Relationship Advice: Why Do We Attract Men Who Need To Be Fixed?
Why do we attract men who need fixing? Stop worrying about pathetic people. I was like that myself. I stayed in bad relationships, attracting the same type of men – the ones who need fixing. I know so many women in the same situation.
We attract cheaters, marriage-phobic men, emotionally unavailable men, traumatized men, alcoholics, drug addicts, narcissists, and sociopaths.
We are like a magnet for men who are in pieces. And for some reason we feel we have to put them back together. But I have to admit, I have never been able to do it.
I never gave myself a chance to think about my motivation. Instead of asking why I felt obligated to pick up the pieces of someone, I rushed to their aid without a second thought. I was selfless and didn’t even consider that I wasn’t important to him.
The problem with why I attracted men like that was that I believed I could save them.
By being selfless and caring, we think that we will be the woman who will change him. We think that we can make a cheater faithful and loyal. We think that we can help him quit drugs or drinking. We believe that we can convince him and make him not afraid of a serious relationship. We believe that we will help him forget his difficult past.
We attract these men because we believe they need us. And to leave them would be selfish, callous, and cruel.
The sad truth is that we constantly blame ourselves for them not changing. Every time they leave us, we think it’s our fault. And they keep us around even though they have nothing to offer us.
We look for the cause in ourselves, trying to understand what is wrong. But it is like rowing a boat that is stuck in shallow water – pointless.
I think the reason we attract men who need fixing is because it’s only through them that we can understand this truth. The truth that it’s okay to be selfish.
These men are pointing out to us what we need to work on in ourselves. We urgently need to start loving ourselves and stop taking the blame for others.
It’s time to realize that a man’s happiness is not our responsibility. We deserve a man who doesn’t need fixing. When we realize that we are not responsible for men’s problems, we can pass by those who still can’t figure them out.
Because a man worthy of love will never allow a woman to solve his problems.
So I’m telling you, as I told myself: stop worrying about pathetic people. Focus on yourself and attract a worthy man.
Save yourself, not the man. I know it’s hard to break a habit, but here’s what you need to do:
Recognize these types of men. Their signs, characteristics, behavior – you know everything by heart. As soon as you feel that you are facing one of these – run. No, not to help him, but from him.
Ask the right questions. Before you ask, “How can I help him?” ask, “How can I help myself?” Being selfless is great, but don’t do it to your own detriment.
Listen to your intuition. Your inner voice always knows when something is wrong. Nothing and no one can change a wrong man except himself.
Remember who you are. Know what you deserve. Learn to love yourself. That way you will never try to fix someone else because you know you will suffer in the process.
Don’t hate such men. Say thank you to them, because they helped us realize that it’s time to change. That it’s time to change ourselves, that only we are responsible for our problems and our happiness. Through them, we realized that it’s okay to be moderately selfish.
