agrees but does not talk about it again, and the eleventh anniversary is already around the corner. You want to have three children, two is enough for him.
Should you insist on your own or let your husband win this argument? The answer is simple: “If it’s not vitally important to you, let your husband win.” Relationships are more important than the satisfaction of having your way. It’s better to be happy than always right.
Rule #7: If something doesn’t concern you, deal with it.
Every man has secrets that it is better not to ask him about. If these secrets are relatively harmless (unless they are drugs, alcoholism, gambling, adultery, or tax evasion), do not demand that he tell you everything. You can give subtle hints or start a conversation, but if a man prefers to keep a secret, don’t force him to share everything with you.
After all, you also have your little secrets! Here are a few areas in which a man is best left alone: his relationship with his family, travel time from work to home, business secrets, his health, how much he sleeps and watches TV, and how he dresses.
Rule #8: Return his gifts less often.
Do not return your husband’s gifts, even if you are firmly convinced that you will never use them thing! And if the gift is perfectly acceptable (you just wouldn’t choose that color or design for yourself), say you like it and save it to please your husband. It is better to sacrifice your taste than to offend your partner.
Rule No. 9: Don’t shout, speak calmly
When it comes to men, it’s not so much what you say, but the tone in which you say it. Of course, most men prefer women to speak calmly. Say what you want to say quietly and you will immediately attract attention. But if you scream, your husband will simply disconnect from contact, psychologically or literally (hang up the phone or leave the room) – even if your cry is fair, honest, and important.
When you want to yell at your husband because he came home three hours later than he promised, or because he forgot to buy milk even though you reminded him about it twenty times, call your friend and tell her everything you were going to tell him. And when you calm down, you can talk to your husband.
Rule #10: Don’t ask lonely friends for advice
Singles often perceive marriage in a very biased way: they either romanticize it or demonize it. A single friend who romanticizes marriage does not understand that quarrels are a normal part of life, and that sometimes you can even hate the person you love most, that is, your husband. She believes marriage is like a perfume advertisement. When you tell such a friend about family quarrels, she makes you think that you have serious problems.
Rule #11: He can say whatever he wants about his family. You – no!
You can choose your husband, but choosing his family is not in your power. Some women are lucky – their husbands’ families accept them with open arms. Others end up with real wasp nests.
Remember once and for all: you should never speak badly about his relatives, close or distant. If his family is truly terrible (evil, insignificant, insensitive, and generally unpleasant), believe me, he knows it very well! He may even criticize his relatives from time to time, and this is normal – this is his family. But he won’t want to hear that from anyone else, especially you.
Rule #12: Have date nights
Whether you have children or not (and even more so if you do!), you should keep the romance in your relationship. Set aside one evening exclusively for your husband – preferably a Saturday. And it doesn’t matter whether you rent a video and order food at home or go to a restaurant and a movie. The main thing is to make this evening belong only to the two of you. Invite a nanny to babysit or send the children to grandma’s. You need one evening without diapers, whining, phone calls, washing dishes, family squabbles, and problems with friends, colleagues, and clients.
Rule #13: Rules of Sex
Whether you like it or not, whether you think it’s fair or not, your sex life is determined by your husband. Whether your husband wants sex all the time or isn’t interested in it at all, you’ll be much happier if you accommodate him. Don’t refuse your husband if he wants sex every night, even if you are a morning person. Don’t demand sex from a husband who wants to watch a TV show or read a book after dinner. Go with the flow – whatever it is in your marriage.
Rule #14: Don’t complain about your kids.
Your three-year-old son is rolling around in the mud and refuses to wash himself. Your five-year-old daughter doesn’t want to eat anything but sweets. Both prevent you from talking on the phone for more than five minutes. You want to tear your hair out in despair and can’t wait for your husband to finally return so you can tell him in every detail what his children did that day. But this is not the best idea.
Instead, call a friend who has children and tell her about your difficult day. She will understand all your hardships and sorrows much better – and maybe even help in some way. Of course, there is nothing wrong with telling your husband how your children behaved. But if you start talking about every prank, every trick, then at some point (believe me!) your husband will simply stop communicating with you and begin to consider you a bad mother.
Rule No. 15: Don’t blame him for something you knew very well when you married him.
My husband drinks or eats too much. He earns little or, on the contrary, he is a workaholic who disappears all the time in the office. He likes to flirt or, conversely, does not show much interest in sex. He is a spender or a miser. When he courted you, you turned a blind eye to his shortcomings and idiosyncrasies because you wanted him to marry you.
You may have secretly thought that you could change it. Understand that when you got married, you accepted this man for who he is, with all his strengths and weaknesses. And you must be responsible for your own decision. When you stop playing the victim (“Look at what I have to put up with, poor, miserable me!”), you can calm down and deal with your problems like an adult. Adults accept life and people as they are. They say there are no victims, only volunteers. Remember: you married him yourself!
